To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

I doubt many 18 year old students back from uni would be getting drunk with their 14 year old little sisters. DD didn’t say but I highly doubt the sister did drink.

I think it’s really irresponsible.
Not every child has a good reaction to alcohol.
I had to get medical help at an event for a child who spent days in a children’s hospital with alcohol poisoning.
It’s not a good idea at all to give kids booze to take to a party .

That’s why I said “hardly amounts to adult supervision”. You’re kidding yourself on if you think this is responsible parenting.

OP, your saying an 18 year old is an adult which is fair enough but I wouldn't exactly say they are responsible enough to wrangle and supervise 20 14 year olds and what if the 18 year old also had friends over that may have taken advantage of drunk 14 year olds??? It's completely irresponsible and the more you reply, the more I think this is a wind up.

How many 14yos will listen to their 18yo sibling with all their mates there, and then throw alcohol into the mix

18 year olds very rarely act like adults.
Especially at parties with alcohol or when encouraging their youngster siblings and their friends to drink.
come back in 4 years and tell how your DD miraculously became a responsible adult overnight

Exactly. And with no responsible adult there if someone took ill

Hopefully this IS a wind-up.
No responsible person would buy booze for 14 yr olds.

I’m with your MIL, 14 is too young in my book. You’ve also been grossly unfair to the 18 year old by making her responsible for your drunk 14 year old. There’s always 1 parent in every friendship group who makes life difficult for the other parents with this attitude, and you’re it

I have a 13 year old ds and I can't imagine In 6 months time supplying him with alcohol to an unsupervised party.
I actually think you are putting her in a very vulnerable position.
What if the sister had older boys over and they took advantage.
.assibely irresponsible imo.

TBH I think it’s fine. I did stuff like this except behind my mum’s back because she’d have gone absolutely ballistic had she found out I did so much as spoke to a member of the opposite sex let alone drink with them. I wonder how many perfect parents on this thread have teenagers lying through their teeth to them

DD wasn’t the only girl there. Nor was she the only one who brought drinks so I imagine the other parents must also have been alright with it. I’m not going to deny DD the same quality of life I had because I did drink and go out with my friends at that age, some might judge but I did.

I remember drinking on the park age 14 and one girl getting too far gone, the boys we were with getting groped and bottling it and ringing my mum.
My parents were pretty permissive with alcohol during my teens and I wouldn’t do the same for my daughter.
I had a terrible relationship with alcohol throughout my twenties- the seeds of which were sown by binge drinking as a teen and thinking it was the only way to be social and have fun.
I now in my thirties and would drink a nice red with a meal but generally actively choose 0% alternatives.

This!!

The law says she’s old enough to get married, join the army, sign a contract, have sex at 18. Also, it depends on how you’ve been raised as to how mature you are by 18. This particular 18 year old has always been given responsibility and trusted by her parents and is now away at university (living independently) studying for her future.

It was at a Show.
The child had been shut in a rest room to “ Sober up” on their own by the other kids.
Luckily one of the kids told me-
The child was vomiting and comatose

Luckily St John’s Ambulance was at the showground. They took the child straight to the children’s hospital.

I think your judgement is very questionable.

^^This. Your comments about alcohol and having a good time are very telling about how you have viewed alcohol in your own life. Who needs a 14yr who acts like a 17yr old? How could it possibly benefit your or your daughter in any way?

I agree.

So is my DS but that doesn’t mean he should be solely responsible for a group of drunk 14 year olds!

14 is way too young to be drinking. It's not just about maturity it's more about what a CHILDS liver can handle. You actually risk damaging her liver, a 14 year old liver can't process alcohol the way a fully mature liver can. Do some research

This.

Stop encouraging your dd to live like you did. Many current teens don't drink like we used to. I cannot imagine why you would do this.

I have a 14yo year 10 and if any of his friends brought drink into the house, they wouldn't be welcome in future.

If you genuinely thought you did nothing wrong you would not be on here trying to convince us

I think your intentions were good and I could imagine wanting to do the same. Maybe 14 is a little young (I know it was very normal when I was that age!). If there was booze there she might've had some anyway. You don't want her drunk when she's out and less able to know what's going on. We all make mistakes.

DD went out and had a fun time with her friends I genuinely don’t see the issue with her drinking. I did it at that age and clearly so did her peers. Smirnoff ice and WKD are hardly hard liquor and they were meant to be shared around. Personally, I would rather DD make a lot of the stupid mistakes now when she’s just in her mates house and still has me on hand. I have seen only too well how well-meaning but over protective parents have ended up doing their DC a great disservice by letting them learn about alcohol and their limits when they start going to nightclubs which are far more risky.

^ Every word of this