To be upset over Christmas present?

[CrazyCatLady00]

I know they say it’s the thought that counts, but I seriously felt there was no thought or much effort into my Christmas present from my bf.

I gave him a list of things to choose from that I would like and he got one item from the list which was a pair of earrings that he ordered last minute from Amazon 😒 and I also know they didn’t cost more then £40.

I got him loads for Christmas and put so much effort into it. Am I wrong to feel disappointed?

You gave the man a list of things to choose from.

Said man chose something from said list and gifted it to you.

I feel like I'm missing something here?
What's the issue, what has he done wrong?

He followed the rules to a T. 🤷🏻‍♀️

How could he put more effort in when he was handed a list and told to buy something off it.

Pineappleskies, I like your style. I wonder what else was on the list. Mind you, I wouldn't want a £40 pair of earrings, excessive!! My DH and I have a joint account,so we go out together and pick want we want normally. We've been together almost 34 years,I chose myself a pair of slippers,he said he wouldn't have picked them, would have got some I wasn't keen on, but I would have said thank you, kept them and worn them.

£200 on b/f g/f presents that is crazy ! , really you need to lower expectations .

What is wrong with you????????

That posters post was very harsh but you are literally here sulking because you didn’t get what you want for Christmas 😅 pick that bottom lip up OP!

Well OP there are a great deal of posters on MN who accept such poor treatment from their partners that they would be ecstatic if to receive anything. Let’s face it - there are women who buy their own presents and wrap them up ( for what reason I have no idea… presumably so no one feels sorry for them). If you both spent £200 last year then one present this year is a considerable decline. I would feel shit about that too.

So tell him you're disappointed.

This is only your 2nd Christmas together, you should still be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. If he's putting such little effort in now and you don't pull him up on it, things will only get worse.

Don't let him set the precedent of getting you minimal-thought gifts if that's not what you want.

Explain what your standards are to him and tell him that he fell short, or don't say anything and recognise that is all you're going to get for the rest of your relationship with him.

I gave him a list as he had absolutely no idea what to buy me. He ordered my present from Amazon 5 days before Christmas, so I felt like he went on and literally ordered the first pair he saw as he didn’t have much time because he left it so late 🤷🏻‍♀️

‘Such poor treatment’ give over, he bought her something she wanted from her Christmas list, but didn’t go OTT and spend £200, not exactly abusive is it.

Why does it matter when he bought it?

You got something you wanted from a list you gave him!

5 days isn’t ‘so late’ especially on Amazon, so maybe he just liked them and you are ungreatful OP. If you didn’t want them it probably would have been better to just put expensive things on the list.

Perhaps he didn't realise that you expect him to buy several, if not all, the items on the list you gave him.

Is £40 not a reasonable amount to spend on a gift for someone? What would have been an acceptable amount for him to spend?

You're disappointed his spend didn't match yours, is that how gift giving works, a sort of tit for tat?

It was your choice to spend so much no one made you.

Obviously you're not unreasonable to feel disappointed that he spent less, that's how you feel and you're entitled to your feelings but it does make you sound a bit grabby.

Sorry you feel upset about the gift. But, be fair, you gave him a list to choose from and he chose from it. I feel that he thinks he did well getting you a lovely gift you specifically asked for.
I understand that you may have also liked a secret surprise special gift as well, but people (especially men IMO) are not mind readers and will generally only do this if something stands out.
from your OP it dangerously sounds like you are one of those people who would happily accept junk as long as it had a big price tag. It shouldn’t be about that and he’s also contributed to family gifts too which is the main thing if you ask me.

I think a single gift of £40 earrings from amazon from your OH s a bit mean unless you are broke or agreed to a one gift £40 limit.
Given that he spent £200 last year and you put a lot of time, effort and expense into his gifts yanbu to be disappointed .

My DH and I used to buy/spend a lot at Christmas and it was so stressful! (We do 2 smallish presents now around £50 maximum and it is perfect amount - enough for something thoughtful and that's all that matters). That's what is missing for you - the thought and effort? Now you know the drill, One present under £50... You will be thankful next December when there is less stress! But I do feel for you - last year set you up for bigger expectations!

Maybe leave the lists and see what happens without them? (I used to do them as well and they might be practical but they are not fun!)

how do you know so much detail? I’d hate to be micro managed by my partner.

I only shop online, sometimes early. Sometimes late

I’m not sure why traipsing round shops in early December means I care more?

Did you like the earrings? How do you know how much they cost?

Lack of effort/laziness is completely unattractive.

Tightness is completely unattractive.

Not being treated like you matter at least as much as your partner is completely unattractive.

Theres a whole bunch of women on here who are so pleased to have a bloke around they’re quite grateful to wrap their own piece of Christmas coal and sit around berating anyone who expects consideration and reciprocacy in their relationship (presuming that no one is being forced into debt here) buts it’s not normal or healthy and that on our second Christmas together would seriously have me ending the relationship.

it’s not about £40 or not. It’s a symptom of how you will treated and how much return effort you can expect in the relationship over the years.

Sorry... are you not literally sulking on the internet because your bf ordered you something off a list you gave him?

Buying gifts is super important to some people, not to others. I fail to see where and when he bought them matters if they were on your list.
A partner who buys you multiple thoughtful exciting gifts every single Christmas and Birthday is not that important to me compared to all the other stuff of life.

There are literally people dying Kim...

What is your issue about buying from Amazon and why does it matter that it was five days before.

This.

Around October or November next year, i.e. After feelings from this have cooled, have the discussion. You're a new couple, you have to work out together what will work for you. When my partner and I started out I learned that he thought joke presents were a laugh. I feel really neutral about them but it's a non-gift as far as I'm concerned and i don't like waste so i don't really get into the spirit of the concept. He's also witnessed me putting things straight into recycling or a charity bag or giving it back to him so he can use it on someone else. Personally, i like seeing presents under the tree but i am impossible to buy for so we exchange lists and only go off piste on small items. We have an agreed small limit. So basically the day is about time together and special food with a pretty tree.