To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

She might not do it anyway.bot if you not encouragingly or actively giving it her.
14 is too young for me.
And 18 the magic mnet age where they are responsible adults and we no longer see them as anythi g other than responsible for themselves.
Was this a part for the younger girls. Or the 18 year old and her younger sister invites your dd.because way would I want my d's going to a party of 18 year olds!

I find this quite sad. Not that she's drinking per se, but that you're bringing her up to think that not drinking would make ehr "joyless and uptight". What an awful and unhealthy attitude to pass on to a child.

I wouldn't be supplying "a few" alcopops at that age. In fact, when we were camping last year I bought a fruit cider for DC to share. They were 14 and 16 at the time. They didn't want it. It's still in the fridge!
DC1 is 18 now. He's very responsible and mature. But like fuck would I leave him in charge of a load of teens. Especially with booze involved.

I was a responsible teenager from a "nice family", as were all my friends. I still got blotto (on WKD and Smirnoff Ice) and ended up being raped by another "nice, responsible" boy that I knew well. Actually at a house party that was "supervised" by an older sibling. Never told my mum or reported it. Another occasion some friends of another friend's older sibling turned up at a house party with hard drugs and, being 15 and drunk, I thought it would be fun to partake. It wasn't fun and I was really sick and vulnerable. I know for a fact that my mum and everyone who knew me would never in a million years think I'd do something like that.

My mum was very liberal about alcohol (weirdly at odds with a lot of her other parenting) and I definitely saw the fact that she bought me some alcohol as a green light to push the boundaries and drink as much as I wanted.

I'm not sure how I'll play this with my kids when they're at that age. I'm not naturally a strict parent and I'm not stupid enough to think that kids just won't drink if their parents don't buy them alcohol. But I certainly won't be actually providing it and being directly responsible for the consequences. It's also illegal.

I am teetotal as an adult and don't think I'm uptight or joyless. I just don't need or want alcohol in order to have fun 🤷‍♀️ Also I get horrendous hangovers that are literally never, ever worth it.

Hmm I can’t say I would be happy to do this. I know teens will do it off their own backs, I sure did but I certainly wouldn’t provide the drink. I don’t agree that kids who are allowed drink young will be more street smart later on and not get completely drunk in night clubs either. I was drinking from young as were my friends and the majority got worse for it as they got older rather than more responsible. Now we all have kids everyone has settled down but being allowed drink didn’t really make a big difference to my group. I think kids nowadays are also a totally different generation now and many actually don’t drink till later than my generation did🤷🏼‍♀️

Yanbu I wouldn't want my 14 Yr old to be the only one not to have a couple of wkds at a party, its such an awkward age. God knows I was doing a lot worse at her age and to have an open and responsible parent is something she will be grateful for

I can't imagine sending my almost 15 year old DS out with alcohol! It's one thing to have it at home (although he's never wanted to try it, we have offered a small glass of bubbly at birthdays, etc) but assuming others have brought it too, there's no knowing how much they'll end up having. Too young, imo.

As a parent I couldn't send my 14yo off with alcohol to a party, but on the other hand I don't think a 14yo having a couple of alcopops is a big deal - but only if I was there to keep an eye on her.

An 18 year old being at the party would be no reassurance to me. 18 year olds can still be highly irresponsible whether they're at uni or not. Heck, it's taken me till my 40s to not want to get pissed on a big night out.

However, thinking back to when I was a teenager, I was getting blottoed on pure vodka in parks when I was 13. Part of the allure was doing it BECAUSE it wasn't allowed/doing something my parents didn't know and wouldn't have approved of, and trying to cram as much drinking into the time I was allowed out till. So by taking that element of "this is forbidden" away for your daughter, there's no rebellion for her partake in and she may not go as overboard, possibly - you just don't know though, and you wouldn't be there to curtail it, to stop her drinking too much. So, in that respect YABU.

If you didn’t buy them, then she’d have got some via someone else - and at least it wasn’t a 2l bottle of cider like we used to buy 😂

Too young. It’s not the 90s and decent parents aren’t buying their year 9 kids alcohol. I did it, started at 14, shit parents, I got in risky situations. I want better for my children.

My son tried small amounts of alcohol from about 14/15 AT HOME occasionally. After GCSEs, aged 16, there were parties with alcohol. There’s a huge difference between 14 and 16. He was sensible, knew when to stop and knew he could call us if ever he or his friends had too much. We never got the call. Still haven’t and he’s 20.

My daughter is in year 9 and isn’t interested at all. She’s focused on school, has a good group of friends and certainly isn’t ‘joyless’. What a strange attitude. The parenting of the 90s where this was ok and children were feral isn’t something to encourage.

Super clever of you to bring it all forward so that she’s dealing with it all at 14 instead of 18, and at an unsupervised (except for one 18 year old) party.

I cannot believe that any parent thinks they are preparing their fourteen year old for the big wide world by allowing them to get pissed at a party 'supervised' by an 18 year old, but OK. As long as she is as cool as her mates and you are a cool mum, then what harm, eh? But actually, there are lots of good reasons not to let children get drunk. The NHS spells it out better than me.
www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/should-my-child-drink-alcohol/

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/should-my-child-drink-alcohol/

I completely agree. I am embarrassed by some of the booze-fueled antics I got up to at that age, not encouraging my 14 year old to follow the same path! Something's a bit messed up when you're giving a 14 year old that drinking "helps" you have fun. I think you're way off base here, OP.

Didn't do YOU any harm. I was raped and sexually assaulted at that age and alcohol played a massive part.

Never in a million years would I put my CHILD in that position. Age limit for a reason.

0.0001%...get a grip of yourself.

You are barking mad. She's not your friend, she's your daughter. Providing a 14 year old with any alcohol is moronic

Say no.
Always.
Never say yes to underage drinking.
Just because you were doing worse at her age, doesn’t make it right.
There brains are still developing until 25.

How irresponsible OP. You should see the amount of drunk teenagers that get brought into us at A&E because parents like you allow it.
It illegal, whether you think she is sensible or not is irrelevant, I hope she is ok.

A little too young, my DD is 16 & it’s only in the last 6 months would we let her take alcohol to a party. Prior to this she has occasionally had a drink at home, such as a fruit cider or glass of Prosecco.

Well said, if she'd ends up drunk that's ok then because at least she is not uptight.

She came home, would be worse if you were like your MIL and she was too scared to come home, that’s where the problems start. She would have got booze elsewhere if you didn’t provide it and that could end up with bottles of vodka etc. it was a house party not drinking in a park etc. maybe have a word about boundaries of enjoyment versus toxificstion/vulnerability

I agree. Especially as it was an unsupervised party. Still OP wants to be seen as the cool parent right? How sad.

I have a 13 year old and I can't imagine sending him to a party with alcohol in a year's time. Certainly it will never be alcopops.

OP, I'm surprised you're not clear what the other kids brought and that you send quite so much (at least 3 - that's about 5 units of alcohol - would you have been happy with her having two pints?). I can vaguely understand sending 1 of something weak (that tastes like alcohol!) if she was pulling the 'i'll be the only one' card, but I'd have checked with other parents if that were true as well. What did she ask for?

It's shit parenting.
Way too much interest in being the 'cool' parent than being an actual responsible one 🤷‍♀️

You’ve let your daughter down massively. As her mother you’re supposed to be keeping her safe not exposing her to potential harm.