To be so disappointed in my son

[abrandnewhumbug]

I’m a single mum to one son. He’s 10.

I didn’t get a single Christmas gift. I don't have a partner and my family only do gifts for the kids, so there's no one to buy me one.

My family gifted my son cash (that was what he wanted) and my brother commented to not forget to buy his mum something with it (he ended up with nearly £500 as we’re a big family and people were really generous). He told my brother he would definitely buy me something.

He hasn’t. He’s spent the lot on rubbish. He’s just had a trip to Lapland too (my gift to him).

He’s a really good boy but I’m so disappointed in him. Lots of my friends are single parents with even younger kids and all those kids found a way buy their mums a little gift.

Now, I don’t need anything and money definitely isn’t an issue but I’m so disheartened that he’d be so ungenerous. It feels very greedy and entitled especially after such a lavish Christmas (his dad isn’t on the scene at all - I do all of it). Even a £1 box of chocolates would’ve proved he had a good heart. He’s had tons and tons of opportunity to buy something since he got the money (he got it before Christmas as we were in Lapland after that).

I’m not sure how to broach this with him, if at all. This feels like a good learning moment but it also feels really wrong to tell my child off for not buying me a gift.

If no-one teaches your child how to buy and why to buy as gift or make a handmade card etc, he won't magically learn.

Children who do this have learnt by gentle hints ( or direct ones lol), or been taken to the shops with money and told to pick something out, or watched older siblings do it. it is a parents or caregivers role to teach a child, and on occasions remind teenagers. If no-one bothers to teach them, role model it, or guide them, it won't happen magically, it certainly isn't a 10 years olds child fault.

You sound like my mother. When we were young she used complain continuously to us about her presents. We lived in the countryside and had to be driven to the nearest city to do our shopping.
Give your son a break.

Yabu. Time for some money managment lessons. We have a spend half, save half policy so half goes into savings account for things like drivings lessons, expensive school trips in high school etc. Have you explicity took him to a hop to buy you a gift or asked a relative

In the run up to Christmas I start sending mine messages beginning “If you’re looking for ideas for my Christmas present here’s a link…”
Now they’re older they can buy online but when they were younger it was links to hight street items.

So he has to buy you a present to ‘prove’ he has a good heart?! YABVU. He’s 10! Yikes.

Really, I wasn’t aware of that, thanks so much for pointing that out. Imagine I never knew the word ‘bought’ existed until now! Your contribution to this thread is invaluable.

Have you never typed something very quickly without reading back over it??

Tell him that you feel sad that he didn’t get you anything. Otherwise - how will he know that it matters to you?

10 years is old enough for ops son to have bought a gift… my mum was a single parent and I remember buying her chocolates from the local shop!

He’s not an infant, I’m sure he’s quite capable of going to the local shop to buy a token gift or even asking an uncle/ aunt to pick something up.

This is the most ridiculous post. He's ten. He's a child. Did you expect him to order your gift online and pay with his debit card or get the bus to town and buy it in person?

Who was supervising him spending his money? That's your responsibility. Because he's only 10.

I really am baffled why adults behave like children at Christmas and expect gifts....
I'm a single mother - I choose to buy my son a present (actually I give him money so he can buy what he wants), he doesn't buy gifts and never has (my exH never suggested it).
My son is very sensible with money (for his age!) so I'm more than happy that he doesn't feel the need to bow to the commercial pressures of Christmas.
He gave me a big hug on Christmas Day, that's enough for me !!

Plus your son is 10, you need to grow up.

Ideally you would (or his dad, other family member) take him shopping to buy presents for immediate family. If your family only do kids presents maybe it never occurred to him.

If he has wasted his Christmas money time to talk about saving and open up an account for him. £500 is way too much money for him to have in cash and how did he spend it if he does not go shopping on his own?

