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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

350 replies

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:05

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 27/12/2022 20:27

How many hours do you work? 9? I'm guessing you have maybe 40 mins for lunch, and another 20 minute break....

How many hours can you work in the evening? I'd guess max 4, 8pm to midnight. How many hours can you work in the morning before your child wakes up? I'd guess 2, 4am-6am, your partner maybe takes a 1 hour lunch and can have the child then, 1 hour, so all adds up to 7 hours

Can your partner do any other hours child care during the day? Does your child still take naps? You've only got another 2 hours to find.

Teacher/ single mum here, I was used to hours and hours of work needing to be done at home around children. Burning the candle at both ends works out, as long as it isn't every single day, and it isn't for year after year unending

Natfrances · 27/12/2022 20:28

Give it a go and see how these work out. My uncle works for a big company where the majority of the women have children at home, its flexible and they can make hours up etc

toffeeapple77 · 27/12/2022 20:29

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:24

Yes work fully aware of the set up as I've worked for the same company for years. Just moving departments.

It's a trial really to see if it works if not I can go part time until he starts preschool in September.

We can't afford to try another nursery. The one we had him in was cheaper than usual ones and everyone I spoke
To about it said it was amazing and the kids loved it. We had planned for him to settled in the one 2 hour session then move him to doing 2 full days or 1 full day whichever worked but even they said he's just not ready yet so to try again in a few months.

What if he doesn't settle at preschool? Will work allow for this arrangement until he starts reception?

ProceedWithOptimism · 27/12/2022 20:29

I think you're setting yourself up to be both a mediocre employee and parent.

If you had to go into the office your two year old would get used to nursery; certainly he'll be more stimulated at nursery than at home with two parents who should really be at their desks.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/12/2022 20:31

Charliehaus · 27/12/2022 20:08

I’d be super annoyed if my colleague was actually looking after their kid rather than working or trying to work whilst I actually do work.
I think you’re taking the piss
it was bad enough in lock down with colleagues and their screaming kids

Why are kids always 'screaming?' Lol.

Pascor · 27/12/2022 20:32

I don't see how you can possibly do that. You're supposed to be working...all day. Not in between nappy changes and playing stickle bricks and dealing with a hundred tantrums a day. It's literally the worst age possible to try and do this.

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:32

There are no nursery's here that will only do 1 day a week and we can't afford 2 days. We own our house thankfully so no rent but local nurseries the price of it is my entire monthly wage so I would be working for nothing and wouldn't have any money for bills or life things.

My thinking (and work has agreed where possible) as it is only 1 day a week I could get anything important done the other 3 days and then can do the easier less crucial stuff on that one day, making up any hours later in the day and with husband here to help balance it out as his job is flexible in that he can make his up on a weekend or evening and some days are super quiet for him anyway.

OP posts:
IneedanewTV · 27/12/2022 20:32

I’m really surprised your work are ok with it. Ours will allow it but only if there is a another adult in the house who is doing the caring of the child. Does your work know that your H is also working?

in a way it’s abusive. You are leaving a 2 year old for 10 hrs a day to play on their own or watch TV? I’ve had two kids and worked. Yes I can pretend I can do both but in reality i ended up not doing either properly. Morally I think it’s wrong. I don’t believe that you and your H can’t afford one day of nursery? You are both working full time. It’s greedy.

sorry I just think it is unfair on your colleagues, work but mainly your child. We would get the sack if we “ pretended” to do this. Poor child.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 20:32

AllOfThemWitches · 27/12/2022 20:31

Why are kids always 'screaming?' Lol.

Show quote history

Coz they are bored and trying to get their parents attention

Muchtoomuchtodo · 27/12/2022 20:33

I feel sorry for your son and your colleagues tbh.

lots of admin needs attending to when the rest of the team are working - not at antisocial hours in the morning and evening.

What takes priority during core office hours? Your son or your work, which you are being paid to do.

some people really want to have their cake and eat it.

Cheerfulpedantry · 27/12/2022 20:35

I could not have done this. Mine needed too much attention which is normal at that age.

Though, in honesty, in my experience lots of work places have terrible management and take on staff in full time roles where there is not a full time job for them. If people are managing to work at home with young kids this is probably the reason why they can do it.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/12/2022 20:37

husband here to help balance it out as his job is flexible in that he can make his up on a weekend

Right, make one of the weekend days a work day for him and he can cover the one day of childcare in the week. Sorted.

