To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

I suspect the 18 year old wanted to host a party for her own friends and suggested the 14 year old invite a few friends to keep her out of her hai

This is a wind up. What on earth do you get out of this OP?

I have a 14yo DS and there is no way on this earth I would send him trotting off to a party with alcohol I had bought for him. Believe me, I'm in no way uptight about alcohol, but 14 is too young. I agree with your MIL.

I don’t mean to be rude. But what will happen in a few years time when your DS goes clubbing or to rough pubs, which are often filled with all kinds of unsavoury characters. If he hasn’t got prior experience with alcohol how easy will it be to get carried away and have far too much and potentially be in a far riskier situation. 14 isn’t that young and my DD will be an adult in four years I think I am wise in preparing her for the real world as I honestly don’t see a benefit in sheltering her which in the long run will probably end up being a disservice to her.

Come the fuck on.

This has to be a wind up or a reverse , I hope anyway. Surely no parentbcould be so feckless

I really hope this is a wind-up or reverse, because if you're serious then I despair about your parenting. Your poor daughter.

👏 Spot on.

But she is. Whether MN wants to acknowledge it or not an 18 year old is an adult. The age of majority is 18 and probably always will be.

What’s your point by keep repeating she’s an adult. Yes, in the eyes of the law but not with any real life experience

Well she lives independently at uni. And I don’t pretend that at 18 you know all there is to know. My point is for those who say that there was no adult supervision- there was because the host had her adult sister there.

Why do you assume they will do these things? I've raise 6 to adulthood and only one has ever gone to a club or got drunk (same one). I didn't allow drunkeness in my home, but did allow alcohol when they were older. I gave them guidelines about drinking when old enough (i.e., you can generally handle one standard drink an hour, best with food). I've never made alcohol a big deal but taught moderation. Also that if you have to get drunk or drink to have a good time, it's not a good party in the first place.

I think an 18 year old can be a responsible supervisor (depending on the 18 year old) but I'd be concerned that they wouldn't have the authority with only slightly younger teens that they need.

This has got to be a wind up.
If true, it's massively irresponsible OP. 14 is way too young for getting drunk at a party without parents present. I think perhaps you should focus less on being a cool parent and more on being a sensible parent.
There's nothing clever about allowing your child to get drunk at 14.

If he hasn’t got prior experience with alcohol how easy will it be to get carried away

This idea you’re setting out for us, that what you have described doing is a safe way to give a 14yo girl “prior experience with alcohol”? It’s nonsense, and makes you sound remarkably ignorant.

So the two options here are (1) you’re on the wind-up or (2) you’re dangerously hard of thinking and sanctimonious with it.

Alcohol is piston. It is not good for anyone least of all young and developing brains and bodies. Encouraging it at age 14 is irresponsible

Sounds like you are winding us up OP.
Buying one or maybe two low alcohol drinks is maybe ok but not what you bought.

Loads of young people don't drink and still manage to have fun. It's pretty normal these days.

Piston = poison

One doesn’t need to ram booze down teens throats to “ Prepare them for adulthood”
Why not let them take drugs, too, in that case to “Prepare them” or let them have sex at 14?

A ludicrous argument.

She’s probably have engineered it herself if you hadn’t, so in that sense I couldn’t get excited about it.

But on the other hand it’s really fucking weird you felt the need to facilitate your daughter getting pissed at 14. Why on earth? Not drinking at 14 doesn’t make her uptight, it makes her 14.

I think you are trying to be a cool mum, which is by definition is tragic. Be her mother, don’t be uptight, just don’t lead her into things she may not be ready for. Let her find her own way.

Also listen to people when they tell you an 18 year old is poor adult supervision. 18 year olds are teenagers and by definition self absorbed with tangled brains (the brain does not mature until your 20s). Yes she is technically an adult, but will she have been paying what’s going on at the party any mind? Will she Fuck. The parents are useless BTW.

Anyway, don’t be one of those OPs that asks AIBU and then gets furious when people say yes.

It’s quite common to think that teens need alcohol to prepare themselves for adult drinking. I don’t know how this became such a common viewpoint. It’s been shown that the longer you leave it before drinking, the less likely you are to develop issues with alcohol as an adult.

14 is way too young for alcohol at a party. With Sunday lunch at home, no problem.

The truth is the vast majority of those 18-21 will end up going clubbing or similar at least once. It’s not like DD is 9, she only actually had four more years of being under my control as such. I want her to have street smarts and something about her in future so she doesn’t end up placing herself at abject risk when she does start going out out. The girls house is about a 2 minute walk from mine, I knew the sister was there, the drinks are a low percentage and I trust DD to tell me things. Also, she did have a fun time with her friends which is really what it’s all about.

Im calling troll on this. Surely nobody is that fecking stupid!

Yes 14 year olds do drink at parties etc but to actively encourage/bankroll it??? 🤦

If you hadn't got it for her, she would have got it herself without you knowing. Better to be involved and aware of what she's got than for her to be secretly buying bottles of vodka and you not knowing she's at a party etc... the trust element here for me is the biggest thing.