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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it inappropriate for an opposite sex teen/YA to share a hotel room with parent?

285 replies

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 29/12/2022 12:53

This was raised on another thread but isn't directly related to the thread so I don't think this is TAAT. Also if you read that thread please don't talk about it, this is a wider question than that situation.

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

YABU you shouldn't share with your older child

YANBU, it is a parent child relationship of course it isn't inappropriate.

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 29/12/2022 12:55

Each to their own.

I've got adult sons and wouldn't want to share a room with them particularly, let alone a double bed, but if needs must then of course.

It's not something either of us would choose though.

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 12:57

Yes. I think it is inappropriate same sex or opposite sex, but especially wildly so if opposite sex. Teen DCs need privacy and dignity from their parents.

Teens aren’t going to be ‘happy with it’, even if they put on a brave face and pretend for their parent’s benefit.

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 29/12/2022 12:57

Adult DS and I have shared twin rooms at airport hotels, family member’s with only one available space for us to sleep etc. If anyone said it was inappropriate I would think they’d lost the plot. I obviously get into my pyjamas in the privacy of the bathroom, then just go and get under the covers and go to sleep. Fair enough if it’s not someone else’s thing but I certainly don’t see it as inappropriate. If there is separate rooms on offer obviously we take them!

bellinisurge · 29/12/2022 13:02

We can't afford not to - dd is 15. We still use a family room. DH tries to give her space and privacy when we all share a room.

GooglyEyeballs · 29/12/2022 13:06

A hotel isn't a permanent living arrangement. I don't think it's inappropriate for short term. But I do think it's not ideal though. But I'm sure teens and parents would agree it's not ideal because what adult wants to share a room with their teen! 😂

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 29/12/2022 13:06

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 12:57

Yes. I think it is inappropriate same sex or opposite sex, but especially wildly so if opposite sex. Teen DCs need privacy and dignity from their parents.

Teens aren’t going to be ‘happy with it’, even if they put on a brave face and pretend for their parent’s benefit.

Newsflash Not all teens are the same

Mine are 16 and 17. The 17 year old would want their own room, the 16 year old genuinely couldn't give a shiny shit about it

EL0ISE · 29/12/2022 13:07

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 29/12/2022 12:57

Adult DS and I have shared twin rooms at airport hotels, family member’s with only one available space for us to sleep etc. If anyone said it was inappropriate I would think they’d lost the plot. I obviously get into my pyjamas in the privacy of the bathroom, then just go and get under the covers and go to sleep. Fair enough if it’s not someone else’s thing but I certainly don’t see it as inappropriate. If there is separate rooms on offer obviously we take them!

Same here. Im a mum with two teenage sons and we’ve done this for the odd night .

I can’t imagine how its “ inappropriate “, we are wearing PJs / old joggers and a t shirt - the same clothes that we wear sitting around the house all evening. No one is naked or bouncing about in a baby doll and having pillow fights or discussing san pro and make up while posing in white lace underwear. These are all just the sexual fantasy of perverts.

We are all under the covers snoring or scrolling on our phones. Other private matters are dealt with in the bathroom, same as at home.

When people says it’s weird i can only assume they have never lived with teenagers. They spend half their lives in their beds. If you didn’t talk to them while in bed you would never have a conversation.

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2022 13:08

Totally fine. What do people think happens when camping?

kirinm · 29/12/2022 13:09

I don't even understand how it could be considered inappropriate assuming we are talking short term and nobody has any mass objections.

About 17 years ago I had an accident and hurt myself (my face) badly. I ended up sharing a bed with my mum for two nights as I was pretty shaken up and needed the support.

Hankunamatata · 29/12/2022 13:09

We often all bunk in one hotel room as travel lots for sport activities. I get changed in bathroom, my teen boys couldn't give a crap and wander around in pants lol

Lulu1919 · 29/12/2022 13:09

I've shared a room with my adult daughter ( I'm female) in many city breaks other the years ...use bathroom to get dressed/ undressed etc for privacy.

sst1234 · 29/12/2022 13:10

To those who think it’s inappropriate, what are you doing in the room that is inappropriate? Stop doing it and it won’t be inappropriate to share a room.

