Christmas tears and fucking festivities

[lookingforafantasy]

Is there anyone else who is just wanting it to be over? My family are sat in the kitchen playing games and I am sat in the lounge quietly sobbing to myself, wishing it was Boxing Day already. This time last year I was on an amazing holiday with the person I thought I'd marry, I'm now just coming out the other end of a painful/abusive breakup with this man. On top of that, my sister has upset me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to pretend I'm feeling festive. I don't want to have to pretend that my heart isn't aching. I don't want to pretend that my sister hasn't upset me. I don't want to pretend I'm okay ffs.

This is a terribly morbid thread, I know, but is anyone else's day feeling a similar way?

Because you need to break the habit. It’s not him that you miss it’s that your routine is different and that’s a challenge, you will overcome it though it will just take time.
If you need to take a migraine so that you can go home without explaining then do that.

I've just succumbed and put my pjs on (in this house, that's making a statement) and I'm just on the sofa with the dogs waiting to watch Stephen Mulhern on +1. I've also been writing notes in a page in my phone of things I want to say to him, that I know I can't. It's slightly crazy as I'm essentially "texting" him via my notes page but it feels sort of cathartic to get it out. My last note I told him that I missed him and that my Christmas is not going to be half as good as it was last year, before he broke my heart. ☹️

How many are getting puppies/dogs for Christmas? I’m a dog trainer and just wondering if as many people as we think do get dogs for Christmas.

Please ask Santa to bring you some emotional intelligence. Badly needed.

What did your sister do/say to upset you, OP?

Don’t feel you have to be nice to herl

Christmas is a peculiar mix of reflection and pressure for perfection, and it can be really hard. My dad died last month and I’m painting on a face. I’m sad but I want to have a great time for him because he loved Christmas and having his family around him. His favourite part of the whole day was the port and cheese. That was my contribution to the festivities and I always bought, as a treat, a really good port and some fancy cheeses, chutneys, nuts, and crackers. I’ve done it this year because it reminds us of a happy time. It’s ok to be sad and remember the good times, and also to think about how strong you have been - and that is a success. You have learned and grown, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.

Actually if you are struggling to not contact him ots probbably better to stay and District yourself. Stay strong, you know leaving was the right thing .....

I’m sorry OP :( Christmas and big family get togethers really highlight this sort of thing don’t they?

All I can say is you deserve a big glass of something lovely and just to chill. You’ve left an abusive partner and I can only imagine the kind of year you’ve had. I can totally understand why you feel emotional!

Sending a hug x

I’m crying under a weighted blanket, you’re not alone. Christmas is a really hard time of year, without the grief and heartache of a break up on top of that. Don’t compare this year with last Christmas, if your ex became abusive what would that have looked like this year?

This year may be shit but you have the freedom to put your needs first now instead of also accommodating an abusive man. If you need some time to yourself - take it.

I really don’t have a good reason to be upset but I’ve had enough of the mental (and physical) load of Xmas. It’s been a really tough year with lots of bereavements etc and I really just need time to stop instead of the endless driving hours to family, hoovering, dusting, cooking, making sure we have cards/gifts/food, etc around being on call for work. I just want a lie in and to read a book in a quiet tidy room without a huge mental list of outstanding jobs.

These things always feel much worse at Christmas, there's too much pressure to be jolly,and too many obligations. Grit your teeth, maybe you can have some you time after Christmas, go somewhere you like, eat what you like, have treats for you. Just be kind to yourself. You need to heal.

I felt like this for a long time because my late husband ruined the last Christmas we had as a family with his alcoholic behaviour. The first Christmas after that was hard because of the memories. Now I have a whole new family - it includes a foster son and his fiancee, and my DC are adults and doing well. It really does get better.

I was you in the olden days before mobile phones. I was advised to do what you are doing and write to him and say all the things I wanted to get out. In those days it was on paper and you were told to set fire to the words and let them go. Don't do that to your phone, that would really put the tin lid on Christmas, but maybe find some paper and do what I did. It sounds daft but it helped me. Xxxx

@bloodywhitecat I'm so sorry for your loss

Fucking hating it this year for the first time ever in my life. Just had a very sudden loss in the most horrific circumstances and my partner had a very sudden one yesterday and another today. Trying to keep up spirits for 3 year old but fuck me.

