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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wont stop asking!

852 replies

Castleontheisland · 28/12/2022 05:05

Name changed for this as my other threads are quite outing. Sorry its long!

Me and partner are away for a few days over Christmas, our next door neighbour has a spare key for our house for emergencies (we have their spare house key as well). We are not close friends just normal neighbours, They have had family visiting over Christmas/new year. On boxing day they text me and asked if some of their family could sleep in our home as more of the family had arrive unexpectedly! We said no because beds need changing and heating not on etc.(also I dont want strangers in my home)Well since then we have had text after text asking over and over again! I have also repeatedly tried to ring them but they are not picking up! The last one was very late last night (I was already in bed asleep)asking again and saying the family who they want to stay's car has broken down! I feel like packing up here and going home now as so worried they will just use my house anyway! I dont have any friends or family nearby who can check on my home. My partner has said they surely wont just use our house but I'm not sure they wont. 😥

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 28/12/2022 14:44

This is awful OP, such a breach of your trust. Ignore the poster who has got no idea about the law around trespass, etc - giving a key to a neighbour with the instructions it is for emergency use only does not mean they have free reign to go into your house anytime they like, do whatever they like in your home or give your keys to anyone else they think might like them and there be no legal repercussions (even if purely civil court rather than criminal charges). If you hire a car for Monday - Friday, but the hire car company don't collect it til the following Monday, it doesn't mean you can use it over the weekend too! You haven't paid to use it then (and therefore unlikely to be insured etc too).

My husband had a neighbour when we first got together who had a key for his house and he hers. She used to let herself in to borrow videos (to be fair he had said she could borrow them but not sure he totally meant go in specifically to treat it like a lending library) - she'd also do his washing up for him because he left it like a shithole. I still can't believe he used to boast about it and not be embarrassed. Anyway, after I started spending more time there I left my DVD player and the half a dozen or so DVD's I had there. The neighbour helped herself to a brand new dvd (still in its cellophane wrapper) and it was only when I got my husband (then BF) to call her to ask if she had it that she said she had and hadn't realised he had a DVD player too as she thought only she did. She never even apologised - despite it being obvious that we hadn't even watched it yet (I think we were planning to watch it at the weekend if I remember correctly). She was an all round odd woman though and the whole set up/agreement they had was weird too! Even she wouldn't have considered using his house to let her family/friends sleep in when he wasn't there!

It's a very long way for your sister, mum and BIL to travel to check on the house for you, especially as at that time they are likely to be in your neighbours house (I'd presume they are only going in to sleep there... at least I hope so). I agree with the idea of using a local Facebook group - maybe even DM someone you have seen regularly post if you don't want your neighbour to see. Find a busybody and they will LOVE to get involved!

I completely understand how you're feeling. If they'd asked in advance you might have agreed (for a small cost to cover expenses) and you'd have stripped the bed (leaving them fresh linen or asking them to bring sleeping bags), you'd have moved anything personal, private, fragile or valuable out of sight/somewhere safe, etc. Or you'd have said no and taken your key back in advance (and taken any precautions you felt necessary to ensure they hadn't made copies). Either way, you'd have felt far more in control of the situation - as it stands you feel like they'll be judging your house, they'll be looking through your things, they might even steal stuff (what if you keep some emergency cash at home for example). There's also costs - what about if they left the house at 9am to go to your neighbours, but put the heating up to 20°C before they left so the house was warm enough for when they got back - and then don't go back til midnight. That's an expensive day of heating an empty house! So many things they could accidentally do because they aren't as cautious or conscientious as they'd be at home.

I hope you find out the truth. Good luck and please try to enjoy your holiday.

Tillow4ever · 28/12/2022 14:45

Wow that was a long reply, sorry!

EileenAdler · 28/12/2022 14:48

Change the locks.

pocketvenuss · 28/12/2022 15:00

Message and say you are coming back early

FairyMarie · 28/12/2022 15:01

Cheeky buggers. Please update us when you hear from your relatives 🤦🏻‍♀️

Foodieasfuck · 28/12/2022 15:21

Cheeky fuckers at their finest!

BlankTimes · 28/12/2022 15:23

Sorry, not RTFT so hoping I'm not repeating advice like the famous Cancel the Cheque thread.

My sisters husband is leaving work early today and picking my sister and my mum up and the 3 of them are going to check my house (its about 80 to 90 minutes drive away for them)

Tell him to get your key off the neighbour there and then and keep it until you get back.

