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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so disappointed in my son

360 replies

abrandnewhumbug · 28/12/2022 19:56

I’m a single mum to one son. He’s 10.

I didn’t get a single Christmas gift. I don't have a partner and my family only do gifts for the kids, so there's no one to buy me one.

My family gifted my son cash (that was what he wanted) and my brother commented to not forget to buy his mum something with it (he ended up with nearly £500 as we’re a big family and people were really generous). He told my brother he would definitely buy me something.

He hasn’t. He’s spent the lot on rubbish. He’s just had a trip to Lapland too (my gift to him).

He’s a really good boy but I’m so disappointed in him. Lots of my friends are single parents with even younger kids and all those kids found a way buy their mums a little gift.

Now, I don’t need anything and money definitely isn’t an issue but I’m so disheartened that he’d be so ungenerous. It feels very greedy and entitled especially after such a lavish Christmas (his dad isn’t on the scene at all - I do all of it). Even a £1 box of chocolates would’ve proved he had a good heart. He’s had tons and tons of opportunity to buy something since he got the money (he got it before Christmas as we were in Lapland after that).

I’m not sure how to broach this with him, if at all. This feels like a good learning moment but it also feels really wrong to tell my child off for not buying me a gift.

OP posts:
Claddyt · 28/12/2022 19:58

He is 10 OP this is ridiculous!!!! If your family wanted to gift to you they shouldn’t of given him alll the money GROW UP

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/12/2022 19:59

YABU! He’s 10. Stop forking out on trips to Lapland and get yourself something nice. He’s too old for Santa anyway.

AndyWarholsPiehole · 28/12/2022 19:59

He's only 10. Why didn't a family member make sure he bought you a gift?

TimeForTeaAndG · 28/12/2022 20:00

He's 10. If you're that bothered then speak to the grown ups around you if one of them could make sure he has the opportunity to get you something. How would you expect him to have bought a gift?

Dillydollydingdong · 28/12/2022 20:00

Buy yourself something and tell him he's paying for it out of his pocket money. Then stop his pocket money for the appropriate number of weeks!

Dacadactyl · 28/12/2022 20:00

I think your family have no idea about kids if they expected him not to go mad with excitement and spend it all.

Your brother should've taken him shopping to get you something.

I would however tell my son that I was upset he didn't get me anything. I wouldn't labour the point, but would mention that it would've been nice to think of me.

sunshineandshowers40 · 28/12/2022 20:00

He is 10 years old, he needs an adult to help him buy you a gift even if he uses his own money. Your expectations are far too high.

Original poster
abrandnewhumbug · 28/12/2022 20:00

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 19:58

He is 10 OP this is ridiculous!!!! If your family wanted to gift to you they shouldn’t of given him alll the money GROW UP

It's absolutely not about the gift. I'm just worried it reflects on whether he thinks about other people.

Maybe he's too young for me to be worried about this.

The other mums on my single mum whatsapp group were sharing pics of little trinkets their kids got them and I was concerned I was doing something wrong, parenting-wise, that my son didn't do something like this.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 28/12/2022 20:01

Sounds like he's spoiled and this is the result of that.

motheroreily · 28/12/2022 20:01

How would he buy it?
He's not really old enough to go to the shops on his own.
Perhaps your brother could have taken him to buy something.
I never get a present from my child. It doesn't bother me though

Uncertain111 · 28/12/2022 20:01

You’re being unreasonable- he is only ten.

Lovemusic33 · 28/12/2022 20:01

Single parent here. My dc are 16 and 18 and still don’t get me a gift. I buy my own gifts. Occasionally my mum will buy them a gift to give to me but it’s usually something pretty awful or just chocolate. I don’t expect anything from them.

TimeToFlyNow · 28/12/2022 20:01

Well mine are 9 and 11 and managed to buy me gifts

Saying that I think £500 just given to him by family to spend on what ever is too much. What rubbish did he spend it on ?

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2022 20:01

I was buying gifts for my parents at Christmas unprompted, using my own pocket money, at the age of 10. Didn't think this was unusual but the consensus here seems to be it is. Confused

Needmorelego · 28/12/2022 20:02

Did he go shopping independently without you? Because otherwise how on earth did he spend £500 on "rubbish". It was his money - but you should have been looking after it.
Also 10 year olds usually wouldn't know what to buy their mum unless someone helped them so I would give him some slack there.
I am curious what he spent £500 on.

Longwhiskers · 28/12/2022 20:02

I don’t know, he should have thought. But is he a thoughtful child in general? Aged under 10 I saved my pocket money to buy my mum nice soap From the body shop each Christmas (it was the 80s!) and would get my dad to take me there.

Notthetoothfairy · 28/12/2022 20:03

I have a 10 year old DS who is very sweet and caring but would not have known how to go about getting a gift or really thought of it. Too young for you to be annoyed, the others probably had some adult input/help.

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 20:04

He is OP I have a 10yo son and I wouldn’t ever expect a thing from him he’s far too young!! he’s a kid!! the adults should of kept a little by to gift to you from him….

ilovesooty · 28/12/2022 20:04

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2022 20:01

I was buying gifts for my parents at Christmas unprompted, using my own pocket money, at the age of 10. Didn't think this was unusual but the consensus here seems to be it is. Confused

So was I.

If he managed to burn through £500 he could surely have bought a small gift for his mother.

gloobe · 28/12/2022 20:04

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable I think you’re clearly feeling unappreciated and it’s a shame the other adults in you and your sons life didn’t take the initiative to help your boy choose something for you, BUT they’re not mind readers. Express yourself to your support system (not your son, although I know that’s tough not to take personally as you’re together 24/7 but he is only 10, even though at times they can seem like mini adults he is a child)
No criticism intended OP, you’re not alone so don’t feel discouraged

Sunnydays0101 · 28/12/2022 20:05

How did he spend the £500 - surely you brought him shopping/guided him on what he brought to make sure ur wasn’t all spent on crap??

Largethighsbadeyes · 28/12/2022 20:05

My son buys us gifts but because he wants to and sorts out an adult to take him/help him buy it online. It is absolutely not something we expect him to do!

Whoever said to buy yourself something out of his pocket money and then stop the pocket money for however long to pay it off is ridiculous and I hope they don't have kids.

Also, probably an unpopular opinion but Christmas is for presents not money, I'd have a quiet word with your family about what they are giving him for Christmas (DPs family give money and it really annoys me...go to the shops! Especially for kids)

Morielle · 28/12/2022 20:06

YANBU and some responses on here are shocking! He should have thought about you, his mum got you a little something.
You probably should talk to him about it gently but when you do I Im guessing he'll feel really guilty. Kids need to know that Christmas isn't all about the presents and money haul but being together and being kind to each other. Sorry OP that's sad and he needs the lesson.
And the person who told you to grow up needs a reality check

YoBeaches · 28/12/2022 20:06

He's 10.

You let him blow £500 on shite.

Your friends kids didn't go shopping by themselves.

What planet are you on?

MummyJ36 · 28/12/2022 20:06

It’s not his fault you are a single parent and I say this as someone who grew up in a single parent family. If you had a DP would you expect your son to think about a gift for you? If you’d like him to understand gift giving then take him to a cheap £1 shop and let him pick out a few gifts for family (and you).