I have no words of wisdom but here’s something to hopefully raise a giggle from those who are having a shit time.
💐 to you all

OP, just try to celebrate the fact that this Christmas you are in SUCH a better position than you were last year. Your family might be annoying but at least they are real and at least they truly care for you. Last Christmas was built on a complete lie and fantasy with a man who really didn't care for you. Last year was much more of a pretence than this one is. Put on a smile and join in- sometimes, pretending to be happy makes it a reality!

This was me 10 years ago. Met my DH six months later. Keep your chin up and keep smiling and make sure 2023 is your year. Sending good wishes 🥰🥰🥰

We are another family, whose Christmas’s will never be the same. Our amazing mum died earlier this year Easter time, after suffering Alzheimer’s. My sister and I cared for her, until the last few months, then we had to put her in a care home.
She made Christmases so special for us all
Also Boxing Day is the day our wonderful dad died a few years ago!
Hope you all find peace and happiness and cherish being with the people you love especially at Christmas time.

It's perfectly OK and normal to grieve for what you thought you had. Be kind to yourself, let yourself feel sad and mourn the end of a relationship.

My Dad's in a hospice, we've got 12 for lunch tomorrow and DH was left to tidy the house this afternoon while I visited Dad.... and instead cleaned his fucking car. I'm feeling absolutely murderous and seriously questioning my marriage tonight. The one time I need some fucking help just for once. BAH HUMBUG to all. Keep smiling, everyone.

@AngelinaFibres your words are balm to a sad & sorry soul.

Christmas can be the cruellest time as we miss loved ones that much more & the hurts inflicted by the cruel & thoughtless may feel raw all over again.

@lookingforafantasy & us all, please take joy & comfort where you may find it tomorrow. The worst of the day will pass.

If all patience & forbearance ebbs away, take your dog for a walk. If you don’t have one, borrow mine. Her special power is that she is invisible…but you can have her for walkies if that helps you out😉.

Seriously, get out of the house for a walk if it becomes too much.

Thinking of everyone!

Trivial compared to some here but we're away with the in laws and my two year old DD has been tantrumming all day and we're just exhausted. Our four year old has been glued to the iPad for days and DH brother is being judgemental about our parenting and his adorable biddable one year old is behaving like the perfect cherub. We went to a bar earlier and our kid was getting all the stares for lying prostrate screaming red faced on the floor. We promptly left only to get criticism from DH bro for leaving the fam on Christmas Eve. Meanwhile his toddler is getting all grandparents attention and help because he's so much more pleasant (don't blame them either - ours is a terror!) They've barely changed a nappy and are completely smug about their superior parenting.

Ahhhh Christmas!!! Felt better for writing that! Counting the days till home..

Had a first date on 23rd Dec two years ago. Spent the past two New Year's Eve's with him. Broke up in September though still in contact most days by text. He's still angry I'd gone on a date a month after when he was giving me the silent treatment, so reconciliation isn't looking likely right now.

Cried for hours a few days ago. Not bothering to celebrate Christmas this year and if I don't meet him on NYE, will probably go to bed early.

It's not that I'm happy that some of you are suffering too (I promise I'm not!) but it is so nice to read some stories of people who are also feeling shitty. It's so easy at this time of the year to think that everyone else has the perfect family life!

I wonder where I'll be this time next year? Will I have met someone? Will I be over my ex? Will I be any closer to my dream of having a baby? Who knows. But just need to finish off this dreadful, dreadful year first.

So much love to you all. X

Similar to me @KangarooKenny . The third Christmas without my dad and the second without my partner - both lost to covid😢
It's just a day to get through, but we will stay strong for others and carry on.
We're definitely not alone.

Op sending you lots of strength. It's a good idea to write it all down. I did exactly the same.
I cried in the street today when I bumped into an old neighbour who didn't know my exh had left. This happened 3 years ago, and I am normally fine; its ancient history mostly, but finding this Christmas Eve incredibly lonely as the DC are with him and he left me at Xmas.
I am in the very early days with a new man but I feel so insecure (given the time of year) which is also making me feel worse, rather than better.
Sending you hugs. Christmas is hard. Enjoy your pjs. Onwards and upwards for the new year.