Kids are supposed to be taught stuff like this, not just know it when they reach a magic age. It’s like the “I got the tube all over London at 10” people. Maybe they did but no 10yo is booted out the front door and expected to find their way to the station, buy a ticket, get through the barriers, find the right platform and direction etc without having been on a tube before and knowing what to do. My siblings and I always bought our parents and grandparents something but when we were very small and out shopping one of them would say “this would be lovely for you to give to granny” and pick up some oil of ulay and then we would wrap it (with help) and hand it over on Christmas Day. By 10 we would be taken to the post office sometime in early December to withdraw a small amount of money so we could get our own old spice gift set and box of black magic in the local Boots and newsagent. In secondary school we would be shopping in town but the gifts were still shite. Most 10yos who are buying parents gifts are being taken and directed by one of the adults in their lives even if it’s as basic as “right, pick something from the chocolate aisle for your mum” during a Tesco shop, or have always sat down with an adult before Christmas and made something to give. It takes a bit more than an uncle saying “get something for your mum” and then on a different day being in an airport shop. They aren’t grown men, just say “maybe there is something here that you could get me for Christmas? How about these socks or this kilogram bar of toblerone?”

He’s 10 FFS!!!

He’s a little boy

you’re feeling sorry for yourself and being selfish. You’re an adult and he’s a child.

you expect too much of him.

For those asking how would he buy it - my son when aged about 8 asked me to drive him to the nearest department store and instructed me to wait in the car. He then went in to find a store assistant and told her that he had £20 pocket money to buy something for his mum and would she please help him. I think the assistant was delighted to be asked and proceeded to take my son around the store making various suggestions. He eventually came out with some lovely gift-wrapped perfume.

Exactly this!!!

YANBU

10 is a little boy? He's a year 5 or 6 . They are not little boys

That’s great for you. But kids develop at different rates and I’ve different lives. Of course some kids at 10 will but a present for a parent. others won’t.

My son is ten. He isn’t one of the getting the bus to town solo and sourcing his own gift at John Lewis, as he’s done since he was aged six types. But nor is has he bought nothing for anyone. He’s kind of in between.

I did buy presents from a young age, that was due to my dad giving me pocket money but making me save some each week, then use some of that at Xmas. I also went to town with friends but we had the middle school system so I was used to getting buses at age 9. I also had an older sister so got into going shopping, and I had similar mature-ish friends who liked to browse the shops (I was November born so one of the eldest in the year).

My son is younger for his age (July born), walks to school, doesn’t have friends interested in going shopping and our only walkable shop is a co-op.

He gets pocket money like I did, including a savings pot (albeit all virtual on Rooster) and the last two-three years I’ve done a list with him of who he wants to buy for then taken him to the pound shop 😂 This year he got his dad a 5 pack of pork scratchings, my dad a toblerone (his favourite) his cousin a rainbow poppit amongst other things.

I had to stand and hold the basket while he went to find something for me, then look away while the cashier put his haul in the bag.

He got me some raspberry scented shampoo as it’s his favourite scent and I go swimming a lot so use a lot of shampoo 😂

So the gift shopping is prompted by me admittedly and he does like doing it, but probably wouldn’t do it off his own bat as he’s just not interested in buying stuff

It may be a plan to try next year?

He’s definitely not too young to be thoughtful and buy you a gift unprompted, I was doing that for parents by that age. I’d have a word and explain how hurt you feel etc. it’s important that kids understand what impact they can have on others, there’s way too many posters on here complaining about lazy thoughtless adult partners.

It is ridiculous to be disappointed in a 10 year old CHILD.

I went to secondary school at 10 (not in the UK before posters rush to tell me it isn't possible) and certainly didn't consider myself a CHILD, and was perfectly capable of buying gifts for my parents.

As for those asking how a 10 year old can possibly go shopping - he seems to have managed to spend almost 500 pounds easily enough!!! I don't think the OP was expecting diamonds, but what 10 year old is incapable of buying a cake of chocolate?

He's 10 years old. Unless someone has specifically said to him that it's normal to buy presents for the adults in his life, then he won't know he's expected to do so.

Why don't people read things properly? It clearly says in the original post that the OP's brother mentioned to her son about buying her a present, and he told the brother that he would.

I agree with others who say that you need to gently teach him how to buy for others. But also you need to consider what you are teaching him about the value of money. You said he had £500 and spent it on rubbish. That's totally unacceptable and a 10 yr old should be spending all that money. For monetary gifts you need to impose done rules. A percentage is saved. A percentage goes on a large item he wants/needs. A percentage on clothes/trainers. A small amount for the 'rubbish'. You decide the rules and monitor them.