Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 30/12/2022 08:03

We'd have left. It's poor hosting.

Someone we know seems to take pride in not having the heating on. They also complain they can't get clothes dry in winter so I had to explain that cold clothes on clothes racks in a cold house aren't going to dry and their air is getting damp. We don't spend a lot of time there because of it.

HarvestThyme · 30/12/2022 08:04

For most people, a 16C minimum indoors- at least during the day and not under a duvet at night - is about right. (That's why it's the H&S standard.) No doubt some will sweat buckets above 10C, and fair enough - keep the heat off and I hope your homes are not susceptible to mould or damp.

Naturally people are different, but being comfortable at 12C indoors means you are an outlier. You should not expect others to be comfortable below 15C. Just because your guests are too polite to say something, doesn't mean they are not cold.

Hellybelly84 · 30/12/2022 08:13

18 is the lowest temperature heating should be set at (we have our heating set at that in the evenings and morning). Off during the day as we’re usually out at work or not sitting around. It must have been extremely miserable if it was 12 and I would have packed up, said im feeling ill and gone home. Living in 12 degrees will make them ill and also cause damage to their house. I wouldn’t go back and its not unreasonable to tell them why.

gamerchick · 30/12/2022 08:14

You don't allow guests to be cold. I tend not to have visitors during the winter. It's not a nice thing to do to guests.

BiasedBinding · 30/12/2022 08:15

RampantIvy · 30/12/2022 08:00

TBH I'm a little sceptical at claims that the inside of the house is actually 12 degrees, unless they never put any kind of heating on. I suspect the house is a little warmer than that. It is currently 19 degrees in my house and I am wearing a nightie and dressing gown and am comfortable. When I get dressed I will be wearing jeans a T-shirt and a warm jumper.

You can be as sceptical as you like, but I have a room thermometer in my study and it was 9-12C during the day. The heating was off at that point but it came on morning and evening. What makes you think I’m not telling the truth?

Blueborage · 30/12/2022 08:16

Leaving aside the issue of the vile smell of mothballs, are the people who find 12 degrees comfortable fat? I feel I may have to name change after this because it's just not PC to suggest that a thick covering of fat has definite insulating properties. Or possibly quite a lot of Viking ancestry?

Forever42 · 30/12/2022 08:17

Our heating was off for a day and a half over Christmas while we stayed with relatives. The temperature was 13 degrees when we got home and it felt very cold inside.

Yogagrandmum · 30/12/2022 08:19

Blueborage · 30/12/2022 08:16

Leaving aside the issue of the vile smell of mothballs, are the people who find 12 degrees comfortable fat? I feel I may have to name change after this because it's just not PC to suggest that a thick covering of fat has definite insulating properties. Or possibly quite a lot of Viking ancestry?

My mother has lost weight and openly admits she feels the cold now because she’s no longer fat.

Stuffin · 30/12/2022 08:22

Blueborage · 30/12/2022 08:16

Leaving aside the issue of the vile smell of mothballs, are the people who find 12 degrees comfortable fat? I feel I may have to name change after this because it's just not PC to suggest that a thick covering of fat has definite insulating properties. Or possibly quite a lot of Viking ancestry?

I definitely feel the cold more having lost 3 stone. My DH also feels the cold more having lost even more weight.

Going back to the OP, they were bad hosts if they openly ignored your request to put the heating on.

I am cold in the house here at 17 degrees. It's ok at 18 so we tend to fluctuate between 17 and 18. I would find 12 degrees miserable especially if you are sat still.

RampantIvy · 30/12/2022 08:25

DH is very underweight due to health issues and he definitely feels the cold more than I do. I did turn the thermostat down initially, but he was absolutely miserable and as we can afford it I wouldn't want to make my husband cold and miserable.

My sister and BIL are "well insulated" and don't feel the cold, whereas I do.

BIL is very sneery about the fact that I feel the cold, but he is generally a sneery person anyway so I don't take it personally.

How much sitting still do people in 12 degree houses do?

Oblomov22 · 30/12/2022 08:32

That's not just frugal it's tight, mean spirited. Very unattractive traits. I wouldn't be friends with someone if they are, because it's not a nice quality. I bet it seeps in to other areas of the friendship, not just heating. So I wouldn't be friends.

BiasedBinding · 30/12/2022 08:34

i found I couldn’t do sitting down work in 9-12C, my fingers were too cold to type. I could do cleaning and more physical jobs, but I had to put the heating on to do my paid job at home.

I think at 12C most people feel cold at home whatever their size, it’s probably more of a differential as the temperature increases

Oblomov22 · 30/12/2022 08:35

One of the things about friendship is you check whether the other person is ok. Would you like a drink? or are you too hot or too cold? It's no different to If you go to somebody else's house who is elderly and they have the temperature at a very very high setting, 26 or 28 and you asked them to turn it down.

icelolly12 · 30/12/2022 08:36

Someone we know seems to take pride in not having the heating on.

