Gift too small and no alternative offered

[Remaker]

DS was given a Christmas gift by my brother’s family that is too small for him. I messaged SIL asking if she had a receipt. She responded no receipt and was bought in cash so no cc statement either. End of message.

They have a younger DS who the gift is the correct size for. In their shoes I would just take the gift back and give DS money/voucher/correct size gift. But they’ve not offered any solution- just said sorry no receipt.

AIBU for thinking this is their mistake and they should sort it, not just dump DS with a gift he can’t use

As others have said, take it to a charity shop with the knowledge that someone else will really want it and then forget about it.

Buy your son a little something clothes wise in the sales just so he feels as though he has something. Make sure he's aware the gift is from you.

Put the whole sorry experience behind you.

YABU for making a big deal about this. It's pretty commonplace and I think it's fairly rude to even mention it doesn't fit. It's similar to being bought a gift you already have - you smile, say thank you, and then pass it on to someone else.

What nasty responses you've had Op.

Of course it's upsetting when your kids get treated differently.

A lot of people would offer to buy something else for their nephew having discovered that the present was of no use.

Then she should take that up with her husband.

She could also ask Op what her son would like, ask Op to get something to a certain value or suggest that they stop with presents.

Gosh, I think it's rude to even ask for a receipt. The only thing you say after receiving a gift is thank you.

Next year I would engineer a conversation about sizes before December.

Gosh, I think it's rude to even ask for a receipt.

I disagree. SIL would have hated to think that everything she bought for DD was a waste of money and just given to a charity shop. In her case I knew that everything was brand new. In any case MIL would have told her as she always used to come and stay for Christmas and DD's birthday.

I think it's rude to buy people clothes as presents and not give them a receipt or at least check with the shop that they can exchange without (but it's becoming more unusual) In my experience people have many dilemmas when it comes to sizing even when buying for themselves. I've had customers buying smaller sizes for larger friends or relatives because they didn't want to give them the idea they thought they were big! As someone suggested probably better for the parents to buy for own kids and put on the label from 'X'
So many different ideas about the politics of present buying and all the stress that comes with it, before and after!!

I think it's rude to buy people clothes as presents and not give them a receipt or at least check with the shop that they can exchange without

Or check what size is required. It's just a complete waste of money otherwise.

That should have said or not to check the size.

does it matter if she gave second hand goods?

if there is a label from a shop, try and exchange it at the shop
otherwise just buy him a present yourself.
no need fto further inovlve them

How did you ask for the receipt? Did you say something along the lines of "Thanks for the lovely present, we love it. Sadly it doesn't fit though so do you have the receipt so I can buy him.one in the correct size?"

Or did you just say "Do you have the receipt?"

The first one is fine, the latter comes across as rude.

Maybe she paid a dollar in a thrift shop thinking it was perfect and it isn’t. Just give it to someone else.

It’s so aggravating when this happens. We spent a lot of time on our DNs’ gifts and rarely get anything of equal value or thought back in return. It’s annoying but it’s not really in the spirit of Christmas to get so wound up about one gift.

Bit shit of them but maybe they bought it off ebay or something or cheap off Facebook. No worries just do the same to them next year.

I think it’s odd to give clothes as a gift without checking the size or keeping the receipt. I think you were right to mention it, but doesn’t sound as if there’s much you can do except give it away and maybe next year do a bit of a check on what they’re planning to get, if you’re still doing presents then.

My husband got the same book from two different people. It’s well known that my DH is a fan and the author has just released a new book in time for Christmas. We didn’t embarrass anyone by asking if they’d exchange it, instead we plan to regift it to someone that we know is also a fan.
I agree with @Blinki , huge non issue. Yabvu.

But your son replacement pyjamas or sweatshirt and regift the one you’re so ungrateful for.

YANBU, your DS has been getting useless gifts from them while DD gets the good gifts. DS is getting their son's unwanted gifts obviously. I get completely wrong sized clothing from a sister every year. I give her them back. Never a receipt included. Its an insult. She doesn't replace it, So basically each year she gives me her unwanted gifts from her daughter.

