To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

Sounds fine to me. I have a 15 yr old DD and would be fine with this.

It's not responsible and it's not legal

Having a drink with the family as a special Christmas treat is one thing, giving her booze to take to a party is a whole other issue. I think it's massively irresponsible and problematic.

Year 9 is too young for this IMO.

Oooo I dunno.

On the one hand when I was that age my parents bought me similar drinks to have at home at the weekend etc, and I distinctly remember cycling home from my grandparents pissed as a fart after some sherries on a Sunday.

However, they wouldn't have bought me drinks to have AWAY from the house. I think tbh it depends on your DC. How responsible they are and how much you trust them and the people they hang around with.

It's definitely better than sitting in a cemetery with a bottle of frosty jacks like some of my mates did at that age 🤣

I do think 14 is a bit young for being drunk. Particularly as there were no parents to supervise if anything went wrong.

She came home drunk from a party hosted by teenagers?

I agree with your MIL on this.

It’s not something I would do but then I didn’t raise my kids to think that you have to drink to have a good time , or in your words to be joyless and uptight .

I think it’s a bit weird that you think they might become joyless or uptight if they don’t have alcohol at 14.

“I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time.”

This stuck out at me. Do you need to have a drink to have a good time? Do you want your 14 year old to only have had a good time if she’s had a drink?
She’s very young, I would not expect her not to be trying alcohol at this age but I certainly would not be supplying it for an unsupervised party

No. 14 is too young to be getting drunk outside the home with a probably equally drunk 18 year old as the responsible adult!

I don't see much wrong with giving a couple of alcoholic pops to teenagers at home under supervision but giving alcohol to young teenagers at a house party unsupervised, a lot can go wrong there.. sorry I think you were a bit unreasonable.

Honestly? She's 14 and drunk. Does that sound ok? Would she have been able to defend herself against unwanted attention? Stop herself doing something silly? Have been easy to take advantage of?

14 is too young. But you've let her do it, and no doubt will again.

I think your judgement is very questionable. A 14 year old should not be encouraged to drink alcohol, especially when there will be no parental/adult supervision. The friends 18 year sister does not qualify.

if you, your partner and your child are happy with this, then why do you care what the grandparents think? They’re not doing the everyday parenting and the people involved are all happy with the situation, so what’s the problem?

But the sister is 18 which makes her an adult. I don’t mean you must have a drink to have a good time but it certainly helps.

My kids are not this age yet but I have to say despite being a liberal parent who did like partying, I think 14 is just a bit too young. I’d probably be ok with this at 16 but I think any younger is a no. I will be fairly firm with my kids on this one. I don’t want them to be drinking and then be pressured into other things like sex etc. as that was my own experience and not one I’d like to see my kids repeat.

I wouldn’t have been sending 14yo with alcohol to a party with no parents there.

I'm quite relaxed but I think that's too young. Maybe at 16 then I'd think that was fine. How much of each did you give her?

YABU

she’s 14 and an 18 year old sister hardly amounts to adult supervision.

I think it’s fucking tragic that in todays society, not having a drink at a party makes you joyless, uptight and not able to enjoy yourself. What kind of message are you teaching your kid? Get a hold of yourself FFS.
And I’m saying this as a mother of teens who doesn’t have a problem at all with them having an occasional drink. But sending my 14yo to a party where he is supervised by an 18yo with bottles of alcohol?! This must be a wind-up.

2 bottles of Smirnoff ice and one blue WKD. Some other girls also brought drinks so I can’t say whether she had some of theirs.

But an 18 year old is an adult

I'm with your MIL. 14 is not ok to be doing this and I also wouldn't want my children thinking they need alcohol to have a good time.

I didn't say she wasn't an adult, I said she was probably drunk too if the party was in her house with no parents around. And if she's allowing 14 year olds to get drunk in the house, she's not responsible. Which means there was no responsible adult around if anything went wrong.