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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
S72 · 31/12/2022 20:06

Comfort temperatures are subjective. I've adapted to cooler weather over time. My lounge is often 13-14 degrees and I WFH. I'm used to it and don't have the heating on much, although I do have an electric throw if needed.

However, if I was hosting and my guests were cold, I would put the heating on.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2022 20:17
  1. Wow thats cold

I hate it when dd gro egg goes blue and that's at 15

Wonder how cold their house gets /and if user heating when we had snow the other week

I would have gone home @womanontheedge2022

AngelinaFibres · 31/12/2022 20:37

stemthetide · 30/12/2022 10:11

Yes I've noticed people getting extremely competitive over how frugal they are with the heating. This largely seems to be the pensioner generation, so they can grumble about how wasteful the young are and feel all high and mighty about sitting shivering like Scrooge.

Makes a change from the usual threads moaning about the incredible and unbearable heat at older generation's houses.

Competitive frugality among people who can well afford to use heating is just a bore, whatever age they are.

My husband's family are all professional northerners so the current crisis is like catnip to them. There houses have always been freezing, damp, miserable feckin places but now they have taken it to a whole new level of parsimony. My husband lives in the south and has long put down the 'Eeeeee I'm a northerner 'flag. He won't visit them unless it's between April and September.

AngelinaFibres · 31/12/2022 20:38

AngelinaFibres · 31/12/2022 20:37

My husband's family are all professional northerners so the current crisis is like catnip to them. There houses have always been freezing, damp, miserable feckin places but now they have taken it to a whole new level of parsimony. My husband lives in the south and has long put down the 'Eeeeee I'm a northerner 'flag. He won't visit them unless it's between April and September.

Show quote history

Their

BiasedBinding · 31/12/2022 20:39

Forestwalks · 31/12/2022 19:56

Again read the whole thread as you will see my posts throughout have said everyone likes different temps - which is fine. Nobody is the same.

Show quote history

How do you manage in the summer? You must find it awful even when it’s relatively cool

Unsure33 · 31/12/2022 21:27

We went to a family party and were staying In caravans , or that’s what we thought. We were put in a “shed” .had not been used for the winter season and no one told us there was a meter for electric. We might have well been sleeping outside. I was shivering all night and had to wrap a duvet round me to go to loo. It was also damp . It was exhausting , no sleep through shivering. Never again.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 31/12/2022 21:42

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:25

No warning and was worse than usual. Suggested an Oodie to his other half but not sure it would be enough!

Show quote history

What’s an Oodie?

Zoejj77 · 31/12/2022 22:41

I’m laughing because we had a house full over Xmas and my dad (80) cranked up our heating to 30 and we were all sweating but him

Noshitsherlocks · 31/12/2022 23:15

It’s very rude of them. Why have guests and choose not to make them feel comfortable and valued. Next time tell them you won’t stay over.

tobee · 31/12/2022 23:47

BiasedBinding · 31/12/2022 19:44

How do you keep the house at 12C in the summer if that’s the temperature you prefer? Do you have air con?

Good question.

Lovely13 · 01/01/2023 01:24

Reminds me of so many cold houses I’ve lived in. Suffolk and Norfolk. Was horrible. Would never do that to a guest unless I couldn’t afford the heating. Have an electric blanket now to avoid heating whole house. But that wouldn’t be helpful for guests. ⛄️😳

Furries · 01/01/2023 01:28

Still rude IMO. There is no way I would have guests over and have them feel uncomfortable. It’s not like it’s forever ffs.

ReallyTryingTo · 01/01/2023 01:29

Do they not realise the damage to their house to never put the heating on. I know a guy who never ever puts his heating on and his house sits at about 13 degrees constantly. It's came to no surprise to me he's not got damp rising up in his hallway which was never there in the first 2 years in this house.
He just doesn't put heating on since the increase in price, however I know 100% money is not an issue again he's just stinghy.

