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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift too small and no alternative offered

207 replies

Remaker · 26/12/2022 23:12

DS was given a Christmas gift by my brother’s family that is too small for him. I messaged SIL asking if she had a receipt. She responded no receipt and was bought in cash so no cc statement either. End of message.

They have a younger DS who the gift is the correct size for. In their shoes I would just take the gift back and give DS money/voucher/correct size gift. But they’ve not offered any solution- just said sorry no receipt.

AIBU for thinking this is their mistake and they should sort it, not just dump DS with a gift he can’t use

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 23:47

Remaker · 26/12/2022 23:42

@Blinki you clearly said I message my brother about non-issues and he’s sick of it. I do not do this at all. Our mother is going through the most dreadful time and he is too busy to assist. So no he’s not sick of my little problems he’s selfish. Maybe you could just apologise for making completely untrue assumptions instead of doubling down with laughing emojis.

To be fair to Blinki, at the point she made the post, all anyone knew was that you were overly irate about a present that doesn't fit.
I'm sure it is very difficult if your brother doesn't reply to messages about your Mum having cancer, but she could hardly have known that at the time.

Awrite · 26/12/2022 23:49

My ds got a duplicate present from my sister. I wouldn't dream of asking her to sort it.

Yes, you are the unreasonable one here. You asked for opinions. Your brother being dismissive is not sil's fault.

poefaced · 26/12/2022 23:49

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 23:47

To be fair to Blinki, at the point she made the post, all anyone knew was that you were overly irate about a present that doesn't fit.
I'm sure it is very difficult if your brother doesn't reply to messages about your Mum having cancer, but she could hardly have known that at the time.

Show quote history

That’s bullshit. She used the laughing emoji when replying to Op’s post saying her mum has cancer.

Schnooze · 26/12/2022 23:49

Just leave it but don’t give it back to her ds. Give it to someone else or charity. I’d be a bit petty like that.

allboysherebutme · 26/12/2022 23:49

Just take it back if it has a brand on it and explain it was a present no receipt. X

Blinki · 26/12/2022 23:50

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Changechangychange · 26/12/2022 23:51

Bestcatmum · 26/12/2022 23:26

Well obviousl;y they don't have a receipt because it's probably an unwanted gift they are passing on.

This. Clearly bought for their DS and he didn’t like it, so they have passed it on to you.

Margo34 · 26/12/2022 23:51

Just go to the shop and exchange it for a size that fits. Like most other people that may receive wrong sized gifts would do.

And if that fails, ask your DS what he'd like to do? E.g. Charity shop it, sell it on eBay and buy something himself with the proceeds, or regift it to someone else.

fairywhale · 26/12/2022 23:52

It's rude to be pointing out their error or be asking them to sort it out. Even more so to be expecting a gift at all. Don't be greedy.

allboysherebutme · 26/12/2022 23:52

Do you think they're regifting things they don't want? X

been and done it. · 26/12/2022 23:53

When you give clothes as a present surely you also give them the receipt in case they want to change the item. I thought most people did this.

Blinki · 26/12/2022 23:53

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HangingOver · 26/12/2022 23:53

Just put it on Facebook marketplace

nameisnotimportant · 26/12/2022 23:54

Clearly a regift. Use it as a lesson for your son that sometimes you don't get exactly what you want. Then get over it yourself and move on.

SalmonEile · 26/12/2022 23:55

As it’s a pattern of shitty gifts I’d probably approach SIL sometime before next Christmas and say you’re not doing gifts this year
they’re either regifting stuff that’s not useful to their own son or your SIL is overwhelmed trying to buy for everyone because your brother can’t be arsed

it’s all fine saying “oh just pass it on , no one should expect a gift ever!” but by giving you something useless they’ve actually made work for you mental load wise and presumably your DD still got a gift and your DS now didn’t

newnamequickly · 26/12/2022 23:55

If these odd gifts are a recurring theme, possibly regifts from her son, I'd say to her 'why don't we set an amount we'd like to spend on the nephews and buy for our own boys as we know what they like/ what will fit?' Then ask her to continue to buy for your daughter. You can wrap it up from SIL to your son and she can do the same for her son. She just needs to let you know what your gift to her son was and vice versa.

I did this for years when my nephews were hundreds of miles away. It makes gifts easier & no postage. Plus my sons got what they wanted.

Changechangychange · 26/12/2022 23:55

I have lost count of the number of times DS has received a completely useless gift. Like an extension pack for a game he doesn’t own, a game that’s not compatible with his console, or something way too young for him.

These all sound like presents given to their DS originally and then re-gifted to yours… what console does your nephew have?

Changechangychange · 26/12/2022 23:57

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Should have used the laughing/crying emoji, that would have covered both bases.

MagnificentDelurker · 26/12/2022 23:58

TakingControl2023 · 26/12/2022 23:30

I don't get why some posters are giving you arsey comments 🤷🏼‍♀️

I buy gifts for the children in our families that are the right size/something that they would use. I expect other family members to do the same for my own DC - if they don't want to then they should let me know and we'll both stop buying and save some money, instead of some children ending up with useable gifts and some not.

In your position I'd pass it on to your nephew to use on this occasion. If it happens again, I'd broach the subject of stopping exchanging gifts.

I try to buy the best gifts possible in our price range for our niece and nephew. What my children get from their older family is non of my business (as long as they are not being offensive which they never are). I don’t view this as an equal exchange because the gifts are for children who cannot reciprocate.

Soakitup37 · 26/12/2022 23:59

Keep it regift it to their child next year if it’s a backstory issue…. Save the money you have and gift your child another gift.

you could also exchange for their size if it’s possible, sell and use the money to regift or regift again.

depends entirely on the status quo for your situation, I would call it a “problem” that needed solving imo but that suggests a backstory, so it’s not about the gift at all, but since that’s what you specially asked, above is my suggestion.

Weath · 27/12/2022 00:00

They sound like regifts from her DS. But I'd view it as a gift is just that, and unfortunately not much I can do. Either stop the whole gift thing between both families and explain why, or sell it/gift it and move on

BungleandGeorge · 27/12/2022 00:01

Why was it too small? Was it the correct age band but the item was small or he is large for age? Or was it actually for a considerably younger child?

caringcarer · 27/12/2022 00:02

You should not be gifting your nieces/nephew in expectation they gift your children back. The two are not related. If you don't want to gift nephew then don't anymore. Spend the money on your own son.

Babyroobs · 27/12/2022 00:02

Just give it back to them or to a charity shop so someone else can use or sell on Ebay depending whether the value of it is worth selling.

nancydroo · 27/12/2022 00:02

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Blinki I'm with you and I was rereading it. My DF died of the big C not too long ago and that comment came out of nowhere. So YANBU and just passing comment on the OP's actual comments like we all are. So don't let it get to you