Is it inappropriate for an opposite sex teen/YA to share a hotel room with parent?

[MrsRobinsonsHandprints]

This was raised on another thread but isn't directly related to the thread so I don't think this is TAAT. Also if you read that thread please don't talk about it, this is a wider question than that situation.

Providing everyone gets on and is happy with it I don't think it is inappropriate for a parent to share a hotel room with their opposite sex child/Young adult. I would go further and say (again providing both sides are happy) that it isn't inappropriate to share with your child at any age.

YABU you shouldn't share with your older child

YANBU, it is a parent child relationship of course it isn't inappropriate.

Privacy and dignity? You can have those things even if sharing a room short time. I know this as I shared rooms with my parents on holiday for many years including as a teen and do that same with my teens.

You haven't really said what is inappropriate though. What dignity are they losing?

I shared a room with my ds when he was 16 for a week. It really wasn't an issue, we just got changed in the bathroom.

In a hotel room for a few nights? Totally fine.

Seriously perverse that anyone would suggest otherwise.

What makes sharing a bedroom inappropriate but sharing a sitting room okay? Just parent and child? What about siblings where one is an adult and one a teen? I shared a motel room as an adult with my then 16year old DSis.

How is it infantalising them? You have some really odd thoughts.

And do you realise some families are stuck in one room temporary housing for months??? For a few nights to be able to have a holiday it fine

Short answer. No of course not.
But different families live differently. Some are very closed door, private, no nudity. Others are no locks, walk around starkers, have chats with others in the bath. The former probably thinks it inappropriate, the latter, anything goes.

@DuckonaBike

I took a ferry last year and had the options of a shared cabin with strangers!

Can someone please explain to this poster why a 3 bed villa isn’t an option for everyone.

Onna , It is so sad that you think that. You must have had some horrible experiences for you to think it’s inappropriate to share.

its that simple
Well it isn't as most don't understand, so we are trying to get your rationale as to what is inappropriate. It's reasonable. Either you don't even know yourself or you do but are ashamed to explain?

Of course sexual abuse happen but that's thankfully a rarity. The very vast majority of parents and teenagers/adults children don't ever have any such thought ever entering their mind thankfully and sharing a room on holiday or break doesn't make any difference to their mindset!

🤣 I think it’s a stealth boast!

Yes it is.
I don’t have major issues going on. You & others keep insinuating that I think it’s inappropriate due to some fear of sex abuse or sexual behaviours like masturbating. It has nothing to do with anything sexual at all.

It’s about viewing privacy and autonomy as a priority. There’s none of the “do you mind if I read with the light on?” Or “could you do a poo after I’ve showered, because the bathroom will stink otherwise?” Or “who made the last teabag at the tea station…you know I asked it to be saved for this morning!” Or “Oh no my period started and I leaked on the hotel sheets…how am I going to handle this with DS 16 sleeping a metre away from me?”

You cannot relax in such crowded conditions. You can’t do what you what, when you want, you have no privacy.

We’d be that family snarling and snapping, getting no rest and having an awful holiday if we bunked together like a litter of puppies. Not worth going at all if there is zero privacy.

Apparently, it is an option for most posting here. They just prefer to pay for a nicer hotel/resort or for more activities instead.

What is inappropriate about it? You are unable to explain this.

How is it infantilising? He is the one putting up and taking down the tent, he gets annoyed with me forgetting how it goes! We have a three man tent, not a circus tent. Also a small car, no room for multiple tents when you add in all the other camping things.

To be fair, if this is your family dynamic, then I understand why you feel the way you do. But many families operate in a different way. So whilst sharing is inappropriate for you, you must accept that it’s not necessarily inappropriate for others.

I mean, I can relax in those situations... because we're family, so that's the sort of thing that can happen at home too (teabags, pooing, lights etc. - my sons have seen stained stuff when I've had accidents when on my period, no-one's fussed.

Honestly, I just like my kids, we get on, even if one did use the last teabag, I'd be momentarily miffed, then get some more teabags - darn site cheaper than an entire hotel room each!

Dh and I often share a hotel room with our 20y Dd.
Privacy for changing etc comes through a decent sized bathroom. She obviously had her own bed.

Dd is given the option - cheaper hotel and separate rooms, staying in a holiday let rather than hotel, not coming away, etc. Where possible we will book family rooms, rooms next to one another, or duplex rooms but sometimes it's just not possible - and a lot of hotels in places like the US have two large double beds anyway and big rooms.

It's not that uncommon in the us for two couples to share a bedroom with two double beds. I find that much stranger than parents sharing with their own offspring!

Dd chooses to share if she gets to have a free holiday in a fancy hotel. It doesn't bother any of us 🤷🏻‍♀️ and it certainly isn't inappropriate in any way.

Mind you, over Christmas my 40+y bil shared a room at our house with his mum. It was that or spend Christmas on his own or pay £££ for a hotel room which would mean an expensive taxi journey on Christmas Day or driving too.

I think on MN people like to portray the idea that everyone should have infinite finances to provide everyone their own room, even on holidays, or should never go away.

Real life tells me this isn't the case. Everyone I know shares with their teens and young adults on holidays if staying in a hotel some of the time.

Ah so it’s not inappropriate, it’s just inconvenient for you.

Same to you, and don’t be like the judgey ones on here calling it “perverse” and accusing me of only doing it for fear of sex abuse, sexual thoughts. That’s sick. It has nothing to do with any of that.

It’s inappropriate. Privacy & autonomy isn’t a convenience, it’s a human right.

Thousands of homeless families share one hotel or B&B room - your council and government think this is OK.

I took my 15 year old nephew to New York - we shared a suite - separate beds and sleeping areas but in effect on large (ish) hotel room. I know he is 15 but I would have been worried about him alone on a hotel room!

This. I think inappropriate is the wrong word.
your preference is not to share. That’s my preference too but finances dictate that I do share with my kids. But it’s not inappropriate. It’s inconvenient at times I agree when my son uses the last tea bag. But it’s not inappropriate.