Sunnytwobridges · 01/01/2023 02:00

I had the opposite problem. Stayed overnight at a friends house and it was too damn hot. I have asthma so it aggravated it, and I could not breathe. Barely made it thru the night. I was planning to stay with her for a few days but only made it one day. Found a hotel where I could regulate the temperature. 😊

on the other hand I had a friend stay with me and complain about how cold it was. I didn’t turn the temp up because I can’t breathe when my house is too warm so I gave her my portable heater and electric blanket. I guess it wasn’t good enough as she never stayed with me again- which was fine by me 😂

RampantIvy · 01/01/2023 08:38

Who has the heating on at night? Surely it isn't needed in a typical British winter?

greennavy · 01/01/2023 08:49

My parents seem to play the lets not put the heating on game

It's like a challenge to them

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 01/01/2023 12:07

HaggisBurger · 29/12/2022 23:23

Eff that. Can’t bear being cold when it’s unnecessary. That’s just downright rude and inhospitable. I’d have left too.

I had the opposite problem staying at DP’s mums over Xmas. The heating would come on full blast in all rooms at 7am and we had to open a window in the bedroom as the rad had no thermostat. Felt v guilty blasting all that heat out the window given how people are struggling to heat their homes atm.

This is what it's like in my nans house. She loves visitors and hosting, but the heating is seldom below 25, sometimes it's even higher, and then she complains that people have opened the window and let the heat out.

It's such a shame because we all love to see her but the heat makes you feel sick and dizzy.

7eleven · 01/01/2023 12:17

I think it’s polite to heat your house to the comfort/preference of your guests.

eastegg · 01/01/2023 13:51

Afterfire · 29/12/2022 23:12

Are you sure they don’t have money issues? The energy price increases have really affected many people.

Politely explaining to Op that they couldn’t afford to host them this year would have a) saved them more money I’m sure and b) been much more socially acceptable than saying ‘no’ to the face of a guest asking them to put the heating on.

There is no explanation that makes this ok in my mind, OP, it’s awful behaviour. I know money worries can be hidden, but they’d have to be pretty bad to force them to have the house as cold as you say it was.

2bazookas · 01/01/2023 15:00

there are no categorically no money issues

You can't possibly know that. Affluent people can lose the lot (to bad investments, debts, repairs, family crisis) .
.
Elderly neighbours of ours, 90's, took out equity release on their home decades ago. They enjoyed the cash bonanza but that money is long gone, the debt has accumulated, the lender now owns most of their asset. Mr died and Mrs now lives very very frugally in just two rooms of a large white elephant she can't escape from.

GADDay · 01/01/2023 15:15

14/15 here with a burst in the morning and evening to 18 for an hour.

I absolutely hate visiting my parents - it's stifling as they have a conniption if every room in the house isn't 21 degrees.

We are bemused - we usually live in Australia, so I thought we would freeze on this trip. I have realised that a heated house lacks oxygen and that doubles the effect - well it does for me.

Cool house anyday. 12 is too cool though.

PinkSyCo · 01/01/2023 15:54

dicdicnurse · 29/12/2022 23:58

I would have left too. We hate being cold and feel it as soon as it drops below 18. Our happy number is 20 with the occasional boost to 22 when it's really cold outside.
That said, I'm having some delightful flushes recently that result in me hanging out of the open window in the middle of the night just to get relief!

Why does it have to be even hotter in your home just because it’s cooler outside. I’m baffled at the amount of people who don’t seem to understand how thermostats work. Please stop being silly and leave some resources for the rest of us.

DinosApple · 01/01/2023 16:47

Ours is about 12 at the moment because it's very mild outside and our boiler is broken.
When it was -6 it was about 5 indoors and that was horrific, so 12 is great and surprisingly I'm getting used to it!

We had overnight guests at Christmas and they were all well warned. Electric blankets, oodies, duvets on sofa, extra blankets, wood burner lit downstairs and plenty of booze!

Not warning your guests though, that isn't fair at all!

DinosApple · 01/01/2023 16:49

That's the temperature on our carbon monoxide alarm and clocks. Our thermostat is as shit as the boiler!

sue20 · 01/01/2023 18:58

RampantIvy · 29/12/2022 23:12

DH and I would have just gone home early. I wouldn't care if the host might think us rude, but it is extremely inhospitable to make your guests so uncomfortable with the cold.

My BIL hates being hot, but he gets hot as soon as the tmperature hits double figures. I never visit my sister in winter.

There was an article in paper recently by UK journalist. He went through tests to see what happens if you are in 10 C temp for an hour or more . Signicant body changes including slowed brain function ( might explain B I L attitude) Journalist Kit Malthouse think the observer. Also confirming that women feel it more due to oestrogen.

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