SIL is clearly regifting things her own DS doesn’t want - she isn’t spending a penny, or putting in any thought whatsoever.

Her DS is one she (let’s say 7).
OP’s DS is four years older.
OP’s DS is receiving age 7 clothes for Christmas when he is 11.

That is not SIL mistakenly thinking an 11 year old might wear age 7 clothing, and buying the wrong size. That is SIL passing on her DS’s cast-off clothes as Christmas presents knowing they can’t possibly fit. She might as well have sent him a babygrow, or a tin of peas.

OP of course you are upset, it is an incredibly hurtful thing to do when your DD is getting lovely thoughtful presents from them. I’d stop the gifts from next year, and I’d be quite clear why.

Next year stop gifts. Don't buy each others families. If they ask why just say it's a waste as ds gets something that's no use and unfair his sister gets something lovely. It will save us all the extra hassle too, there's enough to do this time of year.

Yes I agree it's a distinct possibility If it was something she has form for I would be suggesting that we bought for our own in the future, that way no child or parent will need to be upset. Some people are better at choosing gifts than others though and what someone thinks is a thoughtful gift may be construed as inappropriate by another. People are strange

This ^^

As you can't do anything with the gift, give your DS money in exchange that you would have spent on their son for his birthday and regift it to their son who it does fit for his birthday . (Meh if it's a bit small by time his birthday comes round, that's a they / SIL problem)

@Remaker a gift is a gift. Clothes are often too small. Just kindly give it back to them in next time you see them for their DS. No point making a fuss

It’s a sign of the times - people aren’t just pleased to get a gift, but feel entitled to have an item they love and to have anything they don’t swapped until they get something they do.

No right approach, but we tend to offer a receipt for a large item bought for close family - only clothes. Otherwise, no receipt and we hope people like their gift, but aren’t really interested in arranging exchanges etc.

It’s fairly frequent to get something you don’t like/doesn’t fit etc, especially for children. We just smile and say thank you and either re-gift or give to charity shop or a food bank type clothing service.

The issue is when parents are overly invested in how many presents their child gets and feel a deep sense that their child has been short-changed in terms of quantity of presents. Some parents seem to keep a close tally and decide their child will be deeply disappointed not to have had something from Cousin X, when in fact child will not even notice unless it’s pointed out to them. Sadly some parents do make a big thing if it, and then this can fuel a genuine or manufactured disappointment in child. It can also make them more grabby later in life. Totally unnecessary.

The other thing is people calculating the price of gifts and feeling disgruntled about the amount spent by other person in relation to what they spent. If it bothers you, spend less on them next time. If it feels like a big deal, you’re probably over-spending yourself on either that present or presents generally.

I know it’s easy to say if you’ve got plenty, but people really do get obsessed with stuff. Is it a sign of people who are struggling and therefore having a big pile of presents helps them feel better? I assume this is what’s going on when people feel excessively upset about one present given by a friend not being suitable??

I don’t disagree that buying a woefully inadequate present is thoughtless. I used to get masses of shit like this as a child from relatives who just couldn’t be arsed and it pissed me off.

But the problem is the idea that this child has some entitlement to the gift. The entire point about a gift is that it’s given on the terms of the giver.

The recipient doesn’t have to like it but there is no obligation on the part of the giver to buy a gift which the recipient likes.

It’s an important life lesson for children that they don’t always get the gifts they want and they don’t get to stamp their feet and cry and demand it get sorted.

The OP would be far better making peace with the fact that these relatives are for whatever reason a bit shit at gift giving rather than winding herself up worrying about whose “job” it is to “fix” this.

It isn’t a job and there isn’t a fix and fixating on “solutions” is just going to make her look grabby, teach her kids a bad lesson about gifts and generally create a lot of inter-family resentment.

Oh a few more pages have downloaded and I can see you've decided what to do

That it's a pretty deliberate to regift from their far younger son to yours & that you'll donate it to younger brother of one of DS's friends.

I think in your case you should say we're no longer buying for each other's DCs - so no more birthday or Xmas presents.