Christmas tears and fucking festivities

[lookingforafantasy]

Is there anyone else who is just wanting it to be over? My family are sat in the kitchen playing games and I am sat in the lounge quietly sobbing to myself, wishing it was Boxing Day already. This time last year I was on an amazing holiday with the person I thought I'd marry, I'm now just coming out the other end of a painful/abusive breakup with this man. On top of that, my sister has upset me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to pretend I'm feeling festive. I don't want to have to pretend that my heart isn't aching. I don't want to pretend that my sister hasn't upset me. I don't want to pretend I'm okay ffs.

This is a terribly morbid thread, I know, but is anyone else's day feeling a similar way?

I'll admit that Dd did her social requirements quite well for her, and we managed it actively (I let DM know she would come out for a while but not stay for dinner, Dh would drop her back to DMIl and return).

DSis was bitchy and judgemental - not unusual at all.

DBro had a moment lasting less than 10 minutes where he was trying to get organised for the main cooking of the dinner and everyone else moved things into space he'd just cleared and generally crowded in - everyone else saw the issue and left him sort what he needed but the bitchy DSis wAs trying to "manage" it all and made it worse and then had to debrief afterwards in a negative way (which I shut down).

It was a very quiet start to the day and lots o weirdness in both houses. But it was not nearly so bad as it could have been.

Today, I plan a long walk alone and later a long walk with family and leftovers. Tomorrow I may disappear to "town " (coffee shop with a book) for a long while.

Next day we are going home but someone (Dh or I) needs to bring DMIL to medical appointment first and I think that's early afternoon. I have spare clothes in case we need an extra night and can wash more if necessary.

But this visit has also proved that DMIL has definitely had a health decline in recent weeks - much less mobile, occasional slurring words and getting confused, and a feeling of hopelessness. So DH is also very quiet and processing things in his head.