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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

350 replies

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:05

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

OP posts:
starpatch · 27/12/2022 20:07

Honestly I think only you know your 2 year old, but mine needed constant attention from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep so it would have been a 'no way' from me. I still couldn't actually work a 10 hour day while supervising my 10 year old!

pinkfishbluefish · 27/12/2022 20:08

My DM did this with both me and my sister circa 25 years ago, with no issues then

You will get loads of comments on here warning you that you cannot possibly do both, but in truth I think it really depends on the nature of your job especially if DH is around and you can make up hours elsewhere. If you’re just sending emails or doing spreadsheets, in admin or marketing etc then cannot see why not. Different if you’re going to be in and out of meetings at scheduled times.

Charliehaus · 27/12/2022 20:08

I’d be super annoyed if my colleague was actually looking after their kid rather than working or trying to work whilst I actually do work.
I think you’re taking the piss
it was bad enough in lock down with colleagues and their screaming kids

Flamingogirl08 · 27/12/2022 20:10

Depends on your job really. It could very well be possible

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 20:10

I am really surprised your workplace are ok with this

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:11

@starpatch depends on the day really. Some days he wants nothing to do with us except for food/water/nappy changed and plays on the floor by himself for hours or wants Paw Patrol on. Other times it's constant attention.

OP posts:
WrongLife · 27/12/2022 20:11

Honestly if I had a colleague who was also doing childcare I would be annoyed. It's going to get worse as they get older and drop nap time, what happens when a tantrum happens and you need to be in a meeting? Will you have careful coordination to make sure you don't have meetings at the same time?

KentishMama · 27/12/2022 20:13

No way - you're already compressing your full-time hours into four days, so that means that on those four days you need to be super efficient to get everything done. Making up hours in the evening is hard enough when you do 8 hour days, but on 10 hour days, it's kind of impossible.

I think that two hours a day might have been too short for your child to settle into nursery. My son used to need an hour or two to settle in the morning, but he was there for the full day, so then had hours of fun after a slightly tricky morning.

SerenaTee · 27/12/2022 20:13

I think it’s really unfair on your child actually, he’s going to be an inconvenience to you one day a week, never mind the impact on your colleagues. I’m really surprised your work are ok with this.

Todaynotalways · 27/12/2022 20:13

From time to time we have to 'tag team' DD (now 6) eg if she's ill, or school is closed for an unexpected reason (eg weather).

It's doable. But it's hard.

I'd been peeved if a colleague did this as a regular set up. I really need my team to be pulling in the same direction and working equally hard, knowing someone is distracted by childcare is frustrating.

Blughbablugh · 27/12/2022 20:14

Honestly I really don't think it will. I made myself quite ill over lockdown trying to juggle wfh and looking after my then 3 year old. I felt no one was getting the right amount of attention from me and I vowed never to do it again. I wfh still but my dd is now at school and I use after school clubs to ensure she's not around when I'm working.

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:14

It's an admin job so no meetings (or very rare ones) any of which will take place on office days as these will be flexible based on what they need or what I need at the time. Work okay with it as long as the work is completed plus theres a few managers doing the same with young children.

OP posts:
Rose5678 · 27/12/2022 20:14

Can you try a different nursery? Mine cried at the sight of her first one and when I picked her up her face would be tear-stained, but we switched after a couple of months and she absolutely loved the new one. She still talks about it now years later! It might work having him home but may be worth trying a different nursery; if you find one that’s a good fit it’ll be less stressful for you and nice for him to mix with other children

Pinkflipflop85 · 27/12/2022 20:15

It astounds me how many parents on here lately are seriously considering a set up that neglects their child's needs.

FarFlungFlamingo · 27/12/2022 20:15

Does your work know that your husband is meant to be working at home too, he's not just home looking after your toddler whilst you're in the house? It's quite unusual for a workplace to be happy with this sort of setup.

Jules912 · 27/12/2022 20:17

You will be making up a lot of time in the evening. I did this in lockdown and it nearly killed me.
Now things are back to normal my work don't allow it ( they look the other way for emergencies but I'd get fired if it were a regular thing).

FoxtrotSkarloey · 27/12/2022 20:18

I'm shocked you got this agreed with work and as a colleague or manager I'd be sceptical. I also think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

DH and I both had to wfh with DS during the first lockdown when he was 21-24 months old. We couldn't do it. We thought he'd watch tele but soon enough he was pestering us, even if we tried to work in the same room as he watched TV, the quality of work was dire. We both ended up dropping to 50% hours and taking it in turns.

What do you mean by you can't afford 'normal' childcare? Also two hours isn't much time to give a child a chance to get used to nursery.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 20:19

I have done it on the occasional day when nursery is shut and I have no choice tbh I hate it. I feel like I suck at my job on those days and worse I feel like I let my DC down on those days.

Todaynotalways · 27/12/2022 20:19

Jules912 · 27/12/2022 20:17

You will be making up a lot of time in the evening. I did this in lockdown and it nearly killed me.
Now things are back to normal my work don't allow it ( they look the other way for emergencies but I'd get fired if it were a regular thing).

Same! I ended up working Pacfic Time hours (4pm to midnight UK) to compensate for child care during the day. Lockdown was brutal.

RedHelenB · 27/12/2022 20:21

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:11

@starpatch depends on the day really. Some days he wants nothing to do with us except for food/water/nappy changed and plays on the floor by himself for hours or wants Paw Patrol on. Other times it's constant attention.

So if he's wanting constant attention how can you work?

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 20:22

Hang on...

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up 2 hours a day is nowhere near enough time to try settling in.

We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

You can't afford ONE DAY of childcare with both of you working?! Even with the tax free childcare? What was the plan before you had kids? Is your rent really high? Are you both on minimum wage? What is going on that means you can't afford one day?

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:24

Yes work fully aware of the set up as I've worked for the same company for years. Just moving departments.

It's a trial really to see if it works if not I can go part time until he starts preschool in September.

We can't afford to try another nursery. The one we had him in was cheaper than usual ones and everyone I spoke
To about it said it was amazing and the kids loved it. We had planned for him to settled in the one 2 hour session then move him to doing 2 full days or 1 full day whichever worked but even they said he's just not ready yet so to try again in a few months.

OP posts:
Bumblenums · 27/12/2022 20:25

Another lockdown wfh with 2 year old survivor here- it was just awful and if I'm honest I'm still not recovered from how bad it was. 1 day a week with your dh u might be able to if you've been in your job a few years, but if ur new it's going to be difficult.

toffeeapple77 · 27/12/2022 20:26

When you told / asked your work what did they say? Can all employees do this? Seems very unusual

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2022 20:26

Are you planning on ignoring your dc or your work? Because you can't attend to both of them.

This is a terrible idea that is unfair on your dc, who deserves proper care, and your work, who deserves you to work during the hours you are contracted.

Your dc will get used to childcare if you stick with it. The chances are they will end up living going there.