To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

OP you are just so cool 😎.

Nothing else, such as minor details such as parenting or the effects of alcohol on development of teen brains matters.

@Wfhandbored there's a difference between being open with your kids, being aware of (and prepared for) what they might do, and actually promoting and facilitating risky behaviour. We should be one step ahead of our kids, anticipating behaviour and managing it accordingly. Not behind them, pushing them forwards into premature adulthood .

But what will happen in a few years time when your DS goes clubbing or to rough pubs, which are often filled with all kinds of unsavoury characters.

There is a huge difference between offering my 14yo ds one glass of wine or beer as part of a meal, at home where I can keep an eye on him and there is no peer pressure, and sending a teen to a party with a stash, where there are no responsible adults, and other kids will drink without restraint or their parents knowledge.

I grew up in a pub (literally) and by 18 I had tried various drinks, knew how to deal with alcohol (and had seen enough drunks to know better).

Drinking at 14 raises the risk of assault and being vulnerable to all sorts of things, it increases risk to mental health and suicidal thoughts.

It happens though, 14 years old drink alcohol. But their safe space should be their home, which should not be a place to learn to handle alcohol (are you fucking stupid?) but as a place to talk about it. and learn how to handle life. If you had a child knowing that you would willingly buy them alcohol just 14 years later then you are a shit parent. You don't know what the word means.

Slippery slope. Let them rebel, but don't normalise or enable kids getting pissed. Most British kids have done it, but we all knew it was wrong and would get a bollocking for it. Let's keep it that way.

Quite. I totally agree with you also as the parent of a teen. You don’t even know how your dd or her friends could react to alcohol. Some people are allergic to alcohol and can have adverse reactions. Children drinking should always be supervised by a mature adult and ideally that would be their parent / guardian, not an 18 year old, who will have limited knowledge of drinking. My dd is year 10 and no way would I be sending her with alcohol to a party. I’d also have a dim view if the parents offered.

Yes, I was drinking at this age. I’d also thrown up after downing spirits. I was even going down the pub at 14 from time to time and being served. But I want better for my child. And better means protecting her until she is more mature.

I'd be fine with this.

Whoa!

@Sarahcoggles christ she's not sending her off with a big bottle of whiskey and a bag of pills is she. A couple of alcopops, knowing her location and her teen coming home having had a good time isn't this awful scenario people are painting. She was aware of where she was, what she had and she came home and hasn't lied about it. For me that's all a big win for honesty and trust with a teenager. Teens go through an awful lot and pretending to ourselves that they won't do things anyway if we create unyielding rules for them surrounding alcohol or parties or boys etc is just green to me. They'll do them and they'll be much less safe if they have parents who they can't talk to about it. Just my opinion, but my home is a completely open forum. Of course we have rules and things can only go so far. But we find that because we're open, things don't get pushed anyway.

I believe this post only because my parents were these people and gave me alcohol at aged 14 for house parties without adult supervision

Exactly my experience at 14 but it was siblings friends. One of them, who was about 17 at the time pulled me into the bathroom with him and locked the door - a bolt rather than key turn. I had to talk him down from having sex with me aka raping me. Properly scary. Other girls will have had worse experiences than this.

I'd be worried that my daughter would be more at risk of being sexually assaulted if she was at a party where there were drunk teenagers. It's just too risky.

Oh so now your DD was completely pissed. So not just a bit drunk? And you don’t care that an 18 year old had no choice but to look after your out of control daughter. Very lazy and irresponsible parenting.

OP, does your dd use birth control? Because alcohol is a very fast way of losing inhibitions.

You seem to think that 14 is the same as 18, but getting pregnant at 14 is very, very different to getting pregnant at 18.

I would also like to challenge your sad belief that a person who doesn't drink is joyless and uptight.

What the actual fuck?
At 14 it's a disgrace you let.your CHILD go to a party with alcohol. Why are you enabling this behaviour?
A bunch of underage teenagers drinking, that always ends well doesn't it.
Shit parent, you should be ashamed of yourself.

My parents let me have a couple of Smirnoff Ices for parties hosted by the late teens sisters of my best friend when I was the same age as your daughter and I turned out great.

Drinking alcopops at house parties when you’re 14 is a great British tradition 😀

Very odd to teach your 14yo that you need alcohol to have a good time.
I very rarely ever drink - does that mean I dont know how to have a good time?

In contrast, my year 10 dd went to a house party a few months ago and one of the boys snuck a glass of alcohol. They passed it round and all had a sip… Dd was very open about the fact she had participated.

There were serious noises made several years ago (the late 90s maybe) about how alcopops encouraged underage drinking and sales plummeted. They’ve regained popularity more recently and nothing very much seems to have been done about it. Bizarre when so much more is known about the long term effects and short term side effects are know.

Idk if you have teens but like hell am I going to buy alcopops for my 14 yo. She asked a few months ago and was told absolutely not. ‘Cool’ sweet alcoholic crap aimed at kids should be banned.

Mine were the same and had no problem with me having alcohol at this age. They were confident this was the best way to make sure I had a healthy relationship with alcohol though so wouldn’t have started a thread on it!

I think this is appalling. I picked my 14 year to from a party last night where the children (they are children) age having a great time singing karaoke with no need for alcohol. I would be very upset if my dd was being exposed to alcohol and all that goes along with it at parties at this age.

I'm sure that a child who is brought up without being given alcohol at 14, from a parent who thinks it is necessary to have fun, will have a much more responsible attitude when confronted with challenging situations later on. Hopefully they won't feel under pressure to drink etc to be cool and fun 🙄

What a great British tradition. I am sure ambulance crew and A&E staff agree.😀

Namechagaiiin, I had to laugh at you and friends sitting in the cemetery getting drunk. My son and his friends used to sit behind the church on Blackheath doing the same.

Mine had a fifteenth birthday party, we were here. Loads of people came including some 14 year old girls who went to a nearby girls' school. They used to go around with them (still good friends donkey's years later). A couple of the girls' dads drove them over, and collected them just after midnight.

We had provided food, soft drinks and some beer, I also made a fairly benign, decorative punch.

The girls brought vodka which they'd nicked from their parents and had hidden in their bags and coats! Vodka went in the punch and down their throats. One of them wandered out into our garden and fell asleep on the ground. I was almost frantic but she got up, said she'd just felt a bit tired, went back into the house and carried on dancing.

Hardly anyone touched the food. The party was noisy and verging on riotous in a good humoured way.

They were always getting drunk, especially the girls.

They are now all respectable forty-somethings, no harm done.

Your girl will be all right, op. You are right not to make a big issue out of what is normal teenage behaviour.

Irresponsible, illegal and terrible parenting. I just spent the night a few days ago looking after a 16 year old whose parents sent her to a party that my Dd was at with 3 drinks. She drank her drinks, lost inhibitions and drank someone else’s too. Apparently usually a very sensible girl. She was very, very sick and had no control over decision making. I only found out because my DD called me to come and help.

Your defensive responses prove you 100% believe you did the right thing so why ask for anyone else's opinion? 99% don't agree and that should tell you something

20 years ago it was the norm for pritty much every 14 year old plus to go out and have a few drinks, we were in the clubs at 15/16 onwards, never did us any harm, as long as they aren't paraletic and only had a few, I wouldn't have a problem, obviously there are odd cases which make it to the news and the snowflake culture of today go ballistic, but that prob equates to like 0.001% of kids who go out and have a few and something bad happens.