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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift too small and no alternative offered

207 replies

Remaker · 26/12/2022 23:12

DS was given a Christmas gift by my brother’s family that is too small for him. I messaged SIL asking if she had a receipt. She responded no receipt and was bought in cash so no cc statement either. End of message.

They have a younger DS who the gift is the correct size for. In their shoes I would just take the gift back and give DS money/voucher/correct size gift. But they’ve not offered any solution- just said sorry no receipt.

AIBU for thinking this is their mistake and they should sort it, not just dump DS with a gift he can’t use

OP posts:
JoanOfAllTrades · 27/12/2022 02:51

healthadvice123 · 27/12/2022 01:00

@JoanOfAllTrades how do you know it was given with love ? When they actually bought the wrong age? Your gifts are from kids and they did buy something with thought you just happened to get two of them , that is not the same thing
If your a size 16 and someone buys you an 8 when they can clearly see and know your not an 8 , then there is not thought or gifted with love there

I suppose I’m one of those people who just always thinks the best of others unless expressly told/have witnessed something, to make me think differently. So if I was giving a gift, it would be one that was given with love.

I did think that perhaps the SIL was giving the gift in the hope that it would be given back, but then thought that perhaps it was mean of me to be thinking something so nasty about someone’s aunt (since the SIL is the DS aunt).

Perhaps I should start thinking from the start that people are mean-minded and just comment accordingly!

Grassisbluer · 27/12/2022 03:30

It's ungracious and not very polite to make a fuss about a gift being not quite right.
Just re-gift it or something.
If you can afford it, I'd get your DS something to make it up to him.
It's a pity, but there you are.

Original poster
Remaker · 27/12/2022 03:48

Thanks for all the responses, apologies I dropped out for a while. Mum has just tested positive to covid! Never rains but it bloody pours..

Im on other side of the world btw, not on MN in middle of the night.

Thanks to those that understood I’m just hurt on my DS’s behalf that there seems to be very little thought or care behind the gifts that he receives while his sister receives lovely and thoughtful gifts. This is not far away family that he never sees, they live 5 mins away.

My extended family has a wish list for all the kids and the gift he received was not on his list, which he’s cool with but it’s for a child 4 years younger than him. He is tall however they see him every week so that’s not unknown info.

I don’t accept that I’m ‘being arsey’ by sending one text enquiring if they’d kept the receipt. I’m not going on about it, as far as I’m concerned that’s the end of it. Just thought it was the kind of etiquette question that MN might enjoy. But sorry I didn’t realise MN was to be kept for only the most weighty of questions.

DH has gone around to several branches of the store it was bought from and they either won’t exchange without receipt or they don’t have the right size in stock. DS is fine with it and we will donate to a younger brother of one of his friends. It feels too pointed to give it back to my nephew and I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to start a family argument.

OP posts:
Confusion101 · 27/12/2022 04:53

Grassisbluer · 27/12/2022 03:30

It's ungracious and not very polite to make a fuss about a gift being not quite right.
Just re-gift it or something.
If you can afford it, I'd get your DS something to make it up to him.
It's a pity, but there you are.

Agreed. I have never told a gift giver something was too small! Sorry OP YABU imo... Your DH did well to get to several stores that stock the brand over Christmas..... Donate it and move on!

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2022 04:56

I’d be hurt too. It is obviously a regift. It sounds as if you have 2 children and they have one. It makes me wonder if this is a PA comment that they shouldn’t have to spend double the amount? Difficult to just get your dn a gift in a similar vein as the gifts to your dd are thoughtful so I’d jut try to file it in the ‘crap’ pile and have a chat with your ds about getting something else for him in the new year.

AnyMucca · 27/12/2022 05:01

She probably nicked it or it was a gift she passed on. Charity shop it and say no presents next year.

Ivyonafence · 27/12/2022 05:24

It sounds like they've regifted something of their son's.

Just donate it somewhere.

One less gift won't kill anyone.

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/12/2022 06:10

quietnightmare · 27/12/2022 00:34

Oh well. Gifting is about the thought

Yes, but unfortunately the thought too often says loud and clear, "I just couldn't be bothered with you."

I understand OP's upset, given that her daughter receives lovely well thought out gifts but her son receives things that are the complete opposite. This isn't a one off. I think there's more going on behind the scenes and the stress of coping with their mother's illness. Maybe SIL feels put upon by her self important busy husband and is developing feelings of antipathy towards all males.

WineDarkNo308 · 27/12/2022 06:28

pinkpotatoez · 26/12/2022 23:18

Why not ask your brother? Why must responsibilities always land on women?

👏👏👏exactly this. Both my brothers and DH’s brother sort out their gifts for my DC.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/12/2022 06:38

It's crap but I would just give the top away and forget about it. I agree it's probably an item they owned already so it's not a thoughtful gift.

I think kids are used to getting presents they don't like and it's not really a big deal. Let's face it, adults have the same problem with unwanted gifts, as we see from all the mn threads!