BigMama32 · 27/12/2022 20:37

So hard to comment without knowing the intricate details of your role or your child’s temperament. Have your work agreed a trial basis?

have you got a plan b?

Numbat2022 · 27/12/2022 20:38

Another who hasn't really recovered from doing this during lockdown here. Admittedly one day a week is not as bad as every day, but it broke me and every sick day I attempt to work with him at home just feels like I'm back in lockdown hell again.

What's your plan for when he starts nursery when he's 3? Because you don't generally just get those 30 hours free, nurseries charge for food/extras.

girlmom21 · 27/12/2022 20:39

Can't your partner compress his hours and do 4 days too?

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 27/12/2022 20:41

I think the only way it can work is if you and DH both have enough flexibility to tag team.

Two people in my work have had to do this. They have one desk between them and if you have the desk you are working and the other is looking after the child. They switch up the timings according to their diary but do a couple of hours then swap. One starts very early and one finishes very late.

Both very senior lawyers with management responsibilities.

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:41

He still naps 2ish hours an afternoon. Lunch break is 30 minutes and a 15 minute tea break in the morning.

Work okay with it as the manager is doing the same as are a few others in the business. It's an option for anyone not just me. As long as work gets completed they're not overly bothered about when it gets done. So make it up while he is sleeping/husband is free/on a Saturday morning. Grandparents will also be on hand on the wfh day if we need them. My dad is also available to help but is waiting for the nappy free stage. So really it's only a few months to cover and we will try nursery again in March-ish when he'll be 2.5 and hopefully more ready for it. He's only ever been with me, husband or husbands mum so anything else including toddler classes sends him into crazy town and it's awful.

And work are onboard with me trying it and if it doesn't work I can go part time. When we first had him my partners mum was doing full time 5 days a week childcare for us but has said she can only do 3 full days going forward and the new job was an unexpected move but a far better one in terms of flexibility and future career growth.

OP posts:
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 27/12/2022 20:44

Honestly, I feel for you, I really do but this just can’t work. For all the reasons outlined by all the other posters. Pre Covid I was actually in a similar position and freelancing with young children at home, thinking I could do it and because I was freelancing, I had no employer to answer to. The reality was a shit day inside for my children where normally they’d be at playgroups and park, and a shit day for me filled with stress and frustration and working late hours. I ended up employing a part time nanny.

You need to get him back into the nursery. I know it’s hard seeing them finding it hard to settle but he will over time. How long did you try him at nursery for?

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2022 20:44

If you can be flexible, then just work on a Saturday instead of the weekday when your dh can supervise the dc. One parent working at the weekend worked well for us.

Remmy123 · 27/12/2022 20:44

It depends on what work you do and if it requires lots of concentration - my old job I was able too but defo not my new job! He may be happier at a childminder.

Perfect28 · 27/12/2022 20:45

I don't get what the plan is.what happens when you both have to work? Toddlers need constant attention.

toffeeapple77 · 27/12/2022 20:46

2 full time employees (even on minimum wage for arguments sake), could pay for 2 days of nursery so I take it you're just not inclined to spend the money. Many people see most of their wages wiped out by childcare (sadly!)
The risks I see are:
a. You'll start a precedent and lots of other employees will ask for this arrangement
b. Your colleagues will resent you
c. Your employer will get wise to the fact you're not that busy and you'll find you're dispensable
d. Your child will watch telly or be bored all day

Fleabigg · 27/12/2022 20:48

Mine was 2 in lockdown and it was a fucking nightmare. I’d move heaven and earth to avoid having to work and look after her at the same time again.

LimeCheesecake · 27/12/2022 20:49

Have you looked for a childminder ? Might work better for your family and if you find one who does the school run to the school you intend to send dc to, that will make that transition much easier.

do not make any plans that presume a 2 year old will continue to have a 2 hour nap - you are coming to the end of the long nap stage.

toffeeapple77 · 27/12/2022 20:50

Just re-read and you've said 8-6.... that is a LONG day even with a 2 hour nap!
Anyway you asked if you're mad to do it.... most people think you are but it seems like your mind is made so good luck.