DH sulking about sex on Christmas Eve. Sick of it ! AIBU?

[Mummawantsanotherbaba]

Classic tale

Before children we had good sex life .

Now have a toddler and I am 3
Months pregnant and sex life is lacking .

Since I was pregnant with my first baby , DH complained that we weren’t having enough sex and stared to become stroppy.

Before I was pregnant with number 2 we would have sex at least once every 10 days ( I felt i had too make an effort ) . Since I’ve been pregnant it has been once a month. Which is not lots but I have felt absolutely crappy. I work 27 hours a week and when I am not at work I look after the baby. DH does help around the house .

Today is Christmas Eve and for the third day DH has woken up Miserable and shouting- saying he is not wanting to be in a sexless marriage and I need to make an effort . He says That sex is a choice and I need to make time for him.

Part of me feels bad for him and I know he doesn’t want a sexless marriage . He was married before and this happened. I always said sex was important to me and i would make time for it .

Other part of me is absolutely sick of living with a miserable person who constantly whines like a child about sex.

Each time he Moans it gives me the ick and I go further off wanting sex. I find myself dreading holidays / weekends as i know he will be in a strop as he will say he didn’t get any sex!

I think it is the sulking and moaning which drives me crazy. He never talks like an adult - it is always silent treatment and sulking .

It is hard . Half of me wants empathizes with him. Half of me hates him . It is Christmas Eve and it is now the third day in a row we have argued over sex .

AIBU to be fed up ? Or am I being lazy ?

Gross - YANBU.

He is just making himself wildly unattractive.

He can get to fuck.

You’re 3 months pregnant and have a toddler,of course you don’t want sex all the time. Hormones are all over the place and you’re tired.

Does he have no empathy for that? Sounds like it’s all about him and his needs.

I can see why his attitude is a turn off.
What’s he like overall and do you have a good relationship??

It's Christmas give him a little attention - you can be planning tomorrows lunch and the day in your head, he won't know if you make all the right noises, then you can relax.

(Written tongue in cheek)

He sounds awful

Is there anything less sexy than a grown man acting like this? Jesus.

Sounds like my ex. Key word being ex…

🤮 no wonder you don't want to have sex with him.

Urgh 🤮

@GooseberryCinnamonYogurt
I just don’t think I even gave the energy or want to get in bed with him and kiss and then run through the motions !!!!! I know I should but I can’t even bring myself to lay back and think of Christmas !!!!!

I also note that you say he ‘helps around the house’ so that’s code for he does stuff
reluctantly and half arsed when I tell home what needs to be done.

And also note that he left his first wife for much the same reason and you promised that wouldn’t happen? This is where the problem is OP. Tell us about this arrangement you made - and does he have kids from former relationship? It looks like he has form for this and he’s starting to play you his script.

He doesn't get to make you feel like shit. I'd be preparing to be a single mum in this scenario. You just aren't compatible sexually and that is important in a relationship. It's not the most important thing of course and lots of couples, compromise and make it work but they have to have solid foundations to start. He doesn't mind arguing with you when you are pregnant, knowing the added stress won't do you any favours. This is not a relationship I would want to progress with. Having said that maybe it's time for a sit down honest conversation so you can explain how you feel. See where that gets you. Yanbu.

He ain’t a good ‘un. I think when I was pregnant with DD2 we didn’t have sex for a year. DH didn’t moan about it. There are plenty of things DH does which annoys me but he doesn’t try and coercise (sp?) me into sex.

Wakes up every morning miserable and shouting about wanting more sex???

Why on earth does he think that will have the effect he is hoping for?

Does he think you are a real human or just a sex robot that has malfunctioned?

If your sex life was fine before kids then I find it hard to believe you DH is pulling his weight. I feel like time and time again I see women stop wanting sex because their partner just doesn't step up in the same way as she does when they have kids.

Your lack of sex drive is likely a symptom of a problem, not the actual problem.

FWIW I've never had sex whilst pregnant. It was harsh on my DH but I don't do pregnancy well so my sex drive is non existent whilst pregnant.

I am sick of feeling like ‘ a bad wife ‘ or a ‘laZy wife’.

I’m sick of having an adult shouting at me and not talking to me .

I get DH isn’t happy with the situation but I am not happy either .

I am sick of feeling like I am a failure because DH is essentially so dissatisfied with me !

My ex was like this. Its grim.

Have you told him (bluntly) his behaviour gives you The Ick?

It is quite normal to feel like you do under the circumstances OP. Crazy hormones and exhaustion would be enough, but a stroppy grown man seals the deal.

He’s treating you like a defective sex doll not a human person - he doesn’t respect you at all

Get yourself a divorce for Christmas

Guaranteed to get you in the mood, a grown man whining and sulking….no you’re not being lazy you’re exhausted and fed up with him, and no wonder!

My ex was like this after the DC were born…and it destroyed any respect and feelings I had for him, I couldn’t even be bothered to fake interest in the end.

Tell him to sort himself out, and that you don’t want to hear any more about it until you decide to make a move on him…if you ever feel like that again that is …

Honestly if my husband behaved like that I would shame the shit out of him. Because it boils down to him wanting to stick his dick into something. Nasty.

Is that what he's saying to you, that you're bad and lazy when you're pregnant with a toddler too? Tell his mother to make an extra bed, she's got an indefinite overnight guest.

At 3 months presen

Urgh that’s gross and off putting. Does he do enough in the house? I think you need to sit down and talk to him and explain his behaviour is childish and grim. Not to mention demanding. That actually it’s putting you off.

@Iwanttoslowdown
And also note that he left his first wife for much the same reason and you promised that wouldn’t happen? This is where the problem is OP. Tell us about this arrangement you made - and does he have kids from former relationship? It looks like he has form for this and he’s starting to play you his script.

DH and first partner broke up as they drifted from no sex to separate bedrooms and stayed together for the kids . They lived as friends in the end ( well not very friendly friends!) for about 5 years . DH has 2 children both teenagers.
I said id always want an intimate relationship with my partner ( maybe I was naive !) but I think having someone constantly moan about sex makes you become tense and nervous and the natural pattern goes . So I believe if DH didn’t moan on we would have always had sex and it would have been enjoyable but because of his demands and lectures and him complaining I’ve totally gone off it .
I fear he is now playing the victim again and maybe I am being read the same script .

what I find sad is that I believe - if DH wasn’t such a moany arse- our problems wouldn’t have arisen . I was back having sex 6 weeks after DS was born ! Once a week/ Every 10
days. It wasn’t swinging from the ceiling but it was sex . Other people would say that’s ample. But DH makes me feel I’m useless! Makes me feel sad .