Since this keeps happening, you could just stop doing presents, if you or your son finds it upsetting.

WineDarkNo308 · 27/12/2022 06:39

I do feel for your DS as when I was about 8/9 (late 1970s) I received a Charlie’s Angels jumpsuit from my aunt, I was so excited receive it but it was the wrong size. It went to the charity shop. I was so upset. If you can, get your DS a little something to make up for it, I got nothing.

Ivyonafence · 27/12/2022 06:40

If I was SIL, the expectation that I purchase thoughtful individual gifts for every in law while my important husband does nothing but usher people towards me when they have an issue would piss me right off.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 27/12/2022 06:41

I would also be pissed off that DS got a thoughtless gift while his sister got something appropriate. I don't think returning the item and getting a different size will fix that though. In future I'd probably just stop gifts if they were going to be unequal.

hattie43 · 27/12/2022 06:55

Yet again some of these responses on here defy belief . OP's son is regularly getting presents that aren't suitable and she is in the wrong for being upset on his behalf . Really ! All she is trying to do is resolve it so he has something he can make use of .
FWIW I don't think SIl has a receipt because it wasn't bought specifically for Op son , it was regifted in the hope it would fit . It doesn't and now you have a child who yet again gets essentially nothing whilst his sister gets good presents . This is wrong and unfair .
Personally I'd be saying no to gifts full stop as SIL doesn't care about getting it right . Not one of my family / friends who buy for children don't keep receipts because sizing is a risk . But then we buy from shops where things can be replaced with ease .
Chalk this down to experience. Next year , no clothes , choose from a given list or no to gifts at all .
Buy child something to make up for it .

RampantIvy · 27/12/2022 07:13

been and done it. · 26/12/2022 23:53

When you give clothes as a present surely you also give them the receipt in case they want to change the item. I thought most people did this.

SIL always used to buy clothes for DD for Christmas and birthday. I had to ask her to start putting gift receipts in with the present as trousers she bought were always too short. Exchanging without a receipt was out of the question because the sales would have started (DD has a summer birthday).

SIL would have been really disappointed to think that clothes she had bought weren't suitable, and was happy to oblige.

Schnooze · 27/12/2022 07:15

If no receipt, then they could swap it but it’s probably been bought a while ago and is an unwanted birthday present or something, so I bet it’s been reduced and they’ll only get that value. Probably peanuts now.

Id be annoyed too op. As a one off it’s fine, but as a recurring theme, it’s rude and thoughtless. A gift that is like this consistently, is no gift.

birder · 27/12/2022 07:23

I had a Christmas job in M&S many years ago, it was a real eye opener. So many people who wanted to exchange gifts, with no receipt, that hadn't been on sale for several years. 8 years in one case.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2022 07:32

My husband's brother does this with my son but with clothes miles too big.

I know he could grow into them but we are talking years (an age 8 hoodie when he was wearing 3-4, for example).

I just ignore it. I doubt items would get replaced. I do understand why it's frustrating, though. It's not hard to ask the correct size/game/console.

Athenen0ctua · 27/12/2022 07:36

I was expecting it to be the size for his age when he was in a bigger size, but four years too small? Like 7-8 when he is 11 or similar? Did she give you an explanation? Can you swap if it has tags?

My DSis was regularly bought clothing too big, such as 11-12 when she was 10 and wearing 9-10 at the most as she was petite. Clothing was slightly too 'young' for her tastes when received so not worth keeping to grow into. It was just donated instead.

BootifulLoser · 27/12/2022 07:41

If it is from a large shop (e.g. M&S) they might let you exchange (not return it) without a receipt although they will only give you the value of the last advertised price. So if was in a clearance sale (even if your SIL paid full price for it) you will only get the sale price value.

Or, gift it back to her next year! (To her, not to her son!) 😆

I wouldn't be surprised if she got it from FB marketplace or ebay which could explain the lack of shop receipt and incorrrect size. Or someone gifted it to her son and she doesn't like it.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/12/2022 07:44

Im not sure why op got a hard time either....id be pissed off and hurt if it was happening to one of my kids...when i buy gifts i ask what size should i get? And i keep all the receipts....why wouldn't you?

BootifulLoser · 27/12/2022 07:45

Whoops, just read OP's update. Ignore my post above!

ThatPirateLady · 27/12/2022 07:47

See I would text your busy and important brother and explain that given the last few gifts for your son have been obvious regifts of things nephew had received and rejected, and completely age inappropriate for your child you’ll be knocking gift exchanges on the head.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2022 07:49

I just read your update OP. I think the sizes and ages would have helped in your first post because it's clear they're passing stuff on that they've been given for their own son, and they're not being particularly sly about it.

That's bullshit.

RealBecca · 27/12/2022 07:52

I voted yabu because there isnt an option for You Are Being Ridiculous.

It sucks for your son. Its life. Flog it as new on marketplace and spend the money on something special or regift it to their son for his birthday and use the money you have saved to buy something for your son of equivalent value.