Flutterbybudget · 28/12/2022 15:27

I’m just following cos I’m a nosy cow and want to know if they’re actually using the house.
With everyone else on here OP, that sucks anyway. Get your key back asap.

Castleontheisland · 28/12/2022 15:33

BIL has just picked up mum and sister up and they are on their way to my house. The plan is just to let themselves in using mums key, check everything is ok and go and knock on next door neighbour and ask for the spare key (using excuse sisters working in nearby town and needs to pop back ) hopefully everything will be ok....if not mums ready to really give it to them! So worrying 😪I am just getting over a broken leg and this holiday was ment to be a nice break away x

OP posts:
Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 28/12/2022 15:33

We have a neighbours door key. I can’t imagine even asking for family to stay. It’s for if the house is burning down or occasionally feeding a cat or watering a plant. I think even asking is cheeky, let alone repeatedly and potentially ignoring your no!!!!! Unbelievable.

Lenald · 28/12/2022 15:35

That’s fucking mental. Get your key back.

send a friend round to make sure no one’s in there

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/12/2022 15:36

Great that they can go over. Keep us posted!

blubberyboo · 28/12/2022 15:37

How unfair of them to put this stress on you!

hope they haven’t been so cheeky to use the house after you said no

nobody wants strangers in their house not to mention the insurance risk

PurpleButterflyWings · 28/12/2022 15:40

This is why hell will freeze over before I give a neighbour a key to our house. Won't even give a friend one. Only our 2 DC have a key. And us obvs. No need for anyone else to have one. This is the ultimate cheeky fuckery. As pps have said @Castleontheisland it's very likely the neighbours have already moved their people in. Absolute fucking piss take. Confused

BlancPetal · 28/12/2022 15:40

So cheeky of them and so stressful for you.
Get your key back snd change the locks.

Itschristmastimeinthecity · 28/12/2022 15:42

Castleontheisland · 28/12/2022 15:33

BIL has just picked up mum and sister up and they are on their way to my house. The plan is just to let themselves in using mums key, check everything is ok and go and knock on next door neighbour and ask for the spare key (using excuse sisters working in nearby town and needs to pop back ) hopefully everything will be ok....if not mums ready to really give it to them! So worrying 😪I am just getting over a broken leg and this holiday was ment to be a nice break away x

That's good!

Mummapenguin20 · 28/12/2022 15:42

I’d get your key back

Cakeyface123 · 28/12/2022 15:44

Flutterbybudget · 28/12/2022 15:27

I’m just following cos I’m a nosy cow and want to know if they’re actually using the house.
With everyone else on here OP, that sucks anyway. Get your key back asap.

Me too! I’m on pins here waiting for the next update 🙈😂

MummyJ36 · 28/12/2022 15:45

God this is such shocking and cheeky behaviour! Have they never heard of a Travelodge?! Hoping for an update OP that they’ve seen the light and not done something out of order

Cakeyface123 · 28/12/2022 15:48

Cakeyface123 · 28/12/2022 15:44

Me too! I’m on pins here waiting for the next update 🙈😂

Sorry OP - this was insensitive of me. It must be really shit and stressful for you.

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 28/12/2022 15:48

Hell no!
Definitely change the locks on getting back too.

Elena567 · 28/12/2022 15:48

Have they responded to your texts and calls today OP?

Inkpotlover · 28/12/2022 15:48

Castleontheisland · 28/12/2022 15:33

BIL has just picked up mum and sister up and they are on their way to my house. The plan is just to let themselves in using mums key, check everything is ok and go and knock on next door neighbour and ask for the spare key (using excuse sisters working in nearby town and needs to pop back ) hopefully everything will be ok....if not mums ready to really give it to them! So worrying 😪I am just getting over a broken leg and this holiday was ment to be a nice break away x

I hope everything is fine with the house, OP, and you can get back to enjoying your holiday. I hope your mum still gives them both barrels for being CF in the first place for asking! x

Marshmallowmountain · 28/12/2022 15:49

Oh gosh OP how stressful!!! Hopefully they’ve not actually used your house but either way I’d be getting those keys back!

WifeMotherWorker · 28/12/2022 15:50

Some people really are CF, it would never in a million years occur to me to ask even my dearest closest friend of we could use their house to accommodate additional Christmas guests!!!

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