To be upset over Christmas present?

[CrazyCatLady00]

I know they say it’s the thought that counts, but I seriously felt there was no thought or much effort into my Christmas present from my bf.

I gave him a list of things to choose from that I would like and he got one item from the list which was a pair of earrings that he ordered last minute from Amazon 😒 and I also know they didn’t cost more then £40.

I got him loads for Christmas and put so much effort into it. Am I wrong to feel disappointed?

Is it? You're asserting that bad gift giving = bad partner. And bad gift giving = mostly men.

Up to you to back this up with something tangible isn't it?

Ok so to a point that puts a different slant on it and perhaps if you had been clearer six pages ago you might have got some different answers.

Laughing so much at this🤣 Thanks for cheering me up as my boiler broke down just before Christmas and there's no heating or hot water.

These types of threads really do help you see how trivial others can be.

This isn't really a big deal. You got a present. Enjoy your Amazon earrings.

And you think that’s a good thing? Ridiculous over spending, I would be discouraging that nonsense.

@Aprilx maybe if you’d read all replies you would have seen that I did say this.

Once again, she gave him a list and told him to choose from it. Which he did.

If he had any gumption at all he might have realised that she'd think/hope he would buy more than one item from it, when that item only cost 20% of what he spent last year. Or he could have checked. If someone gave me a list, they'd get gift(s) from it that equalled my budget.

Frankly if his budget is a mere 1/5 of what it was last year, he should have said so weeks ago.

@Notplayingball i aim to please 😁

I'm surprised by the replies, I think £200 every year is excessive but he could have at least spent slightly more than 40 and got a few things from the list if you aren't hard up for extra cash. The only people I buy one present for are extended family/ friends or neighbours. Yes, the present came in time but it definitely seems like a last minute job, no one wants to feel like a last minute job, especially from DH. I don't think it's crime of the century, just discuss expectations for next year.

I have a 16 year old and I'd be discouraging that as well. Assuming part time jobs with no bills to pay meaning higher disposable incomes than many adults.

I feel your pain
The only thing I asked for was a pair of £40 Pandora earings I'd seen
Did I get them? No I didn't!!

Got other stuff but nothing I really wanted I was disappointed ☹️

It'll be bloody coal next year with your attitude!

@twinmum2022 🤣🤣🤣

Well as a completely untested evidence body I present you with mn on Christmas, Mother’s Day, at birthdays…

and while some will undoubtedly be same sex couples the majority are about useless men. There’s plenty on this thread.

i don’t for a second believe these men are useless in other spheres of life. I do believe bad gift giving (which is not linked to cost) is often a sign of lack of consideration and this bad partners. This us based on my observational evidence in real life and on here.

Youre quite snippy and defensive are you not? You do realise I have no obligation to produce peer researched evidence just to satisfy you? Have I hit a nerve somehow? It wasn’t my intention ; I am thoroughly scunnered with women underselling themselves on every front though. And other women jumping in to shut them down from expecting to be treated better.

Mumsnet is also full of snippy threads about unsuitable presents from mil's,mothers,Sils and sisters

Not just men. At all

Nah it's not snippy to ask you to back it up when you say Bad gift giver = bad partner. People need to be responsible when making such claims.

You seem kinda snippy though, no doubt experienced it yourself.

Me and dh not doing any gifting anymore. I just choose whatever i want and wrap it myself. Ask dh to pay it. I wrap it myself hust because my kids like to open my presents aswell. This christmas i want celine bag so i bought in myself snd ask dh to pay. I wouldnt dare to ask dh to choose it by himself. He will choose either wrong colour or wrong model.

same aswell as dh. He wants air jordan so he choose himself and ask me to wrap it. The elements of surprise is gone but i’m still happy with celine bag.

Absolutely. Not sure how this thread jumped to men are bad gift givers. The clue that they're not on here complaining about their partners gifts is in the forum name "mumsnet".

Anyway @RJnomore1 there is a study at CMU which suggests people who are bad at gift giving usually focus on the cost of the gift.

I've noted in this case the OP said nothing about whether she actually liked the earrings or not.

I'm not sure what standards you are trying to hold women to but you may want to to understand that your own standards are not universal before going on about how women should expect more.

I have, I dated a tight lazy guy in my late teens. Got shot and would not tolerate it now. Have a great, decades long marriage with a bloke who puts effort in on all fronts, and gets effort back from me in return. I’d like to see all women with the same. Set your bar high (that doesn’t mean money - it means thought and knowing and understanding you).

(I should have been clear for the pedantic that I was continuing to refer to intimate relationships and not to wider gift giving, in line with the entire thread. )

You do realise mumsnet despite the name is for parents btw don’t you?

I hope you find happiness anyway, perhaps you’re the lazy one in relationships if you think consideration about something your partner you might enjoy is needy and whatever else you called it, I’m not insisting it’s entirely the domain of men.

I see so we've gone from asking you to justify why people who are bad gift givers are bad partners to attacking me personally and suggesting I'm not happy.

And I'm the snippy emotional one 😂

Yes, odd that it's the cost that is focused on. He could have bought £100 earrings despite thinking the OP would like the £40 ones better. Would the OP have been happier in that case I wonder?

Apparently, that is indeed the issue 🤷‍♀️

Ok let’s take it to basics.

How many people talking about bad partner gifts are happy?

What is the point of being in a relationship if not to make you happy?

That doesn’t need to be an expensive gift. It can be as simple as making you breakfast, or as another poster beautifully described bringing you things you need.

Can you explain what logic makes you think someone putting no effort in, or deciding to change the goal posts without discussion, makes them a good partner?

Seriously? Pineappleskies’ post deleted? Just for telling OP she was moaning and behaving like a self entitled brat? Ansolutely bonkers. The response she received back from OP was so much more offensive….