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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

350 replies

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:05

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

OP posts:
astralpiano · 27/12/2022 20:51

You're going to have e to take the hit and pay for two days childcare then. It won't be long until you get some "free hours" entitlement and don't forget tax free childcare.

Bobbybobbins · 27/12/2022 20:51

I think you are very lucky to have such a flexible employer and do much help from grandparents. Most people have a wage swallowed up by childcare initially and don't have the help it flexibility you have.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/12/2022 20:52

Good luck OP. I think its doable. I think you can find the hours on that day, when your child is asleep or with your partner. Just dont try and work while you are actively supervising the child, that's all

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 27/12/2022 20:53

You keep making excuses for why it would work.
It's not tenable.
If I employed you I wouldn't be happy that you took time away from your work to do a nappy change or a feed.
It's not fair on your colleagues.

What will you do when they're older and need more attention? J

It's also why phoning a company with a query is so annoying because the phone queues are so effing long.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 20:55

It's all fine and works until it doesn't work. Toddlers climb, have tantrums, and are generally inquisitive and prone to get themselves in tricky situations.

FabFitFifties · 27/12/2022 20:56

Are you prepared for DH's job to be far too important to be constantly interrupted? This is what happened in most houses in my circle, during lockdown. It will be your job only, that suffers.

BigMama32 · 27/12/2022 21:00

OP, I think whether you’re being unrealistic or not ultimately it doesn’t matter, as your work have agreed to a trial. They are telling you they are happy for you to give this a shot knowing it might be a shit show and your productivity may plummet. You don’t know unless you try. You just have to accept that a potential outcome of the trial is it’s not tenable for them and you’ll have to plan something else

PonkyPonky · 27/12/2022 21:05

My DS was 2 during the first lockdown. I can tell you now it does not work. It’s exhausting. You end up totally rubbish at your job and totally rubbish at parenting. You won’t just lose a couple of hours throughout the day, you will lose most of the day to taking care of your child and there’s no way on this earth you’ll be able to get 9 hours of work done unless you have a Time Machine. You need to find childcare.

LeakyLoftHatch · 27/12/2022 21:08

I would never contemplate this ever again after lockdown. In fact, I wouldn't work for a company that thought it was ok. The mental cost to me and everyone in my family was fucking enormous.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/12/2022 21:10

Can you not get a mother’s help in for a few hours to give you a hand. An older teen girl. Lots finish early here on a weds or a college student with a bit more flexibility. You are in house too so they don’t need qualifications. I know lots of sensible teen girls who would jump at a little job like that.

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 27/12/2022 21:11

Absolutely not fair on the child. Did this during lockdown with an older child and had to stop. Your child needs attention and care, this is neglect. Try another nursery or a childminder.

Angeldelight81 · 27/12/2022 21:11

I think it very much depends on what your job is. I can literally spend seven or eight hours doing nothing. Obviously I paint the walls I clean the kitchen I do some DIY, but then if the shit hits the fan at 10 to 6 I’m expected to leap into action and just work until it’s done, so it swings and roundabouts. I absolutely could raise a couple of toddlers whilst doing my job.

Fleabigg · 27/12/2022 21:11

If you can go to part time “if it doesn’t work” that suggests you can afford to go part time. So why not go part time (or pay for childcare) before you’ve allowed it to get to the point of it going wrong? Like a pp I’m not sure I’d want to work for an employer that would encourage this situation either, it was shit for my child being at home with me working during lockdown, I wouldn’t do it to her again just to save a few quid.

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 27/12/2022 21:12

LeakyLoftHatch · 27/12/2022 21:08

I would never contemplate this ever again after lockdown. In fact, I wouldn't work for a company that thought it was ok. The mental cost to me and everyone in my family was fucking enormous.

Exactly this. I have PTS from this situation during lockdown, it was awful for everyone. And child was older.

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 27/12/2022 21:15

How exactly is your child going to settle at pre-school if he doesn’t even go to
playgroups, toddler classes or nursery? It’s all a fantasy in your head OP.

OCDmama · 27/12/2022 21:16

Would a home from home childminder be a better fit than a nursery? Also cheaper!

MichaelAndEagle · 27/12/2022 21:17

I feel like I suck at my job on those days and worse I feel like I let my DC down on those days.

This is the reality in my experience

AuditAngel · 27/12/2022 21:17

We had someone in my team looking after their 4 year old every afternoon. They were not performing and this was a contributing factor in their performance which lead to them being dismissed,

Louisa259 · 27/12/2022 21:18

If your workplace are fine with it then you have nothing to lose. Some days you'll need to make up more time than others but you may as well give it a go as not that many employers sound as flexible as these ones

Gawdknows · 27/12/2022 21:19

I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. During lockdown we had a 1 YO with both of us trying to WFH & it was hard work. You think they'll settle in front of the TV for a few hours.. this doesn't work now she's 4 let alone 2. My work were accommodating & I worked such random hours to fit it all in. However going down a different route, I would want my 2 YO in some sort of childcare setting for their benefit. It really helps with their learning & socialisation. Would a childminder be an option? Or a different nursery?

MistyIsland · 27/12/2022 21:22

Mine are a lot older

i had them both at home last week while working and it was a nightmare, tv on loudly, coming in asking for things even though id done them a lunch box etc and mine are quite self sufficient can make a meal can get their own drinks have endless toys etc I will admit dc2 was quite poorly which didn’t help

I expect it would be 100x worse with a small child and completely unrealistic as an employer I would be unimpressed

Greybutterfly · 27/12/2022 21:25

Of course it’s a bad idea and you know that which is why you posted but you aren’t going to do anything about it as you are too tight to pay for childcare.
I think it’s so sad the amount of parents who do not put the needs of their child first. What happens when you have a phone call/meeting or god forbids something happens.
It’s just confusing and cruel for a child to know mummy is present but isn’t really able to give their full attention

Sherbetdip123 · 27/12/2022 21:27

I work 2 different jobs and my 16 month old comes with me to both. She’s no bother atall and is actually quite a good help. Make it normal to your little one from the outset and I’m sure you will be absolutely fine xx

NameIsBryceQuinlan · 27/12/2022 21:29

I have worked around my son but I'm a freelancer and DH has some flexibility ie, because he works with lots of US colleagues he often works 7pm - 12 midnight so he could help during the day. I did a job where I might have 3 tasks to complete then I was done for the week. We had no choice because my son has additional needs and no setting could support him.

It does depend on what type of job you do, how flexible timings are, whether your son has a reliable nap pattern etc

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 21:31

We have actually talked about a childminder so will look into that.
Live in NI so we don't have the 30 hours at 3 either.

He was at nursery for about 3 months 2 hours a day as thats what the session is, but he literally just stood at the door and cried the entire 2 hours every day. Then was off sick for a few days here & there so was basically going back starting from scratch.

Not making excuses at all just writing my reasonings behind the decision in the first place but I do understand and am taking onboard what everyone is saying.

If we both have to work at the same time then grandparents can help out.
I haven't signed the contract yet as still contemplating whether to just ask for
Part time first and taking the hit. Husband is happy either way as he has always been the default parent when toddler has been sick or his mum has been sick & unable to take him if I've had no A/L left as my current job is completely inflexible and completely office based.

Just so hard to know what to do really.

OP posts:
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