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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
Dragonskin · 29/12/2022 23:57

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2022 23:53

Mine is 12. I'm fine with that. Under blankets if watching tv etc. dressing gown /oodie for walking about. I'm not stingy just don't see any point in putting heating on when you can just put an oodie on/get under a blanket instead.

Do you tell guests they need to bring an oodie?

dicdicnurse · 29/12/2022 23:58

I would have left too. We hate being cold and feel it as soon as it drops below 18. Our happy number is 20 with the occasional boost to 22 when it's really cold outside.
That said, I'm having some delightful flushes recently that result in me hanging out of the open window in the middle of the night just to get relief!

Dragonskin · 30/12/2022 00:02

Well @Forestwalks that differentiates you from the OPs 'hosts' who wouldn't put it on even after they offered to pay! Each to their own in their own house (under 16 is too cold for me in the living room, although I'll happily sleep with windows open when it's snowing) but as far as the OP goes, if your guests are begging for the heating to be put on then you are taking things too far

pizzaHeart · 30/12/2022 00:03

I think the actual temp is almost irrelevant- you were a guest and you were uncomfortable. Very inhospitable of them and I would decline future invites in winter!
it would have been polite and gracious of them to turn the heating on for a bit for your comfort.
I agree with this^ .
I would decline any future invites. What’s next? Hot water? Limit on tea bags?

freeandfierce · 30/12/2022 00:04

The temp in my house is 13-14, I looked after my friends children this week so ensured I put the heating on to 18 before they arrived. I was sweltering but it was important to me that they felt welcome and warm in my home!

SqueakyDinosaur · 30/12/2022 00:04

www.hse.gov.uk/temperature/employer/the-law.htm

mackthepony · 30/12/2022 00:05

Totally unacceptable.

You should have gone home.

TheSilveryPussycat · 30/12/2022 00:07

Norfolk. A draughty house with single glazing. No central heating. No heating at all except for a couple of sulking smoking wood fires. Could not get warm in bed, hot water bottles cooled down in about 5 minutes.

Friends we stayed with drank spirits at Christmas breakfast, and alcohol through the day - I wonder if that's why they didn't feel the cold?

echt · 30/12/2022 00:10

They're just rude, OP. Just as you make sure you have decent food and drink when you invite guests, you make sure they are warm/cool enough.

SouthernPlum · 30/12/2022 00:13

This thread is so interesting seeing how others live totally differently.

I could not imagine being at home in 12 degrees. I don’t even think it even manages to get that cold in here.

I have a smart home thermostat system that I program around 17-18 degrees which is comfortable for me.

So I don’t turn our heating on and off it just consistently runs in the background maintaining a comfortable temperature.

Usually when you touch the radiators they are cool/warm and will adjust to keep to the temperature I like.

Apparently this is much more cost efficient that turning on and off and having the heating shoot right up that you’re boiling.

TerraNostra · 30/12/2022 00:15

I’d be worried about the “other half”, unable/ unwilling to independently decide to put on the heating without their partner’s consent.

Shitfather · 30/12/2022 00:20

YANBU. I’m part of the no heating brigade, but I switched it on for the entire duration of
my brother’s stay at mine. It’s unthinkable I’d allow a guest to feel cold. I’ve been managing with oodie and layers, but wouldn’t expect that of visitors.

Thatboymum · 30/12/2022 00:21

I would have left 100% I left my mums early on Xmas because she wouldn’t put the heating on and it was 15 so compared to what I’m used to I felt sore and just miserable I was so cold she also has no money worry’s but just doesn’t want to get it it on and pay the ridiculous prices, I have mine on at 19-21 permanently though I have a medical condition where I can’t regulate my own body temp admittedly it’s costing me £300 per month but I’d rather be poor than cold

SnowlayRoundabout · 30/12/2022 00:29

You lost me with your claim that it was sub zero when it obviously wasn't.

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2022 00:30

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:55

If anyone who was visiting ever mentioned they were cold then of course I would put the heating on for them…I’m not a terrible host😉 but to be honest no one has ever mentioned it and usually we can’t get rid of visitors who pop over, they usually stay hours, so they can’t be cold…unless I’m only friends with polar bears as well as having them in the family 🤔

Show quote history

People are unlikely to ask as it might seem rude.

Splonker · 30/12/2022 00:38

12 really isn't that cold if you dress well. 9 & below is cold.

entropynow · 30/12/2022 00:40

Splonker · 30/12/2022 00:38

12 really isn't that cold if you dress well. 9 & below is cold.

Yes it really is. At that temp I wear two jumpers and a coat

BCxx · 30/12/2022 00:52

Sounds awful! Can’t believe they weren’t embarrassed into putting it on when you actually said you were cold. I went to visit my friend’s newborn a few weeks ago with my toddler. All that sticks out from my visit was how utterly freezing her house was! I was staring at her baby, who was just in a sleep suit and no blanket as I was holding her, and I was just thinking how cold she must be 😭 As soon as we got in the car I was so glad to get the heating on. Her boiler just packed in during that really cold time there and I think it must be because she doesn’t ever put the heating on and it was frozen. We have the same, well-paid job so I wouldn’t imagine it’s a financial issue. I would personally rather go without so many things before I’d want to sit in a cold house, especially with a newborn ☹️

YDBear · 30/12/2022 00:52

I would just have gone home. Just said I’m sorry but I can’t stand this and just gone. Not make a big drama out of it but just been frank that it was too uncomfortable to be able to stay. I’m too old to put up with nonsense like this to humour an arsehole who doesn’t care about his guests’ comfort.

Forestwalks · 30/12/2022 00:52

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2022 00:30

People are unlikely to ask as it might seem rude.

Show quote history

I only have family and close friends over and everyone usually invites themselves over for a catch up so I can’t see them doing that if they felt my house was too cold for them. They usually stay for hours we have lunches and get togethers often at mine.

Thedogscollar · 30/12/2022 01:01

They might have money but they certainly have no manners. How bloody rude. I'd have left.
Can't stand stingy rich people.

SouthernPlum · 30/12/2022 01:06

Does anyone else like wearing as little as possible at home?

I definitely cannot “dress well” to keep warm at home. It’s so uncomfortable.

First thing I do when I get home is to get my clothes off ha

DaisyChristina · 30/12/2022 01:10

DP can sit about at 12 degrees but I can't tolerate the cold.

I have asthma and I start to cough and also get bad headaches.

My ideal temperature is a minimum of 18 degrees in the living room.

I would certainly not want visitors to feel cold.

WorriedWarrier · 30/12/2022 01:11

BCxx · 30/12/2022 00:52

Sounds awful! Can’t believe they weren’t embarrassed into putting it on when you actually said you were cold. I went to visit my friend’s newborn a few weeks ago with my toddler. All that sticks out from my visit was how utterly freezing her house was! I was staring at her baby, who was just in a sleep suit and no blanket as I was holding her, and I was just thinking how cold she must be 😭 As soon as we got in the car I was so glad to get the heating on. Her boiler just packed in during that really cold time there and I think it must be because she doesn’t ever put the heating on and it was frozen. We have the same, well-paid job so I wouldn’t imagine it’s a financial issue. I would personally rather go without so many things before I’d want to sit in a cold house, especially with a newborn ☹️

thats horrific for the baby

maddy68 · 30/12/2022 01:16

If you are sibckose why couldn't you tell them?!

I walked into my friends house today and my actual words were. "it's fuckin freezing in here put the bloody heating on "