To be so disappointed in my son

[abrandnewhumbug]

I’m a single mum to one son. He’s 10.

I didn’t get a single Christmas gift. I don't have a partner and my family only do gifts for the kids, so there's no one to buy me one.

My family gifted my son cash (that was what he wanted) and my brother commented to not forget to buy his mum something with it (he ended up with nearly £500 as we’re a big family and people were really generous). He told my brother he would definitely buy me something.

He hasn’t. He’s spent the lot on rubbish. He’s just had a trip to Lapland too (my gift to him).

He’s a really good boy but I’m so disappointed in him. Lots of my friends are single parents with even younger kids and all those kids found a way buy their mums a little gift.

Now, I don’t need anything and money definitely isn’t an issue but I’m so disheartened that he’d be so ungenerous. It feels very greedy and entitled especially after such a lavish Christmas (his dad isn’t on the scene at all - I do all of it). Even a £1 box of chocolates would’ve proved he had a good heart. He’s had tons and tons of opportunity to buy something since he got the money (he got it before Christmas as we were in Lapland after that).

I’m not sure how to broach this with him, if at all. This feels like a good learning moment but it also feels really wrong to tell my child off for not buying me a gift.

The only thing he needs to learn is that Christmas is for GIVING. You should be encouraging him to buy presents for the people he loves. I used to take my two to the pound shop, get then to think about how many people they wanted to buy presents for, then give them a set amount 10 pounds or something, and they would buy their own presents. They would be so proud to pick out treasures for the people they love, and I started when they were very small-maybe 4 and 6? They are now 18 and 16 and they buy their own presents for family members with no prompting from me

I can understand that it must have been a little disappointing for you, but comparing yourself to your friends and their little ones gift giving isn’t the way to go. For all we know a lot of those kids come from 2 parent households and the other parent took the initiative to take the child shopping/bought the presents on their behalf.

I don’t personally think you should say anything outright to your son - he is only 10 after all and the realisation that he’s hurt you on Christmas may hurt him and he may put too much importance on gift giving in future. It’s about encouragement and teaching by example. He received £500 from various relatives - did he buy any of them presents? Did you take him out shopping to buy presents for anyone? If he sees you doing it, and maybe you including him in the process, he may learn the importance of thinking of other people. And there are obviously far better and cheaper ways of teaching kindness and thoughtfulness - make sure you’re employing them too.

I don't think it's unreasonable to be upset.

I didn't have pocket money as a child but I had soap making kits, craft sets etc. And I always made sure I made my parents something at that age and I'd put a lot of effort into it. As soon as I had money of my own it was my priority to try and get something thoughtful.

I gave a friend with a now 11 year old, he's always put a little bit of his pocket money towards a gift (used to be prompted but now does it on his own)

I don't think this means you have an overall inconsiderate child as hes so young. but I'd make a point in saying that he needs to learn to give back and mention it has upset you so he learns

He’s 10! I don’t really expect a present from my 14 yo and definitely wouldn’t from a 10 yo.

Your family should have bought presents directly for you, not given the money to a 10 yo to do it. I’ve never heard of anyone doing such a thing.

I also think your expectations are way too high!!! He's only 10. Could you have asked a family friend/relative to go shopping with him for a present for you. OR take him present shopping himself. Also when you say he bought a load of "rubbish", that's "rubbish" for you, not a 10 year old's version of rubbish. Your brother had the right idea. But maybe he should have taken your son shopping to get you a present.

I’m can’t believe what I’m reading. You can’t seriously expect your 10 year old to buy you a present. If no one gets you one it’s your problem, not his.

Christ I don’t even like my young adult child to buy me anything, as they need the money more than me.

how did it get to this op? How did it get so low that no one buys you presents and you want your own 10 year old to step in and fill the breach?

It clearly is about the gift. You even go on about how no one buys you a present. Call him greedy and entitled. And even allude to telling him off.

if you want presents then speak to other adults. You aren’t entitled to a gift from his Christmas money. It was for him. Not you.

it is you who is being greedy and entitled

At 10 he is capable of buying you a present with your support. He didn’t. Did you create the opportunity? With so much himself for Christmas it’s time to have a conversation about the joy of giving. More importantly how has he spent £500 already? Has he squandered it?

He’s 10

my daughter is 12 and has money, she didn’t get me anything and I haven’t even thought anything of it

I would think a 10 year old would need adult support with getting a present

I'd have told him before Christmas that you would like a gift.