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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
Notatallanamechange · 30/12/2022 01:17

Those saying the OP is NBU. What are your energy costs roughly now per month? Not goady, I’m just so on the fence about a few things.

PineCone74 · 30/12/2022 01:19

Bunce1 · 29/12/2022 23:48

I think the actual temp is almost irrelevant- you were a guest and you were uncomfortable. Very inhospitable of them and I would decline future invites in winter!

it would have been polite and gracious of them to turn the heating on for a bit for your comfort.

Agree with this. Discussions about what temperature a house should be at are beside the point and of course everyone will differ. But the OP was a guest, and was refused heating even after seemingly asking! I feel you do sometimes have to put yourself to an extent for guests to ensure they are comfortable. Part of good hospitality?!

Panjandrum123 · 30/12/2022 01:28

WorriedWarrier · 29/12/2022 23:54

There is no legal min for an office

Show quote history

@WorriedWarrier
Not sure I agree with you. I thought there was a minimum
Certainly in my workplace if the heating goes off at work at the end of April, then there’s a sudden cold spell, they turn it back on. Same with going into Autumn. Usually 1st October for Switch on.

Minimum workplace temperature
The Approved Code of Practice on the Workplace (Health, Safety and Welfare) Regulations suggests the minimum temperature for working indoors should normally be at least:

16°C or
13°C if much of the work involves rigorous physical effort
You can find more advice on protecting workers from feeling too cold.

www.hse.gov.uk/temperature/employer/the-law.htm

Notatallanamechange · 30/12/2022 01:29

Panjandrum123 · 30/12/2022 01:28

@WorriedWarrier
Not sure I agree with you. I thought there was a minimum
Certainly in my workplace if the heating goes off at work at the end of April, then there’s a sudden cold spell, they turn it back on. Same with going into Autumn. Usually 1st October for Switch on.

Minimum workplace temperature
The Approved Code of Practice on the Workplace (Health, Safety and Welfare) Regulations suggests the minimum temperature for working indoors should normally be at least:

16°C or
13°C if much of the work involves rigorous physical effort
You can find more advice on protecting workers from feeling too cold.

www.hse.gov.uk/temperature/employer/the-law.htm

Show quote history

’suggests’

RosesAndHellebores · 30/12/2022 01:35

If they have money issues they shoukd have cancelled. I'd have gone home.

We booked a cottage for Christmas in East Yorkshire. The heating went off on 23rd December. The owner was coming immediately and I asked for 5 (to shiver out of my dressing gown into clothes) then said she'd come after lunch which wasn't acceptable because it would have eaten into our afternoon hours of daylight and I needed to know ASAP whether it was fixable for Christmas.

She had the heating on timed. No clear instructions to follow and no indication of this or the times. The thermostat was not connected to the boiler and read 20° for the entire week whether the house was warm or cold.

I'm still getting over the woman's comment that we were feeling the cold because we were from the South and things were different in the North. Or the heating wasn't working.

Apologies but I needed to vent that.

Topseyt123 · 30/12/2022 01:37

I would have left early and told them why. What a tightwad!!

My house is heated to 18 - 19⁰. That is comfortable for us.

Saracen · 30/12/2022 01:37

You were guests who made it clear you were cold. They should have made you comfortable. It would have been different if they'd had money worries, but in that case I would expect them to have warned you so you could bundle up or decide not to visit.

We've had our house quite cold lately, but we do bump the heating up for guests.

AmazonPrim · 30/12/2022 01:44

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

12C!?! That's practically artic. I'm afraid I would have to leave someone's house if it was 12C indoors. I just couldn't bare it. I always run cold, and at 18C indoors I'm putting the heating on or a hat. My nose goes red and starts to drip.

tobee · 30/12/2022 01:52

I'm intrigued because apparently its currently 5.8 degrees outside but my house is 18.3 degrees. The radiators have been off since 8.30 this evening; after having been on for 2 hours. We have had a fire going for most of the evening in the living room. It's a draughty old Edwardian house with no insulation but terraced. I like to be warm but currently happy in t shirt and tracksuit top.

Are people saying they are fine with their house at 12 degrees ? Or they don't need the heating on when it's 12 degrees outside?

OooScotland · 30/12/2022 01:52

RosesAndHellebores · 30/12/2022 01:35

If they have money issues they shoukd have cancelled. I'd have gone home.

We booked a cottage for Christmas in East Yorkshire. The heating went off on 23rd December. The owner was coming immediately and I asked for 5 (to shiver out of my dressing gown into clothes) then said she'd come after lunch which wasn't acceptable because it would have eaten into our afternoon hours of daylight and I needed to know ASAP whether it was fixable for Christmas.

She had the heating on timed. No clear instructions to follow and no indication of this or the times. The thermostat was not connected to the boiler and read 20° for the entire week whether the house was warm or cold.

I'm still getting over the woman's comment that we were feeling the cold because we were from the South and things were different in the North. Or the heating wasn't working.

Apologies but I needed to vent that.

I totally get that. I’m from ‘The North’ and no its not different!

We recently stayed in a cottage for a week and I took my hot water bottle and warm clothes just in case…I could have cried with joy when I found radiators with individual digital temp controls in every room.

I love going out for a walk even when its icy but I’m miserable when I’m cold indoors.

Notcontent · 30/12/2022 02:20

tobee · 30/12/2022 01:52

I'm intrigued because apparently its currently 5.8 degrees outside but my house is 18.3 degrees. The radiators have been off since 8.30 this evening; after having been on for 2 hours. We have had a fire going for most of the evening in the living room. It's a draughty old Edwardian house with no insulation but terraced. I like to be warm but currently happy in t shirt and tracksuit top.

