Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas tears and fucking festivities

177 replies

lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 16:38

Is there anyone else who is just wanting it to be over? My family are sat in the kitchen playing games and I am sat in the lounge quietly sobbing to myself, wishing it was Boxing Day already. This time last year I was on an amazing holiday with the person I thought I'd marry, I'm now just coming out the other end of a painful/abusive breakup with this man. On top of that, my sister has upset me.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to pretend I'm feeling festive. I don't want to have to pretend that my heart isn't aching. I don't want to pretend that my sister hasn't upset me. I don't want to pretend I'm okay ffs.

This is a terribly morbid thread, I know, but is anyone else's day feeling a similar way?

OP posts:
jinglebells22 · 24/12/2022 22:31

I'm exhausted and emotional. Run off my feet with two kids and feeling pathetic as I see other people nailing it with 3 or 4. Spent all day cleaning, prepping, last minute shopping/wrapping and had very little time to actually enjoy the day. Dh has been snappy and oldest dc is glued to his phone. Feel like the only one who likes me is the youngest lol.
It's the second Christmas without my dad and I'm feeling that absence a lot more at this time of year.
I'm kind of dreading the mess and the stress of tomorrow. I know im incredibly lucky to have my lovely kids, dh and home. We have food on the table, heating and presents under the tree which is so much more than some people. But I can't shake off this sad feeling. I think I'm pining for christmases gone by, before I had to be the one responsible for making the magic and memories. It's a lot of pressure.
Part of me wishes I could just stay in bed eating cheese and watching tv.

CharlotteRose90 · 24/12/2022 22:33

oh god you aren’t alone. I hate Christmas currently. It’s just another lovely reminder that I don’t have a lovely partner or kids . I hate it. Yes I have my mum and brother so I am lucky but all I’ve ever wanted is my own family to look forward too. Kids can’t happen due to the bastard chemo I had so yeah I’m the grinch this year. Christmas can get lost .

SufferingJet · 24/12/2022 22:34

I was sobbing in the kitchen earlier because my 14 yr old (recently diagnosed ASC daughter) told me she hated me because she was trying to tell me about her health anxiety but I interrupted to say I just needed help to clean the kitchen (after she and her sister had been baking AND I’d spent all day yesterday cleaning the entire house).

Plus, menopause and insomnia… poor kid was pretty alarmed by my reaction. We made up but, my god, was I a mess for a good 20mins!

it’s been a difficult couple of years with her and DH and I have naturally bent over backwards to support her. I just think I’d lost all my coping strategies. 😟

SufferingJet · 24/12/2022 22:35

CharlotteRose90 · 24/12/2022 22:33

oh god you aren’t alone. I hate Christmas currently. It’s just another lovely reminder that I don’t have a lovely partner or kids . I hate it. Yes I have my mum and brother so I am lucky but all I’ve ever wanted is my own family to look forward too. Kids can’t happen due to the bastard chemo I had so yeah I’m the grinch this year. Christmas can get lost .

I’m so sorry to read this. X

lionsandwhales · 24/12/2022 22:36

🌺 to all those missing loved people this Xmas 🎄
Our Dad and DC grandad was taken by Covid early doors, he was active, it was NOT his time. Happened at time when advice was take a painkiller and call if it symptoms worse. Sadly we didn’t then silent suffocation and he didn’t know he was worse, living alone. We stuck by the rules and only dropped food to his door. By the time he was transferred to hospital it was too late. 2 weeks on ventilator and then goodbyes from all us all via a telephone . Funeral of 8 people for special man man worth much more. Through all this , we had to keep positive for the DC. Their friends thought it was a hoot to be off of school. My poor DC were both petrified and so sad. Rotten. and while we have begun to a move on. We feel robbed and sad that is someone very important missing at our Christmas.

Squiff70 · 24/12/2022 22:48

I'm sorry things are so shit for so many.

My 3 year old daughter is seriously ill in hospital. I was terrified we might lose her yesterday but she is improving. It's her baby brother's first Christmas and everything we had planned now isn't happening.

It pales into insignificance when I think how much I just want her to be well. We will do Christmas when she comes home.

MovieQueen12 · 24/12/2022 22:49

I've had some terrible Christmas days and have been where you are. Big flare up all over Christmas of my ulcerative colitis and last year when I had to quit my job just days before Christmas. I can only echo what others have said. Put yourself first and do what you need to do to make it easier.
Personally I always feel down the closer it gets to Christmas. I love end of November up until 20th December but then feel sad and weird after that. Always have done for the past few years. Christmas is built up so much and it's hard when things are tough, it amplifies everything. Very few people will have the perfect Christmas. Avoid social media and just take it as it comes x

Illegally18 · 24/12/2022 22:50

you're not alone OP

8misskitty8 · 24/12/2022 22:57

Another one not feeling it this year. Been struggling.
Lost my grandad a month ago.
Due to covid restrictions he went from being active and knowing everyone to being a shell unable to recognise anyone etc. in a care home.
We lost nana same time of year during first covid lockdown.

Capslocked · 24/12/2022 23:03

@Squiff70 thinking of you and sending good thoughts and wishes to your family. Hope she's back home very soon

Generally sending good thoughts to everyone here. Here's to a new year.