Yes I've noticed people getting extremely competitive over how frugal they are with the heating. This largely seems to be the pensioner generation, so they can grumble about how wasteful the young are and feel all high and mighty about sitting shivering like Scrooge. This is despite the fact that a lot of the most frugal I know are wealthy and get winter payments to help with the cost! (I know not all pensioners are wealthy and many will be frugal out of necessity which is awful).

The media is also largely to blame- many people are now terrified to so much as switch a lightbulb on or boil a cup of tea.

I would just go home where I can have my own heating on as and when I feel like it.

RampantIvy · 30/12/2022 08:37

i found I couldn’t do sitting down work in 9-12C, my fingers were too cold to type. I could do cleaning and more physical jobs, but I had to put the heating on to do my paid job at home.

I would be the same at that temperature.

LlynTegid · 30/12/2022 08:38

Just don't go in winter in future, and say why. Go more often perhaps in spring and summer.

icelolly12 · 30/12/2022 08:41

All these people saying you can happily sit around at 12 degrees Celcius and guests should be willing to do the same.. there's a wealth of evidence to suggest otherwise...

The World Health Organisation (WHO) suggests 18 degrees is the ideal temperature for healthy and well-dressed people. Both agree this is also the ideal temperature for sleeping

Ideally you should heat your home to a temperature of at least 18 °C. This is particularly important if you have reduced mobility, are 65 or over, or have a health condition, such as heart or lung disease. Having room temperatures slightly over 18 °C could be good for your health

www.metoffice.gov.uk/weather/warnings-and-advice/seasonal-advice/your-home/keeping-your-home-warm-in-winter

Amore2 · 30/12/2022 08:44

Yadnbu. I realise it’s personal but a ‘normal’ temp for most people is 18- 21. That is why this is recommended. We have set thermostat at 18.5 this winter and it’s lovely. I would be ok down to 16 indoors if I had layers but 12 degrees just sounds awful to me if you are sitting still. Part of hosting is trying to ensure people are comfortable so they were being unreasonable if they don’t have money problems (and really they should have told you before so you could bring layers - base layers if necessary, they are fab!)

MrsMitford3 · 30/12/2022 08:44

tobee · 30/12/2022 01:52

I'm intrigued because apparently its currently 5.8 degrees outside but my house is 18.3 degrees. The radiators have been off since 8.30 this evening; after having been on for 2 hours. We have had a fire going for most of the evening in the living room. It's a draughty old Edwardian house with no insulation but terraced. I like to be warm but currently happy in t shirt and tracksuit top.

Are people saying they are fine with their house at 12 degrees ? Or they don't need the heating on when it's 12 degrees outside?

I meant that when it is 12 degrees outside we wouldn't but the heating on.
Inside is much warmer.

We still sleep with our bedroom window open-never shut it!

gogohmm · 30/12/2022 08:46

We are all different, at 16 degrees I'm warm in a light jumper whereas the DD's are complaining in oodies. As I'm the only one who can set the heating, I win. (Menopause here, natures central heating system!)

Sunshineandflipflops · 30/12/2022 08:49

We’ve been to see do’s family and have the opposite problem there. They have the thermostat at 28 degrees and I can’t stand it! Granted, I think I am perimenopausal and get hot easily but I just wanted to rip my clothes off my body and wished I had taken a t-shirt with me but I didn’t think to in December!

gogohmm · 30/12/2022 08:50

@icelolly12

I can't sleep if it 18 degrees! I'd have to take my duvet out to the garage! I have problems in hot summer weather. 12-14 is perfect for indoor nighttime temperature

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/12/2022 08:50

Blueborage · 30/12/2022 08:16

Leaving aside the issue of the vile smell of mothballs, are the people who find 12 degrees comfortable fat? I feel I may have to name change after this because it's just not PC to suggest that a thick covering of fat has definite insulating properties. Or possibly quite a lot of Viking ancestry?

But it's true. On general thinner people will feel the cold more, they have less padding.

Thin people's subcutaneous layer lacks adipose tissue, but fat people's subcutaneous layer contains adipose tissue, which functions as an insulator and keeps the body warm. As a result, thin people feel colder than fat people.

TerraNostra · 30/12/2022 08:53

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2022 02:52

Is the partner OK? I'd be really worried about him/her.

You and me both, I said the same @MrsTerryPratchett but nobody else has picked up on it.

CharityShopChic · 30/12/2022 08:53

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:14

We have said that we won't go in December again! I think it was about 12. Ours is between 18 and 20. atm. I think we do feel the cold a bit tbf but this was extreme!

18-20 is pretty much a normal room temperature. 12 is bloody freezing.