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Original poster

Christmas tears and fucking festivities

177 replies

lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:38

Is there anyone else who is just wanting it to be over? My family are sat in the kitchen playing games and I am sat in the lounge quietly sobbing to myself, wishing it was Boxing Day already. This time last year I was on an amazing holiday with the person I thought I'd marry, I'm now just coming out the other end of a painful/abusive breakup with this man. On top of that, my sister has upset me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to pretend I'm feeling festive. I don't want to have to pretend that my heart isn't aching. I don't want to pretend that my sister hasn't upset me. I don't want to pretend I'm okay ffs.

This is a terribly morbid thread, I know, but is anyone else's day feeling a similar way?

OP posts:
OhWhatToDoooo · 24/12/2022 16:42

Had a huge argument with DH yesterday and we've tried talking about it today and just isn't seeing my perspective.

We were both in the wrong but he isn't owning or apologetic for his part.

I'm going out for dinner with the whole family tonight, luckily my side.

Can't wait to draw a smile on my face and act like everything is hunky dory.

Hope things start looking up for you OP Flowers

SameScriptDifferentCast · 24/12/2022 16:42

There's so much pressure on everyone to create a 'perfect day' but I'm guaranteeing you that most houses will have some bickering and irritation going on.
You don't HAVE to do anything but put one foot in front of the other for the next few days. Break it down into sections and just do it that way.
Take time out if you need it, if you can go for a walk to get some air and space. Then in the new year see if you can get some counselling as it sounds like you've been through an awful lot recently.
Merry Christmas OP. You can do this x

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/12/2022 16:44

Could you go home OP? Say you’ve got a tummy bug and just need your own bed.

Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:48

OhWhatToDoooo · 24/12/2022 16:42

Had a huge argument with DH yesterday and we've tried talking about it today and just isn't seeing my perspective.

We were both in the wrong but he isn't owning or apologetic for his part.

I'm going out for dinner with the whole family tonight, luckily my side.

Can't wait to draw a smile on my face and act like everything is hunky dory.

Hope things start looking up for you OP Flowers

Sorry to hear about that. That sounds totally pants. Hopefully the meal will distract you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:49

I am tempted to go home. But then I have the awkwardness of having to come back here tomorrow. I don't want to play stupid board games and sing songs ☹️ I didn't realise how hard this would hit me, I am doing everything I can to not text him but it's fucking killing me. How can so much change in a year 😥

OP posts:
Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 24/12/2022 16:50

Surely being out of an abusive relationship is worth raising a glass to op?

pastapestoparmesan · 24/12/2022 16:51

Presumably you’re an adult, therefore don’t ‘have’ to do anything? Go home and sod the lot of them!

ImaMumtoaboy · 24/12/2022 16:51

I've just sat on kitchen floor sobbing aswell. It's my first Christmas without my dad who died in July. My dog who is 15 won't last much longer. He has fell flat into his dinner and knocked his water bowl over.
Took ham out to boil it and its gone off. Only brought it Thursday and its dated 1st Jan.
Have to pull myself together because I have an excited 10 yr old and all I want to do I crawl into bed but unfortunately that's not gonna happen because I have to haul my feeling sorry for myself ass down tesco to buy a ham because the butcher I brought my original ham from closed at 1.
Dh is annoying the crap out of me by being to jolly.

Ho fucking ho!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bellac11 · 24/12/2022 16:52

You dont have to come back tomorrow, your 'tummy bug' might go on for a few days??

Tilllly · 24/12/2022 16:53

SameScriptDifferentCast · 24/12/2022 16:42

There's so much pressure on everyone to create a 'perfect day' but I'm guaranteeing you that most houses will have some bickering and irritation going on.
You don't HAVE to do anything but put one foot in front of the other for the next few days. Break it down into sections and just do it that way.
Take time out if you need it, if you can go for a walk to get some air and space. Then in the new year see if you can get some counselling as it sounds like you've been through an awful lot recently.
Merry Christmas OP. You can do this x

This

Spot on

Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:56

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 24/12/2022 16:50

Surely being out of an abusive relationship is worth raising a glass to op?

Why the fuck do I not see it like this?! Instead of celebrating the fact I had the strength to leave, I'm crying over missing him and not being with him!

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:57

ImaMumtoaboy · 24/12/2022 16:51

I've just sat on kitchen floor sobbing aswell. It's my first Christmas without my dad who died in July. My dog who is 15 won't last much longer. He has fell flat into his dinner and knocked his water bowl over.
Took ham out to boil it and its gone off. Only brought it Thursday and its dated 1st Jan.
Have to pull myself together because I have an excited 10 yr old and all I want to do I crawl into bed but unfortunately that's not gonna happen because I have to haul my feeling sorry for myself ass down tesco to buy a ham because the butcher I brought my original ham from closed at 1.
Dh is annoying the crap out of me by being to jolly.