Are people saying they are fine with their house at 12 degrees ? Or they don't need the heating on when it's 12 degrees outside?

No, they are talking about it being 12 degrees inside the house!!!

i would have had to leave as that’s much too cold for me. For me 18 is comfortable in living areas and down to 15 in the bedroom overnight. At one point my bedroom went down to 14 when I had the heating off overnight and that was too cold for me even with a thermal top, warm pyjamas and very thick duvet.

FiveShelties · 30/12/2022 02:35

12C is far too cold for me indoors, I would be praying for my HRT patches to stop working.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/12/2022 02:50

I would have left, no question.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2022 02:52

Is the partner OK? I'd be really worried about him/her.

quinceh · 30/12/2022 02:56

Yanbu. They shouldn’t have guests if not prepared to turn the heating on in Dec, and/or they should have given you warning in advance.

a1poshpaws · 30/12/2022 03:08

WorriedWarrier · 29/12/2022 23:54

There is no legal min for an office

Show quote history

Yes, there is. It's not a cut and dried figure but it MUST be reasonable and the workers be comfortable.
www.hse.gov.uk/temperature/employer/the-law.htm

Oddbutnotodd · 30/12/2022 03:20

At 12c I would put the heating on. Blood starts to thicken and increases risk of heart attacks. I didn’t use my heating in October and November unless I had visitors. My house got down to about 14c without heating on.
Now it’s generally 17c and more than 20c in the sitting room. Bedroom temperature is a bit cooler.
It’s very rude not to heat rooms when you have visitors. People are virtue signalling by not having their heating on. I also think it’s age related to an extent.
Spending £15 a day on heating when it was less than £5 last year seems excessive but it’s the sad reality. The Pp that mentioned their hosts drinking spirits at breakfast onwards sadly was probably right. Heat the person not the property!!

Blackandwhites · 30/12/2022 03:28

It depends what you are used to. Opposite problem with us.

Our in laws have the heating at minimum 20 degrees and it is hideous. So suffocating. And it’s really bad for babies to be in overheated rooms - but try telling them that! We had to have all bedroom windows open fully at all times over Christmas - heat going straight out of the windows - but there was nothing else we could do as the radiators had no controls on them.

At that temperature I could not wear a lot of the clothes that I had brought. With the windows closed you cannot sleep at night. And you just feel surrounded by a constant fug/ brain fog.

Our house is 15 degrees for rooms we aren’t using, 18 for those we are.

mediumbrownmug · 30/12/2022 03:31

Too hot or too cold is miserable. There’s a reasonable range, but that isn’t it. I feel for you, OP. I would’ve left.

I grew up in a famously hot state (I’m American) but growing up my father flat out refused to turn the A/C down below 85 degrees Fahrenheit. It would be over 100F outside, and we were sweltering indoors. He also would make us turn off the ceiling fans. No money issues at all, as they were (and are) very well off. It was all about “saving” the motors of the A/C unit and ceiling fans. If you turned the A/C down or the fans on without his permission you got yelled at, and it was turned straight back to 85-86 with the fans off. Misery. (And yes, he had serious control issues but that’s off topic.)

Nobody ever wanted to come over, and I spent as much time away from home as possible as soon as I could drive. Never go home for holidays or anything else now. I just can’t stand it. I took my new baby over once on the condition that the house be kept at a reasonable temperature specified by me, and told them if the thermostat read above that we would be leaving. That’s the one and only time I ever saw my mom comfortable in her own home. It really is truly sad. I hope the partner in your case is okay.

allboysherebutme · 30/12/2022 04:06

I would have said so sorry we will be going home in the morning, we are freezing and don't want to get sick and sorry but we won't be able to stay again. X

BiasedBinding · 30/12/2022 04:34

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:39

That’s exactly how we feel about the heating when it’s on, it just gets too much for us.

I wouldn’t be able to have a good nights sleep in 18 degrees I would also wake up with a headache the next morning if no window was open.

Show quote history

Right, but there is a range between 12 and 18, it’s not either or.

i prefer a cool house but I’m talking about 15-16 degrees when I’m sitting at a desk working, when the house was 9-12 degrees I couldn’t type very well because my fingers were too cold. If I am moving around doing jobs then cooler is fine

kingtamponthefurred · 30/12/2022 04:50

People really should not have guests if they are not willing, or can't afford to make them reasonably comfortable.

Windtunnel · 30/12/2022 04:55

Terrible hosts! Control freakery, maybe the cold got to their hearts....

Twiglets1 · 30/12/2022 05:33

We would gone home after the first night and after facing the first shower, being cold really makes me feel miserable & my husband is the same. I understand that some people don’t have the money to heat a house but if they do and refused (despite the guests asking them to switch it on) then he is not being fair and I would say it is intolerable not to have the heating on at all in 48 hours in December. In future, I would not be visiting them in Winter.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2022 05:41

Spenn · 29/12/2022 23:40

Ours is back to 18/19 with no heating now the cold spell is over so I wouldn't think about putting the heating on, even for guests. We are lucky that next door seem to heat their house like a sauna and we benefit...

Do you know what temp it was? I'd actually prefer around 17 but others in the house moan. I also think a surgical menopause has helped me 😂

I’m the same since my hysterectomy and medical menopause. Don’t like too much heat in the bedroom, the smell in the autumn when we first have to put the heating on is off putting. I used to like 21/22. My dd is always cold and has the physical signs of Reynauds so she has an extra heater.