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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
Untitledsquatboulder · 29/12/2022 23:37

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

I'd respectfully suggest you mention this to any poor unsuspecting souls people you intend inviting to stay with you.

ditherydotty · 29/12/2022 23:38

I'm a hot person and hate overly hot houses, however I'd be cold at 12, I'd always ask if guests were comfortable, too warm / cold etc, think it's very rude not to!

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 29/12/2022 23:38

Once stayed with friends at their really cold house and used to wear my coat at the breakfast table.

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:39

FuntCase · 29/12/2022 23:26

Another polar bear family here. I don’t understand how people are comfortable in 20° heat. It’s stifling, warm, stale radiator air .. but different strokes I suppose.

Currently staying with my parents and their house is very warm, currently 18° in the bedroom and very uncomfortable (can’t find the key to open the window). Sleeping with just a fleece blanket.

Show quote history

That’s exactly how we feel about the heating when it’s on, it just gets too much for us.

I wouldn’t be able to have a good nights sleep in 18 degrees I would also wake up with a headache the next morning if no window was open.

Original poster
womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:40

Didicat · 29/12/2022 23:36

Controversially you know what they are like, did you take thermals, slippers, an extra blanket? I always warn visitors our house is leaky with regards to heat, tell them to bring cosy layers, also put electric blankets on the beds.

the lounge is usually warm as we have the log burner going but the rest of the house is about 14/15 my husband like other posters can’t bear stuffy rooms.

We had lots of layers and we did have blankets but just couldn't get warm!

OP posts:
Spenn · 29/12/2022 23:40

Ours is back to 18/19 with no heating now the cold spell is over so I wouldn't think about putting the heating on, even for guests. We are lucky that next door seem to heat their house like a sauna and we benefit...

Do you know what temp it was? I'd actually prefer around 17 but others in the house moan. I also think a surgical menopause has helped me 😂

KatherineJaneway · 29/12/2022 23:40

YANBU. I'd have asked them to turn the heating on, if they didn't, I'd be off home!

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:41

Untitledsquatboulder · 29/12/2022 23:37

I'd respectfully suggest you mention this to any poor unsuspecting souls people you intend inviting to stay with you.

Show quote history

Luckily we only ever have family over to stay and they all don’t like the heating on either…must run in the family!

RampantIvy · 29/12/2022 23:41

currently 18° in the bedroom and very uncomfortable

Can't you turn the radiator off?

I keep the radiators in DD's bedroom and the guest bedroom off, and show guests how to turn them on if they want the heating on. The window lock key is easy to find, but I tend to unlock the windows if we have people coming. I hate feeling too hot at night as well.

12 degrees is not warm enough for most people sitting still. I wear a coat if it is 12 degrees outside, and that is when I am walking about.

oceanskye · 29/12/2022 23:42

I had a family member like this who never put heating on. She'd give you a blanket and sit there on the couch wrapped up in it. It was fine for an afternoon but not very relaxing and would not have wanted to spend a weekend there!

Dragonskin · 29/12/2022 23:43

If you are that close, I would have left and said that you were too uncomfortable to stay and needed to go home and warm up

Dancingbea · 29/12/2022 23:44

I find it very hard to relax and be sociable in a cold house. It’s fair enough if that is your temperature. But if you are heaving guests I would be sure the temperature was what made them feel comfortable and at home.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 29/12/2022 23:46

I hate being cold. I’d have left too. My house is usually 22 degrees so I’d have been freezing.

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/12/2022 23:46

Visited family this week with no central heating. Took Oodies and wool socks. We were fine. There was a fire in the front room. Upstairs was cold but we were prepared.
That's the issue here, you weren't prepared and they didn't prepare you!

Dragonskin · 29/12/2022 23:46

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

Bloody hell, the minimum recommended temperature for people in an office is 16 or for physical workers is 13. So 12 in the house would be massively inhospitable for most guests!

123woop · 29/12/2022 23:48

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

This ^
I'd much rather be too cold than be in someone's hot and stuffy house 😷

lking679 · 29/12/2022 23:48

I would refer them to this bbc article, the body starts compensating for the cold at temperatures below 18 degrees.
I also probably would’ve run out for a 2kw fan heater and pay them the 70p an hour or so it costs to run or I would’ve gone home. MIL always has a cold house with the thermostat on 12 (why have a thermostat then!). We have 3 young children including a baby, I whack it up to 18 when I walk in! (They don’t have money issues and are perfectly welcome to our house if they don’t want to hear their own!)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-63602501.amp

Bunce1 · 29/12/2022 23:48

I think the actual temp is almost irrelevant- you were a guest and you were uncomfortable. Very inhospitable of them and I would decline future invites in winter!

it would have been polite and gracious of them to turn the heating on for a bit for your comfort.

OnlyFannys · 29/12/2022 23:49

I absolutely refuse to stay at my boyfriend's during winter as he has a flat with just the electric heaters and wont let me turn them on because they are expensive, even if I offer to contribute. He works outside so doesn't feel the cold like I do being use to working all day with central heating. He has reluctantly agreed that I'm not being a n unreasonable drama queen and that he is actually probably the unusual one for not having any heating on all winter

Mamanyt · 29/12/2022 23:49

Oh, dear. Frankly, I'm a little surprised his other half didn't pile in the car with you and head for warmer housing!

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/12/2022 23:50

Honestly I would have gone home early.

If you are ok financially, if guests say they are cold you put the heating up.

It’s fine as a host to expect people to put on extra jumpers and wear thermal undies - although you need to warn them to be prepared. But if they are still cold after layering up, the heating has to go up.

It’s terrible hosting.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2022 23:53

Mine is 12. I'm fine with that. Under blankets if watching tv etc. dressing gown /oodie for walking about. I'm not stingy just don't see any point in putting heating on when you can just put an oodie on/get under a blanket instead.

starfishmummy · 29/12/2022 23:53

I'd definitely have left!!

WorriedWarrier · 29/12/2022 23:54

RampantIvy · 29/12/2022 23:14

it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold.

Are you a polar bear?

That would be far too cold for DH and me, and we would be sitting with our coats on and still feel the cold. And yes, we would go home. 12 degrees is 4 degrees less than the legal minimum for working in an office.

There is no legal min for an office

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:55

Dragonskin · 29/12/2022 23:46

Bloody hell, the minimum recommended temperature for people in an office is 16 or for physical workers is 13. So 12 in the house would be massively inhospitable for most guests!

Show quote history

If anyone who was visiting ever mentioned they were cold then of course I would put the heating on for them…I’m not a terrible host😉 but to be honest no one has ever mentioned it and usually we can’t get rid of visitors who pop over, they usually stay hours, so they can’t be cold…unless I’m only friends with polar bears as well as having them in the family 🤔