Ho fucking ho!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh this sounds so hard! Let's both have a cry and then maybe eat some cheese based products and pray this evening is over quickly. Sending love ❤️

OP posts:
SameScriptDifferentCast · 24/12/2022 17:00

@lookingforafantasy judging by your user name you know that person you are missing isn't really real? If he's abusive then he's not worth another second of your time. I'm guessing you're mourning the relationship that you wanted but didn't get.
You are better off without him. You're worth so much more and you will move forward. X

babybabybabyblue · 24/12/2022 17:12

So sorry this is happening to you....Christmas is particularly difficult if you're depressed/have family problems/difficult partners.

Throw in some abusive to the mix and it is no wonder that you are feeling so bad. Christmas seems to highlight any sadness in your life, which throughout the rest of the year may be bearable, but Christmas just magnifies it.

I'm not religious, so Christmas does not carry that significance for me. Perhaps if you are, you can focus on that side maybe? Just a thought.

Someone once sent me a large Christmas card a few years ago with a snow covered roof, and VERY grumpy Santa squatting over the chimney with his undergarments down.

The caption was BAH HUMBUG!

😂

LindorDoubleChoc · 24/12/2022 17:13

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SameScriptDifferentCast · 24/12/2022 17:14

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Wow, that's a bit harsh! She's taken herself out of the way not sat at the dining table wailing. Have a bit of compassion.

Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 17:14

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Please go away

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 17:15

babybabybabyblue · 24/12/2022 17:12

So sorry this is happening to you....Christmas is particularly difficult if you're depressed/have family problems/difficult partners.

Throw in some abusive to the mix and it is no wonder that you are feeling so bad. Christmas seems to highlight any sadness in your life, which throughout the rest of the year may be bearable, but Christmas just magnifies it.

I'm not religious, so Christmas does not carry that significance for me. Perhaps if you are, you can focus on that side maybe? Just a thought.

Someone once sent me a large Christmas card a few years ago with a snow covered roof, and VERY grumpy Santa squatting over the chimney with his undergarments down.

The caption was BAH HUMBUG!

😂

This made me smile so much! I'm not religious either and I deffo agree about Christmas highlighting things that aren't perfect. I can't wait for the day I hopefully have children and a nice healthy relationship and this time of year will feel so different. Xx

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 24/12/2022 17:15

Tomorrow will be a sad day for me, yet another Christmas without my mum.
I hold it together, for the sake of everyone else, then have a cry in the shower. Then I paint a smile on again until the day is over.
‘You are not alone.

crimsonpeak · 24/12/2022 17:17

You’re not alone OP xx

Comedycook · 24/12/2022 17:19

I was just about looking forward to it but dh has just told me that mil is coming over. I am not happy. She's horrible. Won't bring gifts... won't bring any contribution (she's wealthy but chooses to live like a peasant). Won't speak but expects to be waited on. I have also sadly lost a dear relative this week who was a lovely, fun, generous person. I'm barely managing to contain my anger towards my DH for inviting her. He's picking her up and dropping her home so he can't drink and it will use up my precious petrol. As a example of how tight she is, she has hundreds of thousands in the bank and once gave our dd 50p. DD thought it was fifty pounds and I had to explain it wasn't and the most she could buy was a packet of sweets. I don't know how to hold it together I'm so full of hatred

Onnabugeisha · 24/12/2022 17:21

lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:56

Why the fuck do I not see it like this?! Instead of celebrating the fact I had the strength to leave, I'm crying over missing him and not being with him!

Show quote history

Your feelings are perfectly normal. You’re grieving the life you thought you would have, the life he promised you. It’s a huge loss to bear and it’s no wonder you are teary eyed and crying. Does anyone in your family understand you? Would be a good shoulder to cry on? You shouldn’t be alone, but it seems you are alone despite being with family?

babybabybabyblue · 24/12/2022 17:21

OP, glad you found my Christmas card funny It has cheered me up knowing that I've put a smile on your face.

And a very merry BAH HUMBUG to you!!!!!

😎

Sallycinnamum · 24/12/2022 17:21

OP if this helps in any small way, this was me many years ago.

Had the most brutal break up a few weeks before Xmas and it was just thr most awful time. I can still remember my parents going to bed and me sobbing in the lounge trying to be quiet as I didn't want to ruin their Xmas.

18 month later I met my now DH and I have two DC so there is hope.

Even though that awful Xmas was over 15 years ago I can still remember the heartbreak.

You'll be OK. Just grit your teeth and get through it.

dolor · 24/12/2022 17:23

I fucking hate this time of year honestly.

I usually don't do it cos I hate it so much due to trauma, and my mum is away for it this year, so my brother asked me to go to his. I said I would cos I don't want him to be alone and miserable, he's been really mentally unwell recently. I'm doing it for him but I am dreading it.