Page 6 | To be upset over Christmas present?

CrazyCatLady00 · 2022-12-26T17:28:17+00:00

I know they say it’s the thought that counts, but I seriously felt there was no thought or much effort into my Christmas present from my bf. I gave him a list of things to choose from that I would like and he got one item from the list which was a pair of earrings that he ordered last minute from Amazon 😒 and I also know they didn’t cost more then £40. I got him loads for Christmas and put so much effort into it. Am I wrong to feel disappointed?

HotChoxs · 26/12/2022 20:09

tinyt137 · 26/12/2022 19:13

Why do gifts represent how much someone loves you? I didn't get anything from my husband for Christmas. I don't need anything. My home is warm, there is food in the fridge and my kids are healthy. That's all I need. Spending money for the sake of it is a waste.

I am with you on this one, I don't put my partner in a position where all the good things they can do over the year are ignored in favour of a gift given to satisfy the retailers on profit making day. Don't the biggest cheaters always make it up with a nice gift?

DwightShrutesGlasses · 26/12/2022 20:10

I do see where the OP is coming from as my DH is similar. He sees buying gifts as a complete chore, very little pleasure involved, he doesn't really think much about them, and leaves it to the last possible minute. The past few years I've started to make Amazon wish lists of things that I like the look of, and much like the OP, my DH goes online a few days before Christmas and orders stuff from the list.

It's not that I dictate that he has to buy those and it's not that I'm not grateful. It's just that, to me thinking about and choosing gifts for people is something a bit more... special? His gifts this year were all really thoughtful and expensive - I started planning them months ago and thought carefully about the various different parts of them to make them come together - because that's the way I approach it. He doesn't.

It's taken years together for me to work this out. He's the same with everyone! I'd like him one to day come home with a surprise gift that he saw when he was out and thought I'd like, or to open something under the tree I hadn't basically chosen myself, but it's just not that likely. It makes me a little disappointed but I don't think entitled, or childish or selfish or whatever else the OP has been called!

Athenen0ctua · 26/12/2022 20:11

roarfeckingroarr · 26/12/2022 19:55

@Aprilx not my circus... but it's a bit cheap to just get the one thing?

They were £40, that's not cheap, hardly a box of chocolates.

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 20:15

Next time maybe don't write him a list and see what he pulls out of the bag.

Original poster

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 20:15

It would make things so much easier if some of you actually read my replies rather then jumping straight in 🙄

OP posts:

HotChoxs · 26/12/2022 20:17

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 20:15

It would make things so much easier if some of you actually read my replies rather then jumping straight in 🙄

You have said nothing about what your bf is like. What is he like?

WisherWood · 26/12/2022 20:17

TBH I wouldn’t entertain an intimate relationship with a man who couldn’t think what I might like as a gift himself anyway, having to write a list would be the end as well.

My DP has many good qualities, but choosing gifts isn't really one of them. I'm not going to dump him because he doesn't get me stuff for Christmas, when he turns up at my house with a food parcel and flowers if I'm ill. For Christmas and birthdays, knowing I have less spare cash than he does, he asks what I might want that I can't get for myself. That way I get something I genuinely need. OK, a wheelbarrow might not sound romantic, but it's useful and makes my life easier and I couldn't afford it myself, so what's not to like?

As far as the OP is concerned, I think we all have to remember that this year is different from last year. More people are struggling for cash. So he didn't order it particularly early - but it still got there on time. I'd take it in context. If the rest of the relationship is fine, don't worry about it. If he's slipping in other areas, maybe overall there's a problem.

Athenen0ctua · 26/12/2022 20:18

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 17:50

I gave him a list as he had absolutely no idea what to buy me. He ordered my present from Amazon 5 days before Christmas, so I felt like he went on and literally ordered the first pair he saw as he didn’t have much time because he left it so late 🤷🏻‍♀️

How do you know how long he'd been looking?

