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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift too small and no alternative offered

207 replies

Remaker · 26/12/2022 23:12

DS was given a Christmas gift by my brother’s family that is too small for him. I messaged SIL asking if she had a receipt. She responded no receipt and was bought in cash so no cc statement either. End of message.

They have a younger DS who the gift is the correct size for. In their shoes I would just take the gift back and give DS money/voucher/correct size gift. But they’ve not offered any solution- just said sorry no receipt.

AIBU for thinking this is their mistake and they should sort it, not just dump DS with a gift he can’t use

OP posts:
Weath · 27/12/2022 00:06

@nancydroo I agree. Sorry about your DF (and sorry OP about your Mum)

Fraaahnces · 27/12/2022 00:07

Just send them both a message saying something like “Present is your DS’s size. Our kid is size X. Will give to back you so it doesn’t go to waste, and maybe you could consider a voucher or asking what size he is next year so this doesn’t keep happening.”

strawberriesplease · 27/12/2022 00:08

Op. You're stressed. It's not about the gift, it's about you being stressed.

evemillbank · 27/12/2022 00:09

Well it doesn't fit. But why does there need to be a big solution? It's just a gift and it doesn't fit. It's no big deal surely.

SalmonEile · 27/12/2022 00:12

@evemillbank i suppose the question here is if you gave a nephew a gift and then found out it was useless to them would you care about giving them something they could use or not ?

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:15

Not sure why people are being its a gift , give it to charity etc , when they have knowingly bought the wrong size and too small , too big you can put it up
Whats the point of gifting someone something they can't use , its an arsehole thing to do
You may gift someone something they don't like unintentionally etc but buying a wrong size is just a waste

HeckyPeck · 27/12/2022 00:19

montysma1 · 26/12/2022 23:41

You dont have a right to gifts. If you moaned to me about the gift it would be the last one you or your child ever got from me.
Its not the end of the world. It doesnt fit. Boo bloody hoo.

I find this such a bizarre and rude attitude to have.

I've bought clothes for nieces and nephews before and always gave the gift receipt to their parents in case the size was wrong. Because I actually want them to be able to wear the gift I bought them.

It's obviously not the end of the world and OP hasn't said it is. What's the point of giving someone a gift they can't use though?

I'd rather someone told me there was an issue so I could sort and get them something they can use.

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:20

@fairywhale its rude to give a gift that you know won't fit whats the point and disappointing to the child
Why bother to but a present of its going to be no use
If a child is 8 and you buy them age 6 for example, unless you know they are in a smaller size then you just waste your money and let the kid down

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:21

@been and done it. I think in the real world people do or they buy the correct size
When i buy clothes for neices and nephews i always check sizes they are in , its not hard
But on mumsnet especially after a certain time you will get lots of shitty answers

evemillbank · 27/12/2022 00:21

@SalmonEile I disagree. This is all about how the recipient is reacting to it.

SalmonEile · 27/12/2022 00:23

Exactly, people always say “it’s the thought that counts”
but if there’s no thought and just passing on random stuff that didn’t suit their own kid then what’s the point?

”oh just put it on eBay!”
yeah that’s fine but OP still has to photograph it, list it, deal with shitty buyers , pack it up, post it, deal with any disputes - that’s not a gift that’s a whole experience
hey OP this year I’m gifting you a “selling on eBay experience! Enjoy!”

RememberNancyDrew · 27/12/2022 00:23

Probably a re-gift from their child's birthday party.

I have never returned a bad gift or asked for a receipt from the giver. I just pass it along to someone else or give it to charity. It's a non-issue.

MintJulia · 27/12/2022 00:24

Because dcs grow so fast, and especially if relatives haven't seen them for a while, I always message my family in October saying DS is now x cm tall, with size 6 hands and size 7 feet.

It might help avoid these issues in future.

Oher · 27/12/2022 00:25

DampSquids · 26/12/2022 23:17

Why are you bringing this to your SIL, and not your brother?

This.

I’d give the gift back but I wouldn’t bother SIL about it, this is between you and your brother. It was his job to check size with you and invite he didn’t bother.

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:25

@evemillbank she simply asked do they have a receipt so could change it , normal thing people in the real world would do
Also why gift someone something if you don't actually give a shit if they will be able to use it or not

UsingChangeofName · 27/12/2022 00:26

newnamequickly · 26/12/2022 23:55

If these odd gifts are a recurring theme, possibly regifts from her son, I'd say to her 'why don't we set an amount we'd like to spend on the nephews and buy for our own boys as we know what they like/ what will fit?' Then ask her to continue to buy for your daughter. You can wrap it up from SIL to your son and she can do the same for her son. She just needs to let you know what your gift to her son was and vice versa.

I did this for years when my nephews were hundreds of miles away. It makes gifts easier & no postage. Plus my sons got what they wanted.

This.

Now you have added the information about it being a pattern, either suggest this excellent idea, or swapping wish-lists with enough detail that it will come in the right size (include a link if possible).

Bunnyfuller · 27/12/2022 00:28

Oh Lord, just regift or pass it on. Very mercenary gift vibe here.

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:28

@Oher OP has already said sil buys the gifts thats how they must split it
Mostly same with me and DH , i do most of the gift buying for both sides, not because I am a downtrodden wife , but I like shopping , he doesn't
I don't like ironing , dh doesn't mind so that falls on him.
So if his sister said clothes i bought for her kids didn't fit or a toy was say broken she would contact me as aware it's me who does the buying

SalmonEile · 27/12/2022 00:28

evemillbank · 27/12/2022 00:21

@SalmonEile I disagree. This is all about how the recipient is reacting to it.

@evemillbank well the recipient is the OPs son and we don’t actually know how he feels about it
the OP is upset that the giver doesn’t care that the gift is unusable that’s the crux of the matter imo why give a gift at all if you don’t actually care about the recipient’s enjoyment of it?

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:30

And if DH sil asked me if O had receipt and I didn't and the item was too small I would take it back and get something else and sell on original gift , as I buy a gift for nieces and nephews because I want them to have something from us ,

montysma1 · 27/12/2022 00:31

I find it bizarre and rude to be that arsey and demanding and entitled about a present.

My kids have had things that dont fit, things that are hideous, things they would never use.
What you do is say thank you. And move on.
What you dont do is create a fuss and whinge and fume.

Shallana · 27/12/2022 00:32

Most shops will offer to exchange if you can’t provide a receipt - could this be an option?

Canthave2manycats · 27/12/2022 00:33

FFS, why do so many assholes on here totally miss the point??? This is a present for a CHILD and some of his closest family members can't be fucking arsed to make sure it's the right size, or give them the option of exchanging it if they weren't sure??

Regift it to nephew next birthday or Christmas. Or just put an end to the whole present exchange shit. I've done that and it's made life a lot easier!

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 00:33

@montysma1 not liking is different , not fitting is just lazy on behalf of who bought it as you ask a size
Why buy gifts that can't be used by the child whats the point ? By knowingly buying a size that is too small

quietnightmare · 27/12/2022 00:34

Oh well. Gifting is about the thought