Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I'm completely insane in thinking this could work?

350 replies

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 20:05

Hi

Start a new job soon, full time 4 day week 8am-6pm. 2 days at home, 2 days in the office. 1 of the work from home days I'll have my 2 year old with us (partner also works home full time).

We tried nursery recently for a couple of months 2 hours a day but 2y/o never settled and just cried from the second they saw the building until the second we picked him up. We can't afford normal childcare so having him at home that 1 day is our only option. Grandparents will be having him the other 3 days.

I'm having a last minute panic that I'll not be able to pull this off. Work know that he'll be here and my partner will always be here so that we can take turns. Work is flexible in that I can make up a couple of hours once toddler is in bed if needs be.

Please help....am I a nutter for thinking this can work? Any experience of doing similar? Unfortunately we can't really afford for me to drop to part time unless absolutely necessary.

OP posts:
Detectorists · 27/12/2022 21:56

Christ! You MIL was doing five whole days childcare?! That poor woman. And this is a brand new job? And you don't pay mortgage but also can't afford two days a week childcare? Put your kid in childcare and give his grandparent a bloody break!

Do what you want, you aren't going to listen to us - but you will be a sub par parent and employee.

Detectorists · 27/12/2022 21:57

£125 a day for nursery?? !!!

Heatherbell1978 · 27/12/2022 21:57

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 21:54

This is why I posted I was just looking for other people's thoughts, experiences and opinions before I made a decision.

My monthly wage is £1500 odds a month, nursery is over £1000 for 2 days. It's not that we can't afford it, it just means paying it would leave us with very little once the bills get paid, fuel for the car, train ticket for getting to work, food etc. So we'd have little to no money for saving/doing nice things. Which I am aware most people are the same when they have young kids. It's just shit that that's the only option for so many.

Also not that I can't afford to go part time but again having very little disposable income is shit.

£1000 a month for 8 days in the month -£120 ish a day? I paid £1200 for 2 DC in nursery for 3 days a week. Is this the going London rate? (I'm in Scotland). And you'll get the 20% tax free childcare allowance.

Fcuk38 · 27/12/2022 21:59

I have a 11 and 13 year old and can’t work from home when they are at home.

Soakitup37 · 27/12/2022 21:59

I did this with my eldest, it’s doable and im
glad I did - as keeping my ft hours meant I ended up being able to Ltb.

ms is such a crappy place. Everyone saying you can’t do it it’s not ethical for work / your poor child… etc …. But then if you said you needed to ltb and you cited money as a reason you couldn’t leave everyone would say leave at any means necessarily etc, it’s complete crap.

op only you know if this’ll work for you. It’s such a personal decision- if it were me - and it will be again after mat leave - trial and error will be the best way to truly know.

Side note- I need to get off musnet this place is so toxic.

EasterIssland · 27/12/2022 21:59

125£ in Northern Ireland ? Not even in London you pay that much!!

Xmasbaby11 · 27/12/2022 22:01

2 hours a day is a short session, I've never come across that before. It's perhaps not enough to get into a routine. I think other settings may be better or just longer sessions.

I think expecting to wfh around a toddler is unfair on both you and your dc as human interaction and attention is vital for his development. It's basic parenting to respond to a young child and pay close enough attention to keep them safe. with so much family childcare provided for free, you should be able to afford the rest of it. Childcare is an ongoing expense for a few years - the biggest for a few years - but then other expenses ramp up!

Have you looked at childminders? Sorry if I have missed this. They are more flexible at doing less hours.

unfortunateevents · 27/12/2022 22:03

What on earth kind of nursery are you looking at for £125 per day? I have just googled and found a bunch of nurseries in NI which seem to be around £50-60 per day. That cost is insane!

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 27/12/2022 22:03

It’s neglectful op. Don’t put this situation on yourself when your partner could move his hours around.