NinjaWarriorCooker · 26/12/2022 20:21

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 20:15

It would make things so much easier if some of you actually read my replies rather then jumping straight in 🙄

It would be helpful
if you answered some of the questions asked.

what's the relevance of when he bought them, how do you know?

so you micro manage everything?

Anywherebuthere · 26/12/2022 20:25

It's sad that christmas seems to just be about ££££ and material things.

Is he otherwise a good, decent person who treats you well over the years? If he is, then the value of the gift he chose from the list that you gave really shouldnt matter.

pocketvenuss · 26/12/2022 20:25

bizzywiththefizzy · 26/12/2022 17:49

£200 on b/f g/f presents that is crazy ! , really you need to lower expectations .

Seriously? My 15 year old and her boyfriend spent around £150 on each other.

RJnomore1 · 26/12/2022 20:26

WisherWood · 26/12/2022 20:17

TBH I wouldn’t entertain an intimate relationship with a man who couldn’t think what I might like as a gift himself anyway, having to write a list would be the end as well.

My DP has many good qualities, but choosing gifts isn't really one of them. I'm not going to dump him because he doesn't get me stuff for Christmas, when he turns up at my house with a food parcel and flowers if I'm ill. For Christmas and birthdays, knowing I have less spare cash than he does, he asks what I might want that I can't get for myself. That way I get something I genuinely need. OK, a wheelbarrow might not sound romantic, but it's useful and makes my life easier and I couldn't afford it myself, so what's not to like?

As far as the OP is concerned, I think we all have to remember that this year is different from last year. More people are struggling for cash. So he didn't order it particularly early - but it still got there on time. I'd take it in context. If the rest of the relationship is fine, don't worry about it. If he's slipping in other areas, maybe overall there's a problem.

But you describe a man who does consider what you want. Flowers and food when you aren’t well show someone thinking things through. Realising you may need something you can’t afford and checking that out shows consideration.

Deciding single handed not to make an effort does not. There’s some really sad stories on this page, told in a “humourous oh what is he like it’s just him” manner, about men who I presume hold actual jobs where they don’t pay things out the wrong account or be incapable of independent thought. Only when it comes to the person they’re supposed to care about above all.

id love to see a researched diagram with the overlap between shit gift givers, housework refusers and checked our parents in the male population.

Aprilx · 26/12/2022 20:34

roarfeckingroarr · 26/12/2022 19:55

@Aprilx not my circus... but it's a bit cheap to just get the one thing?

Whether £40 is cheap is relative surely? OP put it on her list, if it was appropriate to put £100 earrings in the list then she could have done. She also told him to choose something off the list, which he did.

I don’t think there is any right or wrong about how much a present should cost or how many presents to buy. As I have mentioned up thread, DH normally buys me several, probably about ten, presents, but this year we agreed no presents.

OP gave her boyfriend very clear signals over how much to spend by choosing the gifts herself. He literally did as she asked,p.

LuluBlakey1 · 26/12/2022 20:34

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 17:42

@Pineappleskies oh didums….someone is sulking cause they didn’t get anything for Christmas. Pick your bottom lip up and off you trot 🙄

Wow! Really rude OP. You sound so entitled and self-obsessed. You asked for opinions so listen to them and don't be abusive.

Sceptre86 · 26/12/2022 20:37

Speak to him about it. You know you aren't being unreasonable to feel as you do . It all depends on what you intend to do about it.

HotChoxs · 26/12/2022 20:39

RJnomore1 · 26/12/2022 20:26

But you describe a man who does consider what you want. Flowers and food when you aren’t well show someone thinking things through. Realising you may need something you can’t afford and checking that out shows consideration.

Deciding single handed not to make an effort does not. There’s some really sad stories on this page, told in a “humourous oh what is he like it’s just him” manner, about men who I presume hold actual jobs where they don’t pay things out the wrong account or be incapable of independent thought. Only when it comes to the person they’re supposed to care about above all.

id love to see a researched diagram with the overlap between shit gift givers, housework refusers and checked our parents in the male population.