Rainbow1901 · 24/12/2022 23:05

I am so sorry that some of you are feeling so down this Christmas but it is okay to not be okay sometimes. Just because it is Christmas - it is another day.
I have been where some of you are now with controlling ex-h, divorce, moving 300 miles, new job and starting over with a new man all while separated from my children. Even with my 2nd husband we have had some hard times, both of us have had serious health issues, but we have our children and grandchildren - so life always brings rainbows after rain.
OP let your family know that you are struggling and even if you don't want to join in with them or whatever that you are coping by being near them. Try not to cut yourself off because 12 hours from now your mood may lift and you can enjoy a giggle or two with them.
I am a firm believer that you should only look back on the past to remember happy things but you cannot make them happen again however much we want to. Life does not work like that. This year will be different as will next Christmas. Enjoy each day for what it brings to you now and enjoy the little things because they are what make the difference.
Something to remember - when life is too difficult then you live each day - if that is too hard then live each hour, and if that is too difficult then live each minute!!
When you break it down - all of a sudden - you can look back and see how far you have come.

BlueTick · 24/12/2022 23:15

lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 21:50

Ahh guys he's just contacted me 😢 (blocked on everything - did it through an alternative method) x

Don’t contact him. Sly fucker. You can’t move on if he’s in touch and he knows it.

i Had to see a counsellor for around six weeks before I could hold steady and not get back together with an ex. He was an emotional abuser.

Like you I desperately wanted contact to the ease the pain.

But once we were back in touch a different but more insidious pain took over, where he verbally abused me to the point I had zero self esteem.

I thought I was in love but as my counsellor taught me, that wasn’t love. I saw the counsellor for a year and it got me through those early dark days and taught me about boundaries and what love truly is.

Admiration, respect, support, kindness, loyalty to start with.

How much of those do you get from your ex OP?

Stay strong, if you can get some therapy and I do believe you’ve had a lucky escape. Imagine if you’d had three kids with this man. Would you really want him as a dad?

dayslikethese1 · 24/12/2022 23:33

Block him OP, he's messing with your head. You can get through this. Try and focus on your family if you can, let them know if you need some time out.

Kennykenkencat · 25/12/2022 01:03

lookingforafantasy · 24/12/2022 22:15

Thanks guys. He sent a link to a video that basically said "I get jealous when I think of someone else having you, because I don't want someone else to realise how amazing you are and take you away from me" quite obviously so narcissistic, but yet comforting to know he's thinking of me as much as I am him? Totally crazy, right?!

That’s not thinking of you. That says he doesn’t want to lose control of you

beastlyslumber · 25/12/2022 01:22

He's not thinking of you like you are him. He's thinking he can keep you hooked so at any point he can reel you back in and then punish you for breaking up.

Have a look at the website "true love scam". His behaviour is 100% predictable.

Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 25/12/2022 08:06

Merry Christmas everyone. Remember we can use this thread today if we need it xx

OP posts:
CoffeeLover90 · 25/12/2022 09:18

We've got up, opened presents and ate chocolate for breakfast. Very nice. I had a little moment earlier, where I remembered how last Christmas was spent, I felt the fear, helplessness, shame...
Currently shaking those feelings away, watching little one playing with his new toys and telling myself last year will never happen again.

Comedycook · 25/12/2022 10:51

Well I had a row with my DH after he told me his mother is coming. She is a cold hearted woman and the relative I've just lost was the complete opposite. Merry fucking Christmas

Grapewrath · 25/12/2022 10:58

i hate it for several reasons and mostly my selfish fucking family.
I’ll be painting on a smile for my youngest and gritting my teeth until it’s over. I don’t know what’s going to change but I know I’m not doing this again next year.

Member869894 · 25/12/2022 11:20

I'm missing my lovely mum who died over a year ago. She always made everything alright somehow. Today I'd planned to drive from Cornwall to London with my two dc, leaving at 6am, to stay fro a couple of days with my lovely brother. Teenage dd is refusing to come out of her bedroom saying shes too anxious. Im torn betwen wanting to slap/ hug her in equal measure. It's 11.16 and we've not even left yet.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/12/2022 12:05

Wishing you all a peaceful day, and sending you lots of love and hugs.

Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 25/12/2022 14:26

Member869894 · 25/12/2022 11:20

I'm missing my lovely mum who died over a year ago. She always made everything alright somehow. Today I'd planned to drive from Cornwall to London with my two dc, leaving at 6am, to stay fro a couple of days with my lovely brother. Teenage dd is refusing to come out of her bedroom saying shes too anxious. Im torn betwen wanting to slap/ hug her in equal measure. It's 11.16 and we've not even left yet.

Ahh no, this is stressful as you don't want to spend Christmas Day driving :( can you go tomorrow?

Ps I'm from Cornwall too!

OP posts:
StridTheKiller · 25/12/2022 15:30

DDs face is glued to her new ipad, family have finally deigned to turn up so I've pissed off out on a 3 hour walkvwith the DDog so i can have a cry and think about a friend who recdntly took his own life.
Get out in the fresh air with your headphones and music or podcast on and leave it all behind for a while.
I'm cleansing my house thisvevening as there is so much bad energy.
All the best OP..

Original poster
lookingforafantasy · 25/12/2022 18:28

How have your days been? I ended up having quite enough and leaving. I'm home now and in bed with my cats, a glass of Diet Coke and some Pringles. I'm not going to lie.. I wish there were takeaways open! ☹️ I'm soo emotionally drained. How about you guys? Xxx

OP posts:
morbidd · 25/12/2022 19:25

Currently in an awkward situation where brother in law is mansplaining to his wife that breast is best. She is trying to tell him that she's struggling but he's got the idea it's easy. Partner and mother in law are on her side. He's got so drunk and fallen asleep, that he's not going to be able to help with the night feed now. Totally awkward...