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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
Furries · 30/12/2022 05:52

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

Nah, this is not a good excuse. If you invite people into your home then there a few basics:

Clean bedding
A warm environment
Clean towels
Enough loo roll

Food, IMO, can be negotiated. Breakfast should be provided according to taste. Lunches and dinners negotiated (eat out or in).

Am seeing so many of these threads and am perplexed at most of them. Don’t be a CF when you stay. Don’t be a CF when you host.

TBF, hosts need to set boundaries along with the invite. I’m skint, so will always say - you are welcome here for a decent room, heating, bedding and hot water. But I can’t afford to feed you for x amount of days. And we will work a plan around that. If that doesn’t land well, then it’s a no from me re staying.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2022 05:53

SouthernPlum · 30/12/2022 01:06

Does anyone else like wearing as little as possible at home?

I definitely cannot “dress well” to keep warm at home. It’s so uncomfortable.

First thing I do when I get home is to get my clothes off ha

I know what you mean. I wear a full length dressing gown, which is sooo soft then a sleeveless jersey maxi dress underneath. Nothing else and no undies, just change the dress daily. I cannot stand anything tight or restrictive.

I couldn’t have stayed there op. It sounds grim!

RedHelenB · 30/12/2022 05:58

MrsMitford3 · 29/12/2022 23:34

I loathe hot houses-they make me feel unwell.
Just to offer an alternative view-we def have a cold house-not for cost but preference.

We would put the heating on for guests to take the chill off but we would not have the heating on when it is 12 degrees. except underfloor heating where the dog and cat sleep

So at 12 degrees you are wearing what to sit on the sofa and talk to guests?

Daydreamer22 · 30/12/2022 06:02

We are quite minimal with heating and low temp when it is on. I hate the stuffy feeling and don’t need the high temps some people heat at. Plus it’s bloody expensive!! However when we have guests the heating is on or boosted. It still wouldn’t be over 20 and not constant but I wouldn’t expect people to be cold.

Daydreamer22 · 30/12/2022 06:19

Should add we heat to 17/18 a few hours a day depending on temp outside. It’s not on constant. We’ve blankets and always cosy in an evening.

GingerScallop · 30/12/2022 06:22

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

but they are hosting guests. Surely they could have considered their guests needs just for 48 hours? Especially when guests reach a point where they are offering to pay to be comfy. Why invite guests if they are/he is so inflexible he won't briefly cater for their comfort?

LakieLady · 30/12/2022 06:37

I'd have left.

I feel cold with the thermostat at below 20, and it makes me really miserable.

hattie43 · 30/12/2022 06:47

I hate being cold it makes me miserable and if I'm freezing cold I
just don't enjoy anything . I would have left tbh .

Lost123454 · 30/12/2022 06:56

You should have left

catfunk · 30/12/2022 07:00

I'd honestly leave.
Haven't had my heating in for 2 weeks as I've been away and came back to 11 degrees last night, it was very uncomfortable and no way can I sit about in that without getting ill, It made me v sad for those who can't afford it.

Toocooltoboogie · 30/12/2022 07:03

lking679 The article you've provided the link for isn't relevant to this discussion. The guy doing the experiment was wearing shorts and a cotton shirt. People living in cooler homes are usually prepared and take steps to wear warmer clothes, use blankets etc.
Op yanbu - I prefer a cooler home - always have prior to the heating rises, however I always make the house warmer when we have guests. Your hosts should have at least prepared you.

RampantIvy · 30/12/2022 07:12

I wear warm clothes in winter, but 12 degrees is unsustainable for me. I can't work bundled up in a blanket. I need the ambient temperature to be at least 18 degrees when sitting still to be able to concentrate.

There is a middle road between a cold house and a stifling house. 18 - 20 degrees is not stifling. It is a pleasant ambient temperature. I suppose the posters who find this stifling are on the "I hate summer" threads as soon as the thermometer creeps above 18 degrees.

When I am cold all I can think about is how cold I am and nothing else. DH and I once left a wedding reception early because we were so cold

Spanielsarepainless · 30/12/2022 07:15

A friend is like this. Gives you a blanket and a heated beanbag as you walk in the door.

Zanatdy · 30/12/2022 07:16

I’d have left. I find that very rude if your visitor asked you to put it on and even offered to contribute and he still said no! Unbelievable. I wouldn’t be visiting again

ichundich · 30/12/2022 07:18

People claiming to be "comfortable" in their 12 degree houses 🤣. Why do you even waste money on having a house; a shed or tent should do.