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Yes you should definitely do some research as mismatched abilities to gift give are quite common and overgiving is also a bad idea.

Pineappleskies · 26/12/2022 20:40

Just want to thank the 6 or 7 lovely souls who've addressed the OP's comment to me, which I found quite shocking and troubling. It really has eased my mind to see your words xx

1stTimeMama · 26/12/2022 20:40

I don't subscribe to the Christmas and birthdays are just for children malarkey, I enjoy giving and receiving presents. I deserve to be treated, and it's nice when people, specifically our partners, are thoughtful, considerate and spoil us a bit. There's nothing wrong at all in gift giving, it's some people's love language, but so many on here seem to think you should be happy with a used tea bag. At least they got you SOMETHING, right?!

I usually get a few gifts to open, this year my husband went above and beyond for me, and on top of all the fabulous gifts, he also got me an eternity ring worth more than our cars.

It's OK for the OP to feel disappointed, she's allowed to without being called ungrateful, spoiled and entitled by others who have incredibly low bars.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 26/12/2022 20:44

last year DH and I did our usual lots of presents, this year we said no presents

But you made a joint decision to do it differently this year. OP and her husband did not. To spend £200 one year and only £40 the next, with no discussion or change in circumstances, is odd.

OP, you need to have a discussion with him about this now, don't wait until you see what you get for your birthday.

Original poster

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 20:47

@Aprilx i didn’t specify which earrings to buy, I put on my list that I would like some earrings. But when we both spent £200 on each other the year before and I also did this year, it would have been nice if he said he wasn’t going to spend us much this year so I could have saved myself £160.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 26/12/2022 20:47

StarbucksSmarterSister · 26/12/2022 20:44

last year DH and I did our usual lots of presents, this year we said no presents

But you made a joint decision to do it differently this year. OP and her husband did not. To spend £200 one year and only £40 the next, with no discussion or change in circumstances, is odd.

OP, you need to have a discussion with him about this now, don't wait until you see what you get for your birthday.

Once again, she gave him a list and told him to choose from it. Which he did. So it was also a joint decision, or at least it was reasonable for him to assume that was what was required this year.

Isahlo · 26/12/2022 20:47

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 17:39

It’s our second Christmas together. Last year we spent £200 in each other and this year I spent nearly the same as we didn’t really talk about it. I know for next year that’ll spend no more then £50.

There have been years DH and I have spent hundreds on eachother
years one persons spent hundreds and the other has done nothing or a token presents
and years we’ve both got nothing.

its not about matching eachother?

Isahlo · 26/12/2022 20:48

CrazyCatLady00 · 26/12/2022 20:47

@Aprilx i didn’t specify which earrings to buy, I put on my list that I would like some earrings. But when we both spent £200 on each other the year before and I also did this year, it would have been nice if he said he wasn’t going to spend us much this year so I could have saved myself £160.

Maybe he just thought you’d like the earrings?

RJnomore1 · 26/12/2022 20:52

HotChoxs · 26/12/2022 20:39

Yes you should definitely do some research as mismatched abilities to gift give are quite common and overgiving is also a bad idea.

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Oh you made me laugh - the mismatched giving is almost always in the man’s favour some way is it not?

My research unfortunately is in a completely different area and I don’t have time to take on a second unrelated one. But someone should…I think it would be an eye opener (but obviously I don’t have empirical evidence so it’s just a hypothesis.)

Ourlittleharmonica · 26/12/2022 20:53

This tit-for-tat is really really odd to me. I've never added up what myself or DH have spent on each other. Why would anyone?

You said you wanted earrings, he bought earrings, and now you're freezing him out? If he'd have spent £200 on them would you have been more impressed?

I find it all so crass. The man bought you something he thought you wanted, he didn't ask you to spend £200 on him. You chose to do that. Now you're already thinking about what he won't get you for your birthday? JFC.