To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

Just no.

Hmm I did a lot of things when I was younger that I absolutely would not want Dd to do even though at the time it was fun and mostly turned out ok-ish.

Ds has just started having a few drinks with friends occasionally but he's 15 and in his second last year of high school.

Exactly. I think this is the pragmatic approach. In an ideal world, absolutely nobody (adult or child) would drink. Sadly, that is not the reality so I think it’s a sensible approach to give DD some fairly moderate drinks. Also, DD actually had a very fun night which is my main concern.

OP, I think we are taking on board that the 14yo's sister is technically a legal adult, we get that. We truly do. Did you do the same for her when she was 14? Just wondering what sort of experience she has of that scenario.

If someone needs to have a drink to have a good time, they need to get better friends or go to better parties

It's a pity you have such low expectations of a child. DS1 went to parties at 14 and didn't sneakily buy vodka.

She’s not my DD. I have my DD14 who’s an only child. She went to her friends house whose parents are away but was supervised by their sister (18). I have made the point because those claiming there was no adult supervision are simply inaccurate.

I’m not going to deny DD the same quality of life I had because I did drink and go out with my friends at that age, some might judge but I did.

lol at quality of life
And good luck to your daughter

Did you buy her condoms too OP, and tell her how to give a good blowjob? Because she'll be having sex in the next few years and it's good to prepare kids early so they know how to do it.

Did you and the other parents who bought your DCs booze check with the 18 year old that she’d be happy supervising your drunk kids. If not YABVU and irresponsible. You are also being very unreasonable, and sending a really terrible message to your DD, to say that you unless you drink you are joyless and uptight and don’t know how to have a good time!

Whether the 18 yo is an adult or not is irrelevant , did you check with her that it was ok to send alcohol . At 18 I was a student nurse and I’ve always been very confident but I’m not sure I’d have wanted the responsibility of someone else’s potentially drunk 14/15 yr old .

If there is no issue why post?
Massively irresponsible by the way and you have an odd attitude to alcohol.

Why do you keep saying the 18 year old is an adult?
In the eyes of the law, yes they are an adult, but the law and science also recognises that the brain doesn’t truly develop to full maturity until some point in the 20s.
Regardless of that fact, your child is 14, there is no way you should be encouraging this. You keep saying you was drinking at the same age, many of us did, I did, but why are you also being ignorant about this generation? They are not us.
In fact, IME of my teenage children, their peers and lots of other teens of today’s generation, they are much more responsible than previous generations at the same age.

Most of MN agrees YABU, so why are you still trying to justify it?

DD was invited by her friend, whose parents I know. I did not check because I didn’t feel the need. Based on DDs honesty about the fact her parents were away (and I do know the sister is back from university because I’ve seen her about) I doubt she would lie. Also, DD wouldn’t just get completely pissed on her own the other girls must have been drinking also.

You shouldn’t do this. If you supply alcohol to children, you are legally responsible for any consequences. And it’s illegal. Added to which, at 14 (and only just 14 if she’s Y9) her body is still developing and the NHS advises against alcohol for under 15s. If you give her a bit at home with a meal in a years’ time, that’s acceptable. Your mil is right.

Did the 18-year-old agree to take responsibility for the children at her party?

When I was that age, my best friend's older cousin used to throw parties while babysitting. Me and her would end up barricading ourselves in one of the bedrooms because some of the older boys (18-year-olds) would try to get touchy with us after a few drinks. We didn't have the sense to know how to handle that kind of situation. That was even without us drinking.

I have a 14yo (she is Y10 so older than your dd) and I wouldn’t do this.

So your 14 year old was completely pissed? Not a bit drunk? What was it? You have said both in you nonsensical thread?

I’m with your mil , 14 year olds have no possible reason to drink . Let alone at a part with 18 year olds . I can’t believe you actually bought her alcoholic drinks .

Yes.

You didn’t answer the question

@Sarahcoggles no judgement here, it's what I and a lot of my friends were up to at 14 so I'd personally prefer to learn from that and be more open with my DD than my parents were with me. Teens rebel and do daft things, it's naive to think otherwise.

I was drinking at 14 but anyone could walk in a shop and buy alcohol in those days .. but you buying it is condoning it.

My ds(15- year 11) ) had a couple of drinks at a party the other week.. His mate ended up at a&e.?

We know a lot more about the effects of alcohol on brain development

Your theory on been 18 is just nonsense. That is 4 years of muturity and physiological development.

Your child came home a bit drunk.. she should not be a bit drunk at 14.

You were wrong. You sent her to a party with 18 year old's knowing she would be under the influence and could easily be taken advantage of. You are completely wrong and so are the other girls parents, you are all putting them at risk.

Foolish in my view. A small spritzer at home with a meal when she's 15 or 16 is better than sending her with alcohol to a party. Makes her vulnerable as her judgement is clouded.