Christmas tears and fucking festivities

[lookingforafantasy]

Is there anyone else who is just wanting it to be over? My family are sat in the kitchen playing games and I am sat in the lounge quietly sobbing to myself, wishing it was Boxing Day already. This time last year I was on an amazing holiday with the person I thought I'd marry, I'm now just coming out the other end of a painful/abusive breakup with this man. On top of that, my sister has upset me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to pretend I'm feeling festive. I don't want to have to pretend that my heart isn't aching. I don't want to pretend that my sister hasn't upset me. I don't want to pretend I'm okay ffs.

This is a terribly morbid thread, I know, but is anyone else's day feeling a similar way?

Filed for divorce last month but ex-dh is still living in the house with me. We agreed on one last Xmas together for the sake of our young dc. He is moving out in Jan. I just can’t seem to get my game face on. This divorce is a long time coming. We have 4 dc and our marriage has been sexless since the last dc was born (5 years). I tried everything I could to save our marriage but he said that he just doesn’t find me attractive or fancy me anymore. I had recently started seeing someone else who has been ghosting me the last few days as he feels I am not giving him enough attention. I just feel so shit at the moment. My confidence is shot. I’m mid 40s with 4 dc but look at least 10 years older. I just don’t feel like I have anything to offer anyone. My dc are literally the only thing keeping me going right now. I feel like I’ll be alone forever.

Best wishes to everyone who are having difficulties. I.am.by myself.my partner committed suicide a year ago. I am.still in shock. I.have shunned company because I just can't face it. OP and anyone else who is suffering be kind to yourselves.

Buy a notebook in the sales. The nicest one you can afford because this is important stuff. Write down what you want to achieve in 2023 in work, home, love, babies whatever. Big stuff and trivia.Then think how you can get to those things. Online dating wasn't a thing when I met my second husband but dating agencies were. His details came through the post and we went on a blind date on Dec 9th 21 years ago. Join things, groups, clubs if you have a hobby. Use this time as 'me' time. If you want to change things about yourself this is the ideal time. If you like you just as you are then get yourself out there . Meet people, try things, say yes to stuff. Grieve for what has gone but look towards what is coming.

Last Christmas I too believed a lie thought my life was going towards a future I now know as fall was in unhappy marriage. I left in September I feel for anyone in pain this year emotionally. I’ve had Christmas in the 90s would the first ex come home Christmas Eve or be on a bender. I’ve had grumpy miserable Christmas’s with just left husband. Hugs all of you get through tomorrow it will pass. 💐💐💐💐❤️

I understand your pain, and like you, just want Xmas to be over! Apologies, if this is slightly off topic. My partner is an alcoholic. (We are both retired.) He has consumed half a bottle of vodka today, starting at 10am this morning! Having had a go at me for getting upset because the car broke down yesterday, he is now slumped on the settee, sleeping, and refusing to hang any lights on our bare tree (without which I can't start to decorate it). He says 'he's upset because I was upset' over the breakdown. Also he says there's no point, because we'll be taking them down soon! But I know it's only the bottle talking, anyway! So now Christmas is effectively cancelled for us. I've no tree, no decorations! Am so unhappy! Oh yes, he refuses to eat. Of course he is drinking on an empty stomach! Even worse! With the drink, he is like Jekyll & Hyde. The vodka turns him into Mr Hyde! My only hope is that when he sobers up later (maybe), he will see how unhappy I am, and decide to do the tree tomorrow - however late! I have mobility issues, and can't just walk away! I am so miserable, and have nobody to talk to. I just feel like everything's my fault - when it isn't. I just want to run away, but I can't! I don't think I can face Xmas anymore!

OP, hard relate. Expected to spend Christmas Day with narc sister tomorrow, dreading it. Cannot say no because she’s pregnant and if I don’t go she will either say ‘there’s a lot at stake’ or kick off such a fuss and say I am causing her and the baby stress. Days before I meet her I feel physically ill. If I don’t go my mum will break down and probably not forgive me. Rock and a hard place as DH working, not sure what to do and suggestions welcome.

hugs to anyone stuck and feeling similar

My dad passed away yesterday, on of my twin boys is currently so ill with vomiting. We are meant to be going out for christmas dinner - looks like we are getting a takeaway 😩.

Worst Christmas ever!

My mum and I had a slight row earlier because she was grumbling about the dietary restrictions of a Boxing Day visitor and I pointed out that she didn’t avoid it because she’s fussy, one of the ingredients is something she’s allergic to. I don’t think I was believed.

I’m about to make a run to little Tesco to get peppers we forgot for Boxing Day. I’m hoping she’ll be more cheerful when I get back…

This will be my 4th Christmas without my lovely 15 year old daughter. She loved Xmas. So many memories of fabulous Christmas pasts torturing me tonight, same as the other Xmas Eve’s since she died.
Xmas is a wonderful time of year if everything is right in your world. For the rest of us it’s shit. I tell myself it’s just another day to get through. Would be really happy if Xmas happened once every 4 years, like the Olympics.
Thinking of all those struggling tonight.

Oh my love I feel your pain the worry the Christmas will be ruined feeling it’s awful isn’t it? I pray you can leave somehow hugs handhold ❤️❤️

I meant false sorry.

Sending a virtual hug to you.

