DH sulking about sex on Christmas Eve. Sick of it ! AIBU?

[Mummawantsanotherbaba]

Classic tale

Before children we had good sex life .

Now have a toddler and I am 3
Months pregnant and sex life is lacking .

Since I was pregnant with my first baby , DH complained that we weren’t having enough sex and stared to become stroppy.

Before I was pregnant with number 2 we would have sex at least once every 10 days ( I felt i had too make an effort ) . Since I’ve been pregnant it has been once a month. Which is not lots but I have felt absolutely crappy. I work 27 hours a week and when I am not at work I look after the baby. DH does help around the house .

Today is Christmas Eve and for the third day DH has woken up Miserable and shouting- saying he is not wanting to be in a sexless marriage and I need to make an effort . He says That sex is a choice and I need to make time for him.

Part of me feels bad for him and I know he doesn’t want a sexless marriage . He was married before and this happened. I always said sex was important to me and i would make time for it .

Other part of me is absolutely sick of living with a miserable person who constantly whines like a child about sex.

Each time he Moans it gives me the ick and I go further off wanting sex. I find myself dreading holidays / weekends as i know he will be in a strop as he will say he didn’t get any sex!

I think it is the sulking and moaning which drives me crazy. He never talks like an adult - it is always silent treatment and sulking .

It is hard . Half of me wants empathizes with him. Half of me hates him . It is Christmas Eve and it is now the third day in a row we have argued over sex .

AIBU to be fed up ? Or am I being lazy ?

If this has happened to him twice then perhaps he needs to look to himself as the common factor in both those equations and think about what he might be doing to make this happen, rather than whining and ranting on at you about it?

He sounds gross. Most relationships go through peaks and troughs sexually - young children, illness, aging, hormone fluctuations. There would be nothing less likely to make me have sex with someone than constant pestering, moaning, and nagging about it. You're not there to service him, perhaps he should try to make sex with him more desirable, rather than treating it like his God-given right.

Have you ever been three months pregnant? Do you know that some women are nauseous from the second they wake up to the minute they go to bed? Do you know what it's like to drag yourself around all day clearing up toddler mess in between holding down a job, when the sickness never, ever lifts?

Probably not as you are likely a man.

Abusive bullying moaning sex-pest. Nothing more likely to put you off sex. If you think you can through to him, explain this. Otherwise get rid. And I think that will be your eventual option; get rid of this nasty bully who thinks he has a right to your body.

He can fuck himself. What an arse. Is he thinking this act will get home laid, wanker - literally and figuratively

Well yeah actually 3 months/2nd trimester is when the sickness typically lifts

"Typically" Well if you're lucky, I certainly wasn't.

shouted at and called a frigid bitch and liar and is told she is a shit fucking wife

@Mummawantsanotherbaba Wow OP this is full on verbal abuse. He is abusive and you know you need to leave. x

or get him to leave

So he is the one who hasn't learned from his own past behaviour, he's repeateding it with his new (younger?) wife.
He is the common denominator here.

I couldn't stand that kind of behaviour. It's just such a lack of respect for your personhood.

I would have shagged anything when I was pregnant, I was so horny. My DH thought that would last once the DCs came along. Hollow laugh.

Now he occasionally moans about “physical closeness”, arguing that sometimes when things have been tiring/ tense/ awkward he doesn’t want to “talk it over”, he basically wants a good shag. I kind of see down his road and we compromise a lot of times - I probably have sex more than I’d choose to (and end up getting into the mood eventually), or he has some self/service, or doesn’t bother at all, which means he gets less than he’d choose. Unless you’re lucky enough to have equally matched sex drives in a decades-long marriage, there has to be some element of practical compromise. It’s not doing it when you don’t want to, but it is putting the effort in to make the other person feel wanted in the way they respond to. My personal love language is him doing the housework and telling me how lovely I am. His is shagging. 🤷‍♀️

I hope this OP is ok.

He sounded so abusive and awful.

Poor woman.

I bet his last wife was thrilled to see the back of him.

Nothing is worse than being married to a man child. Sound like he is gaslighting you and making you feel like your the problem when he is the one not being supportive here. Safe yourself