Christmas tears and fucking festivities

[lookingforafantasy]

Is there anyone else who is just wanting it to be over? My family are sat in the kitchen playing games and I am sat in the lounge quietly sobbing to myself, wishing it was Boxing Day already. This time last year I was on an amazing holiday with the person I thought I'd marry, I'm now just coming out the other end of a painful/abusive breakup with this man. On top of that, my sister has upset me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to pretend I'm feeling festive. I don't want to have to pretend that my heart isn't aching. I don't want to pretend that my sister hasn't upset me. I don't want to pretend I'm okay ffs.

This is a terribly morbid thread, I know, but is anyone else's day feeling a similar way?

I'm so sorry to hear everyone is struggling.

I came on to complain that my usually lovely MIL won't give me an inch of room to cook anything, even though I've been specifically asked to cook cos she can't manage it.

But really - as long as I don't accidentally chuck the Yorkshire pudding fat over her because she's right behind me the whole time, I've got nothing to whinge about.

stop trying to hold on to a fantasy and come back to reality where there is a new year and time to find yourself again.

I'm with you. Christmas always makes me miserable. Really struggle with mental health & suicidal thoughts this time of year.

Tomorrow will be our second Christmas without my Dad, who died just over 18 months ago.

My elderly mother is currently very ill and will be spending this Christmas in hospital.

I'm currently trying to keep it together, and I will do for DH and our DDs (all in their twenties now), but it isn't easy. Bah fucking humbug!! I'm currently sitting on my own in the kitchen, as the slightest thing is grating on me at the moment and I must try hard not to turn snappy.

I'll do some snack food to go out on the table for everyone soon and then it will definitely be wine o'clock in this house.

Everything you feel is normal. Pull a sickie for a few days. Give yourself time to grieve and process what's happened. You've done the hardest part by getting out. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but your future is going to be the better for what you've achieved. Get the counselling and start to appreciate yourself. New year, new beginning. Xx

I am not a fan of this time of year. Outwardly I pretend to love it as I have 2 DC who get very excited but I am usually just an anxious mess.

Everything seems amplified and as a PP said there's so much pressure for that 'perfect day'. It has become far too 'big' and should be toned down. Just my opinion.

Merry Christmas to everyone else just waiting for it to be over

Not sure why such a huge gap in my previous post!

Wow. You're quite the arsehole, aren't you?

Always one ! You don’t have to post you know 🙄

You should take your own advice!

Bloody awful day here. Missing my mum who died in October. Autistic dd10 just had the meltdown from hell as she didn't want to go and meet relatives at the pub even though she was initially excited. Just sat and cried and cried earlier.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP. However, I'm torn between saying be true to yourself and go home until it's all over, or force yourself to stay and put a brave face on. Normally I'd say 'sod other people, do what you want to do', but I'm inclined to think from what you've said, that if you're at home alone and wallowing, you just might be tempted to call him, and quite honestly that's only going to set you back again. So maybe 'faking it until you make it', would be the better choice, and you never know, things might actually look up tomorrow. Whatever you decide, I hope you feel better soon, as life is short, and it's a shame to waste it thinking about what might have been, instead get out there and live it, would be my advice, but then, I'm at the stage where I have more of life behind me, than in front of me now!

Maybe you should take your own advice?

Sending you love OP. You've done the right thing and been so strong to leave, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

I'm recently separated (with him for 25 years) and not feeling remotely festive. If it was just me would spend tomorrow in bed with a tub of Roses and a book but having to put a face on it for DD.

Hope you find some peace and that the new year brings you great things x

You are a grown person. You don't feel festive go home. You don't have to go back tomorrow, you can do whatever you want. Te them you have diarrhoea if you need a pretext

When a relationship ends, you have to grieve it. In your case, it sounds like you're grieving for what could have been.
It doesn't seem like it now but things will get better. I've been where you are and it's fkin hard.
Take some time for yourself to heal.

Yep wish it was over. No plans all Xmas except dog walk with friend today - she forgot. So that’s all my socialisation for the festive season done. Roll on normality

This time two years ago DH had his first chemo session on Christmas Eve.

This time last year he was at home, in a hospital bed on end of life care following a massive stroke which put paid to any further chemo.

This year I am a widow and today, DD and her husband have both tested positive for covid so they are now not able to come today.

I am reminding myself that this year, Christmas Day is just another name for Sunday !

I just mustered up the strength to join them at the table for some buffet food. They're carrying on with playing games now but I'm back to the sofa and feeling teary again. Mum asked if I wanted to play, but I just really don't.

All of your kind words (besides one lovely poster) are really helping me. I guess I just hadn't anticipated how much it would hit me due to it being Christmas and this time last year we were on a once in a lifetime holiday 😢

I've lost count over the years of how many utterly sh*t Christmases I put myself through - childhood disappointments, parental fights and arguments over gambling/housekeeping, my own lying (now ex) partners, abusive (now ex) partners, family fights (some involving bloody, fisticuffs, and the police)....I could go on. I hate the whole damn nonsense of this time of year and the utter myth of the happy family. As I don't have my own kids, it's always highlighted this to me. Every. Bloody. Year.

I now live with a nurse who's almost always working Christmas anyway and often New Year as well and it suits us both perfectly.

We have now found the two weeks before Christmas as the absolute perfect time to go on holiday/celebrate - it's cheaper, it's quieter, you don't have to put up with stupid enforced fun at work with people you don't like, and it means by the time you get to Christmas week itself you're delightfully mellow.

In 48 hours it will all be over and normal life can (more or less) resume. Thank God.

You are mourning the person you thought he was, and the future you hoped you had with him - that is absolutely normal and you have every right to feel the way you do.p, @lookingforafantasy.

The time will come when you move past these feelings, and then you’ll see how amazing and strong you have been, to get away from him - but if you aren’t there yet, that is understandable.

Christmas is built up to be all about happiness, families, love etc etc, which just makes it all the more painful for people like you, who just aren’t feeling any of that. So you do what you need to do, to get through the rest of today and tomorrow, and look forward to Boxing Day.

{{{hugs}}}

Don't plaster on a smile, OP. It's perfectly okay to tell them that Christmas is reminding you of your ex so you're just going to chill out with a book for a while.

My exhusband left me in September 1996. Our children were tiny ( 3 and 2). The first Christmas was very hard.I thought I would die of the pain. But I didn't. I am now sitting by the fire with my second husband . We have been together for 21 years. He is wonderful. I have material wealth but I am also so very loved. My children are adults and I am a granny. I could never have imagined the beautiful life that awaited me when I was in the middle of all the hell. I would never have met my husband and appreciated the life I have now if it wasn't for what happened. Your family love you. You are in a safe place. Take a deep breath, put your phone out of reach and go and join them. 2023 is just around the corner. Who knows what wonderful things await you there. The storm will pass and ,one day in the future, you will look back and think of this time and be glad it happened. All this will pass

Seriously, why don't you go home? It sounds as though you might have a far more enjoyable time than with the enforced jollities or relatives who are upsetting you.