To be upset over Christmas present?

[CrazyCatLady00]

I know they say it’s the thought that counts, but I seriously felt there was no thought or much effort into my Christmas present from my bf.

I gave him a list of things to choose from that I would like and he got one item from the list which was a pair of earrings that he ordered last minute from Amazon 😒 and I also know they didn’t cost more then £40.

I got him loads for Christmas and put so much effort into it. Am I wrong to feel disappointed?

You'll have to let this sort of stuff go eventually. Men do make an effort. Just...not very successfully 😀

Yes I like my earrings, my point being however is that we previously spent a lot more on each other last Christmas and there was no mention of spending less, so this year I probably spend £150 more on him and out so much effort into his presents and unfortunately it didn’t seem reciprocated.

I really wish some would read my replies first before calling me greedy, needy and whatever else I’ve been called….!!

This is not a competition to see who has the worst man... Why did you put up with that for 20 years if you weren't happy?!

@RJnomore1
You do realise mumsnet despite the name is for parents btw don’t you?

You do realise according to the stats about 80% of users are female btw. Did you really just suggest there's an equal spread of men and women here?

Lets take it back to basics then, what is it exactly your point other than bad gift giver = bad partner, which you can't actually objectively justify and attack other posters when questioned.

Your core argument is that you have an amazing marriage and anyone disagreeing with you on this thread is clearly unhappy and in a bad relationship.

Somehow I find this line of reasoning a bit off.

I think teenagers do this. They are still in the ‘sack of stuff’ mindset, but we’re talking about adults here. Sometimes a present might be expensive because that is the right gift at that time. Sometimes, it won’t be so expensive.

Well it’s £40 more than I got.

I am pt, he is ft, good wage.

I bought all kids, my family and HIS. Got fuck all.

DP come from a family that gives one gift per occasion, be it Christmas or birthday. Even Santa would bring 1 gift.

I come from a family where is wake up to a overflowing sack of presents.

We set a budget, it’s £50 each; we mostly always end up going over budget. I tend to buy multiple items, I.e a jumper, a body set, a game/novelty gift, some socks ect.

He buys me my favourite perfume most years unless I’ve asked for suggested something specific if he’s stuck for ideas.

One thing I e never done is look at what he brought me and felt disappointed, or felt like he should have brought me more/spent more to make our gifting equal.

The thought really does count here, he brought me something. He went out of his way to search for something, wrap it and give it to me. That in itself is appreciated.

Stop looking at quantity when it comes to gifts, you’ll learnt to appreciate the experience a lot more.

Oh I’ve just looked at your other posts. Silly me.

Amyway you misrepresent my point which is that lots of women are in bad relationships and openly post on here about them and knowing the early signs could be useful. And that fairness and communication is really important.

id still like to see that venn diagram though.

Before we even go there you have to justify why this is a bad partner gift.

Is the OP just unhappy because it wasn't £200?
Is the OP jumping to conclusions that the bf put no effort into it?

After that you would have to breakdown the statistics on how many people don't really care that much about what gifts they get because they don't think it's important compared to those that come onto MN to complain about them.

After that you would have to look at whether people focused too much on gifts are bad partners.

Before you even get to a point where you conclude that your marriage is the special sort of marriage that everyone in the world wants (despite the fact it's enabling you to jump to conclusions about everything and everyone)

I think that’s a fair amount and a lovely gift. Why does it matter when it was ordered provided you got it on the day?
I hate the way some people make gift giving so transactional; knowing the trade value.

Well that would be one methodology depending on many many factors. I wouldn’t have to do any of that to produce a robust and competent study that would withstand peer review.

i would just like people to be happy and I’m able to observe that many aren’t… and that most of the unhappiness I see comes from perceived unfairness and resentment. Not necessarily just in relationships either that last sentence.

@RJnomore1
Just to put this into perspective this is like me saying that my husband can sing and women all deserve to have someone that can sing because it's amazing to have someone so emotionally in tune with themselves and others.

Some people aren't great at singing, some people aren't great at buying gifts. I honestly don't know how anyone can treat a partner as a performer and not a person. And I honestly don't know how anyone can come on here and make a tenuous link with someone being a bad partner because of it.

He's literally got you something off a list you wrote for him and your whinging

Get a grip OP or next time don't write a list

You're being unreasonable and ungrateful. You gave him a list and he picked something from it. Next year, set a budget between you, and then nobody is dissapointed.

How did you know they were worth less than £40 by the way?

I had read your thread and have just reread it and there was no suggestion prior that you hadn’t given him an exact list of what you wanted. I think the majority of eight pages of posters would agree going off the answers.

It’s ‘you’re’ not ‘your’.

If you say so. Sounds to me like she's got a reliable sensible partner with regards to gifts. Second xmas with one child.

But she can take your advice and dump him and go off with someone that focuses on special £200 gifts instead of bills and wiping bums and cheats a lot so she can be happy.

It isn’t either or you know… and why are you so fixated on money? I’ve said repeatedly it’s not about money…we have had no money at all and still been able to be considerate. I get the op has moved on to focus on money a bit but there is a basic unfairness in sitting back lettibg someone spend 5 times the amount on you and saying nothing.

I’ve also missed all the threads about people upset at their partners poor singing ability apparently.

Main issue here seems to be miscommunication and perhaps different views (him: buy something they’d like, it’s not about cost v you: spend the same or it’s unfair). Neither view is wrong but quite different values. If this is really important to you though, then perhaps have a clearer conversation before Xmas next year around what you are both see as a realistic amount to spend so you can manage your own expectations more easily.

”I’d like to see all women do the same”

How, given that there are only about the same number of blokes in the world as women, and a fair few blokes are crap?

Either some women have to have lower standards, or we go back to polygamy, or more women will remain single permanently.

Obviously because people aren't asked to sing to each other once a year to prove how much they care about each other. How do you come up with these ridiculous responses to things which are analogies?

Would you like me to go on to you about how my husband sang his own song with his rather famous band for me at out wedding just so you have a good comparison of how a marriage should be?

Obviously it's not "one or the other" but then you're clearly mr unicorn rather than mr good enough so really it is one or the other as far as you're concerned since you clearly suggesting this bf isn't good enough by virtue of the fact that he, shock horror, bought some £40 earrings for xmas in the middle of a cost of living crisis. How terrible.

I certainly know full well what the risks are with a rather attractive sensitive man who's very romantic and can tune in with you easily but it appears you don't.

It's obviously not plausible that the OP is far too focused on big romantic gestures and did most of the misinterpreting as to how much would be an appropriate amount to spend this year as opposed to the first year when you really want to be making those gestures to each other.

@Kokeshi123 this is admittedly 8 years old but it doesn’t seem that big an issue in the uk? www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/single-women-should-move-to-london-but-single-men-should-go-to-merseyside-research-shows-9480725.html?amp

(and oh you’re on about money again, no surprise there. )

What was that supposed to prove? That the male and female ratio is relatively even so not everyone is going to get someone brilliant at gift giving?

1 in 2 chance of a marriage not working on top of that. Perhaps that's 50% of men who are no good at gift giving. So even worse odds.