I’m in hospital. Was in an accident and broke my back. Not sure whether I am permanently faecally incontinent. My DH and ds are at home without me. I am on extraordinary doses of morphine. My dear friend and old lover Max Fraser has just died. I am not yet sure if I will ever walk again.

it is not feeling very much like Christmas.

@Always4Brenner Many thanks- that means a lot. Big hugs xxx

uy a notebook in the sales. The nicest one you can afford because this is important stuff. Write down what you want to achieve in 2023 in work, home, love, babies whatever. Big stuff and trivia.Then think how you can get to those things. Online dating wasn't a thing when I met my second husband but dating agencies were. His details came through the post and we went on a blind date on Dec 9th 21 years ago. Join things, groups, clubs if you have a hobby. Use this time as 'me' time. If you want to change things about yourself this is the ideal time. If you like you just as you are then get yourself out there . Meet people, try things, say yes to stuff. Grieve for what has gone but look towards what is coming.

I needed to read this post this evening. Thank you. Another one who is struggling and I have this in mind to do in 2023.

Sending love to everyone struggling right now. I think I’ve been crying solidly for the last 4 hours. My dad is at home on end of life care and expected to pass in the very near future, my 15year relationship has come to an end but I’m having to stay living in the same house for the time being as unfortunately I cannot afford to live alone at the minute (thankfully we are still on good terms), I have no friends or children to share the festivities with, and at 35 am feeling like I’ve totally messed up my life 😔 I usually adore Christmas and everything it brings but right now I wish I could just go and live in a cave away from the entire world

Google ' grey rock' .It has made a massive difference to my relationship with my psychopath mother

I hate Christmas.

I don’t even celebrate it but have people around me who do and expect everything.

As a child Christmas was about being trapped in a house being screamed at by not only my mother but also other family members because I wasn’t doing exactly what my mother wanted
Christmas holds bad memories and I want no part of it. Even as an adult it is just a lot of masking my feelings and trying to get through things whilst people get upset that I am not performing as I should

Dh is one of those people and I have started to hate him for it so I have made a decision that divorce is going to be on the cards in my he new year
I can’t take another Christmas doing what others want. Dc aren’t bothered by Christmas either. We would rather be in a plane to somewhere warm.

I have systemic sclerosis, stage 4 endo,angina and am just getting over breast cancer. Have finally had to give up the ghost and be signed perm off work. Ive worked since I was 15 and am now 50. My life is just pain, meds and hospital visits. I have no social life.

DH has bipolar and DS has depression. Both leaning very heavily on me at the moment and im crushed.My MH is horrific and im having therapy but I have no support.

Went NC with narc mum last year. As a result brother blocked me too. My dad died not long before that after being ill for a long time. 2 years ago i had a mum, dad, brother and sister( shes moved hundreds of miles away) Now I have no one.

Financially we are utterly utterly fucked. Waiting to be evicted in the New year. Been this way since Covid when DH lost his job and I had cancer. Fuck all in the way of benefits for both of us even though between the 2 of us we have 60 years paying tax. We never recovered even though hes working now.

I would be very happy if i didnt wake up tomorrow.

So sorry to hear so many lovely people hurting tonight. Glad we all have mumsnet.Love and strength to you all x

You're not missing him as such...just the companionship and togetherness...nobody ..and I mean nobody deserves abusive behaviour. That doesn't make a relationship.

Look forward not back. Enjoy the now. I used to loathe Christmas until a friend said to enjoy it in the now with the people you love and who love ...and respect you. This year more than most this has come to reality for her ...as she has lost her most dearest brother. I'm still not wild about Christmas but it has made me appreciate the opportunity to enjoy those closest to me rather than focusing on the 'loss' of a cheating scumbag ex.

Have a lovely with your LOVED ones.

I’m staying with my parents this year (I could go home as nearby but DM likes me to stay). DB goes with his family to the in-laws who are the other end (SW) of the country. We were all invited but DM never wants to go there (she has had health scares this year but is ok). I don’t really get on with my stepdad either.

I cracked earlier and said to DM that I’d be going away for Christmas or to DB’s (we are always invited). Cue DM saying “oh we’ll all go to DB’s in-laws you included Gonna, x have offered to lend us their cottage there!

Regardless of illness or not next year I’m tackling this in early summer next year and if we aren’t going up there next year then I’m booking a holiday abroad!

Funnily enough my semi retired aunt took herself off 2 weeks ago, to see her relatives of her DH (sadly passed away a year ago) in Australia who invited her over for Christmas, she’s gone for about 6 weeks. She does have a son and grandchildren and great grandchildren over here who she sees a lot but she’s in her 80s and feels like this’ll be the last opportunity to go to Australia to see these relatives and some sun!

I’ve read a few stories here. I do hope things get better for all of you and that you have a lovely Christmas and 2023 is better for all of you.

It’s such an intense day. I hear you.
I have a visitor who hasn’t so much as put a plate in the dishwasher, let alone contributed to even one item of food preparation. And I have had a massive falling out with my parents, just 4 days ago, which will not be healed by Christmas Day and left me realing with intense feelings of massive hurt, disappointment and betrayal.
Bah humbug to Xmas being the time of goodwill! And thank %uck it will be over very shortly. God give me strength…

This is why Mumsnet is a bloody Godsend. I've had a few Christmas tears too. Still can't get my head round this weird thing that is 'Christmas'.