A toddler died in a hot tub during lockdown when his parent was distracted WFH

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 22:03

His grandmother was the one that said from the second I announced I was pregnant that she wanted to do 5 days childcare for him. We had fully planned then for nursery or a childminder but she didn't want that.

We have a mortgage that husband pays.

Like I said I've not signed the contract yet as I've only just gotten it through and I was having second thoughts on the whole working pattern. The team have been down to 1 team member lately instead of 4 so think they're just happy to have a full team again even if one day a week of that has to be flexible.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 27/12/2022 22:04

Pinkflipflop85 · 27/12/2022 20:15

It astounds me how many parents on here lately are seriously considering a set up that neglects their child's needs.

I agree. Poor kid.

Detectorists · 27/12/2022 22:05

So how on earth were you planning on paying for childcare before your MIL offered to do it for free???

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 22:06

Sorry that price is for 2 kids for nursery. I also have an 8 month old but they'd be going to partners mum the whole 4 days. She can only do 3 with both kids so I didn't factor that into the OG post as wouldn't have them here.

OP posts:
Detectorists · 27/12/2022 22:06

And I don't care how much they insist, how much they love their grandchildren - allowing grandparents to look after your child full time is shitty and exploitative.

SouthwarkSwish · 27/12/2022 22:07

Also, what happens if GP are sick/on holiday/otherwise engaged with doctors appointments etc? I doubt in reality it really would be 'just' the one day with you having to provide childcare.

It literally won't work from a practical, safety, child welfare/happiness or sanity point of view.

unfortunateevents · 27/12/2022 22:08

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 22:06

Sorry that price is for 2 kids for nursery. I also have an 8 month old but they'd be going to partners mum the whole 4 days. She can only do 3 with both kids so I didn't factor that into the OG post as wouldn't have them here.

Well that was quite the omission.

Detectorists · 27/12/2022 22:08

I despair. You want your MIL to look after your eight month old AND your two year old three days a week?!

Original poster
windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 22:10

@Detectorists that makes no sense. If they want to do it why not? She came out of work specifically because she wouldn't hear of him going to nursery and they've both benefitted from it.

OP posts:
IneedanewTV · 27/12/2022 22:11

15 years ago I was paying £1500 a month for childcare. Actually not I but my ExH and I were. As a manager now I would be very pissed off if my staff, except under the normal child is ill scenarios, would be picking this up in every appraisal. I cannot see how you can put in 100% with a 2 year old at home. Just be careful your work are not setting you up to fail.

Confusion101 · 27/12/2022 22:11

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 22:06

Sorry that price is for 2 kids for nursery. I also have an 8 month old but they'd be going to partners mum the whole 4 days. She can only do 3 with both kids so I didn't factor that into the OG post as wouldn't have them here.

You don't need to send both as one child is being minded so why are you factoring that into the price?

Doris86 · 27/12/2022 22:12

Yes you are completely insane. I did this with a 2 year old during lock down, and it was hell on earth. It just doesn’t work. My sanity was only restored once the nursery reopened. I still have nightmares about it.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 22:12

His grandmother was the one that said from the second I announced I was pregnant that she wanted to do 5 days childcare for him. We had fully planned then for nursery or a childminder but she didn't want that. ah right OK so you'd budgeted fully for nursery back then? So it's no problem affording 1 day of it now? I don't get how a session can only be 2 hours.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 22:13

windyerneckin13 · 27/12/2022 22:10

@Detectorists that makes no sense. If they want to do it why not? She came out of work specifically because she wouldn't hear of him going to nursery and they've both benefitted from it.

Are you paying her?

Lcb123 · 27/12/2022 22:14

It’s not fair to your child. Even if your work are ok with it. I think you need to persevere with the nursery

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 22:14

Detectorists · 27/12/2022 22:08

I despair. You want your MIL to look after your eight month old AND your two year old three days a week?!

And she gave up her own job to do this!

Swipe left for the next trending thread