To be upset over Christmas present?

[CrazyCatLady00]

I know they say it’s the thought that counts, but I seriously felt there was no thought or much effort into my Christmas present from my bf.

I gave him a list of things to choose from that I would like and he got one item from the list which was a pair of earrings that he ordered last minute from Amazon 😒 and I also know they didn’t cost more then £40.

I got him loads for Christmas and put so much effort into it. Am I wrong to feel disappointed?

Be grateful.
I would have preferred earrings over what I got.
Men leave it either to late or never get it 'right'.

You are wrong to feel disappointed imo. He got something you asked for and you don't sound either thankful or grateful.

You're so very lucky to receive a gift from your wish list and a partner to share to gift it from.

It's normal in my family to give one present to each person, except for your own children. I think a present chosen from a list is reasonable.

Here OP, £100 earrings. Kate said the gift was “thoughtful”. Imagine the surprise of the Amazon delivery driver when he put the postcode into his satnav.

You're the one that's sulking, love.

You got a lovely gift but it's not enough? Pineapple has hit the nail on the head tbh.

I feel for you OP. My understanding would be that the list was there for one or two ideas and then there'd be thoughtful surprises as well

Totally agree.
Some women have on here set the bar so low they are happy with any old crap and minimal effort .. £40 earrings on their own does not make for an exciting Christmas morning and for a bloke to drop from £200 of gifts to £40 in a year makes me wonder why , on that trajectory next year OP will get nothing .

Anybody else comparing this thread with the current thread about disabled young adults? It highlights how very hard life is for some MN posters. It really does put gift giving into perspective

Nasty

I don’t think you are unreasonable to feel disappointed given that last year you both spent £200 on gifts - there is an expectation that you’ll both spend the same unless it was discussed beforehand,

So many of these "problems" could be avoided if people actually communicated with each other

I agree. Op gave him a list, he picked something off it. Job done. If the expectation was that he should pick everything off the list, OP should have made him aware. And no ‘didums’ needed for me. I got a lovely gift from my DH, but one where I was with him when it was purchased. I know most people like the surprise element, but it works for us.

Why do you and many others assume that nobody can assess a situation unless they themselves have a low bar or are in an even worse situation themselves. Has it occurred to you that some people are capable of being objective and can assess a situation without bringing own situation into it.

So here, OP gave boyfriend a list of things she wants and told him to choose something from it. He did exactly as he was told, so no I do not understand what OP is complaining about.

My situation is that my husband normally spends months buying lots of gifts for me (and I do same). This year at my suggestion there were no gifts because we went on holiday instead, in fact he still got me a gift but I stick to the plan and didn’t get him anything. We are both fine. We are happy with the level of our bars. It makes no difference to my assessment of OP’s situation.

😲😲😲

I was with you until this comment

I would just tell him straight. I wouldn't be happy either tbh.

This year I choose a kindle from DH, and he literally pestered me for days asking if I was sure that's all I wanted. 🙈

This is more like what I do for my child, not adults.

You’ve nailed it. It’s really strange how users will come pouring out of the woodwork to berate the OP as ungrateful and crow about how little they’re satisfied with. As if it’s a competition to have the least or the lowest standards. Just why?

The disingenuous posters banging on about “you gave a list and he chose from it, what’s your problem??” while ignoring the details about what was done last year and the last-minute thoughtlessness of it are a close second though.

Why do gifts represent how much someone loves you? I didn't get anything from my husband for Christmas. I don't need anything. My home is warm, there is food in the fridge and my kids are healthy. That's all I need. Spending money for the sake of it is a waste.

It’s the thought and care that represents how much someone loves you. If you show that in other ways that’s fine. But if you’ve given someone to believe you’re going to be exchanging gifts in a thoughtful and caring way and then you let them do it but don’t put thought and care in yourself, that’s an indication of a lack of love.

You're not unreasonable to be disappointed - those are your feelings - but you may be unreasonable for not being clearer on your expectations [just as he is for changing things so much without discussion]. Especially with how many people's finances have changed in the last year, many are spending less and if the conversation was limited to him not knowing to buy and you giving him an Amazon list, this seems like a potential outcome.

When things are calmer in the new year, have a discussion about things going forward.

How is it disingenuous? What happened last year is not relevant, last year DH and I did our usual lots of presents, this year we said no presents. And genuinely do not see how when he bought the gift matters, so long as I am not late, which it wasn’t.

@Pineappleskies well said. Totally agree

You gave him a list to choose from and the fucker CHOSE FROM THAT LIST?

To the gallows, immediately

I think you should think about how much you are focused on how much you, he, both of you last year spent. You are adults. There is more to life than money. He got you something he knew you would like, not anticipated your dissatisfaction about him not giving you a sack of toys, sorry gifts 🙄

Why does it matter when he bought them? What is the acceptable window for buying Christmas presents in your secret rules?