BethDuttonsTwin · 29/12/2022 13:10

I'm a single parent with an adult son and teen dd. When we travel we usually book a family suite so often separate rooms but sometimes not. Sometimes it's two singles and a bed sofa which poor old ds usually has! It wouldn't occur to me that people might find this weird. I can't afford two rooms, so should we just not travel or go anywhere overnight?

vivainsomnia · 29/12/2022 13:10

How odd! I go on shirt breaks with my 20 year old son. Of course we stay in the same room. I just cannot fathom for one second why this would be inappropriate. We change in the bathroom and that's that. My DS feels exactly the same. He 2ould feel awkward if I said it wasn't appropriate to share a room. In appropriate for whom? Him or me?

What world are we living in that anyone could think there is something dodgy about sharing a room with a parent. I even shared a double bed with my dad when I was at Uni and that's all there was. Nothing happened if course. He slept on his side, I slept on mine. Perfectly comfortable. He's my DAD, not some wierd paedo!

otherwayup · 29/12/2022 13:10

@sparepantsandtoothbrush
Spot on!
20 yr old dd would happily sleep in a family room still and parade around in her pants oblivious to everyone else.
Ds, similar age has always been more private and would hate to share a room with me!

Nevermind31 · 29/12/2022 13:11

I mean… I”d always choose to have my own room and bathroom, but have absolutely no issues sharing with my dad. Or my brother (I’m in my late 40s). Nor did I have any issues when my dad took me to uni open days, some of which meant we’d stay in a hotel overnight. Wouldn’t share with my mum though - massive snorer.

HarvestThyme · 29/12/2022 13:12

Of course that's fine for the odd night here and there - sharing a room, obviously not a bed. I imagine everyone would be happier in their own rooms, but that's not always affordable or even possible.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/12/2022 13:12

Onnabugeisha · 29/12/2022 12:57

Yes. I think it is inappropriate same sex or opposite sex, but especially wildly so if opposite sex. Teen DCs need privacy and dignity from their parents.

Teens aren’t going to be ‘happy with it’, even if they put on a brave face and pretend for their parent’s benefit.

Not all teens feel like this, my daughters both actively prefer to share a room with me, especially my older one (18) , who likes to share a bed with me sometimes, when DH is away she will come in with me, or if she is sad or upset.

Lenald · 29/12/2022 13:13

I wouldn’t do it personally but I think we instinctively sexualise situations that are just not that at all.

Even though I’m aware that our society over sexualises innocent situations I still wouldn’t do this myself, it would make me uncomfortable but it reality it’s innocent and there’s nothing wrong with it.

Myfinalthoughtsonthisissue · 29/12/2022 13:13

If I was staying in a hotel, I'm not going to put my two young boys in a different hotel room! They'll be in the twin bed next to mine. Different naturally if they're teenagers and want their own room but otherwise, why is it inappropriate for a parent to want to look after their kids in the same room?

itwasboundtohappen · 29/12/2022 13:13

when I use to visit my dad, my then 15 and 13 DS and me shared the only spare room at my dads. they use take sleeping bags and 1 roll mat, then decide who was on the floor and who on the bed.

it was just a room to sleep in 🤷‍♀️

SuperGinger · 29/12/2022 13:14

I once went somewhere with my Dad, I guess I was about 20 and we had to share a twin room, it was fine. Both just polite, changed in the bathroom etc. I wouldn't share a bed.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 29/12/2022 13:14

YANBU of course it's appropriate! It's your child regardless of age.

Me and my eldest DC (bio male but non-binary) shared a room after a gig just before lockdown. Got to the room and they had given us a double bed by accident and had no twin rooms left.
We just built a pillow wall down the middle and I had to promise to not attempt to cuddle 😂😂

Some of the reactions on here are way OTT.

SomethingOriginal2 · 29/12/2022 13:15

If everybody is happy then it's fine. Anyone can room share if they're happy to. Except for children obviously.

If a teen of any gender didn't want to share a room with their parent then that should be respected.

JustDanceAddict · 29/12/2022 13:15

Absolutely appropriate for either sex. I’d share a twin room w my older (adult) teen son & my dh would do so w adult dd. I’m not keen on all of us in one room cos of snoring etc issues but that’s it. My opposite sex adult children share a room on holiday too.