Heatherbell1978 · 30/12/2022 07:21

Our heating broke for 3 days here in Scotland when it was -5 a couple of weeks ago. Modern, well insulated house and it got down to 11/12 degrees in the house. Absolutely freezing, I can't believe people think that's ok? I'm not a blast the heating person, thermostat at 18/19 in the day and off at night normally. At 12 in the house we were having to put electric heaters in, walk around with Oodies, go to sleep in onesies and socks...I was worried about damp and burst pipes etc at that temperature indoors as well (possibly over-reacting as it was just a couple of days)

Roselilly36 · 30/12/2022 07:23

I hate the cold, I would have said heating on or I am going. Would have been happy to pay too. Being cold is so miserable and bad for health.

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2022 07:30

I haven't got the heating on and its 14.5 in the house, will be most of the day - rises to about 15.5 and then in the evening the heating will come on for an hour

I have a friend who comes to visit and I have to put the heating on for her as she is cold at that temperature - I will roast and just wear a t shirt, fortunately its not overnight. I wouldn't cope with the heating on overnight as it affects my asthma, being a dry heat of central heating.

are you sure your friends just don't think you're joking about it being so cold?

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2022 07:36

There is a middle road between a cold house and a stifling house. 18 - 20 degrees is not stifling.

everyone is different and for me the house would be very much stifling at 18-20

I can cope and am comfortable at 17-18 but anything higher than that and I start struggling.

I recently stayed away where the temperature was cranked up to 19 and I went to bed, shut the door and opened the window, regardless of the fact it was -5 outside

schnauzerbeard · 30/12/2022 07:46

I wouldn't mind this. I would hate 20 degrees, dries out my skin and gives me a headache. Everyone different though.

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 30/12/2022 07:51

For those saying they don’t mind very low temperatures are you not worried about the damage to clothes and furnishings? When we bought our home it had been un heated and shut up for a while and the leather sofas were covered in green mould.
We have a log burner which is lit from getting up until 9pm everyday in winter. Our thick stone walls absorb the heat and the room stays warm all night.
Have just been away for Christmas and our hosts kept the house comfortably warm. However nothing compares to my toasty sitting room.
Also all of the anti log burner people have gone very quiet since the energy crisis.

BiasedBinding · 30/12/2022 07:55

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 30/12/2022 07:51

For those saying they don’t mind very low temperatures are you not worried about the damage to clothes and furnishings? When we bought our home it had been un heated and shut up for a while and the leather sofas were covered in green mould.
We have a log burner which is lit from getting up until 9pm everyday in winter. Our thick stone walls absorb the heat and the room stays warm all night.
Have just been away for Christmas and our hosts kept the house comfortably warm. However nothing compares to my toasty sitting room.
Also all of the anti log burner people have gone very quiet since the energy crisis.

Well I do have the heating on a couple of times a day so it only got to 9-12 degrees in some rooms when we had the cold snap. It won’t have damaged clothes and furniture for that brief period. But I don’t have the luxury of a log burner, just have to use the gas central heating and associates cost. I’m not anti log burner (my parents have one) but if you don’t have one you can’t use one.

Piglet89 · 30/12/2022 07:58

I fucking HATE being cold when visiting peeps’ houses. My husband bought me a heated blanket for Christmas so I can keep our heating off and still stay warm on the days I work from home (but then I’m alone so nobody else affected except DCat);

Energy prices are absolutely insane ATM; I imagine I will pack my heated blanket sometimes - esp when we go to visit our very cold housed friends in Edinburgh!

@womanontheedge2022 would your hosts have been annoyed, had you plugged in a heated blanket (if you had one!)

RampantIvy · 30/12/2022 08:00

TBH I'm a little sceptical at claims that the inside of the house is actually 12 degrees, unless they never put any kind of heating on. I suspect the house is a little warmer than that. It is currently 19 degrees in my house and I am wearing a nightie and dressing gown and am comfortable. When I get dressed I will be wearing jeans a T-shirt and a warm jumper.

ivykaty44 · 30/12/2022 08:02

For those saying they don’t mind very low temperatures are you not worried about the damage to clothes and furnishings?

I grew up in a house without central heating, the sitting room had a coal fire and the kitchen and some bedrooms had gas fires - but they weren't always used. The rooms wouldn't have been heated to 18-19 degrees, they were large 16ft x 20ft rooms with 8 ft ceilings

The house was cold by todays standards, but never ever had a problem with mould or damaged furniture, we had moth balls in the wardrobes. The house was "lived" in not empty.