To have bought DD (14) some drinks for a party

[Sausagerollsnotturkey]

DD is 14 (year 9) and was invited to a party tonight. There were about 20 people there and I knew a few of them but not all. DD is pretty responsible and I do trust her. The girl’s parents were not there but her older sister (18 was there) as the parents are away on a mini break. I bought DD some drinks - nothing too intense just some Smirnoff ice and WKD. She came home about an hour ago and was a bit drunk. I personally don’t think this is an issue and I was doing far worse at her age. My MIL (staying for Christmas) on the other hand went absolutely ballistic and said how inappropriate this was. I genuinely don’t see the issue of a teenager going to a party and having a bit to drink. I don’t want to raise my kids to be joyless or uptight and I want them to actually have a good time. Aibu?

17% of people who’ve voted agree with her , that’s the worrying thing .

You know drinking isn't mandatory right OP?

I'm also in the too young bracket and without responsible adults around (18 yr old sis imo doesn't count) i would have said no to her going in the first place, esp with the numbers involved (a few mates maybe but this was a full on party).
That said since you allowed her to go, sending her with low alcohol content stuff was probably better than with nothing at all which would have had her drinking whatever was there.

"Street smarts"?

Can't you see you are doing the exact opposite? She has no example or guidance in front of her at all, she is going to grow up without any capacity to make any judgements what so ever - she is EXTREMELY vulnerable now, and will continue to be so - she thinks you have to drink not to be "uptight"!

You want her to "Have something about her"?

This is the something she has about her

A big sign over her head saying "uncontrolled drinker - thinks there is something morally wrong in turning a drink down- no boundaries, no sense of danger, totally oblivious to what she is getting in to"

And at 14! The time when children suffer MOST from loss of judgement! ANd that total failure to be able to make judgement calls is being hard wired into her!

This could mess up her life.

I teach secondary school - hearing anything like this from a year 9 student would immediately place her in the highest possible safe guarding category - because we all know how this is likely to pan out, and we have all seen it.

I've known year 9s living with this sort of non-parenting before - several of them, over the last 30 years. Some recover from this, most dont, and go on to suffer from it constantly for the rest of their lives,

In 10-20 years time, she is likely to hate you for what you did to her

I have a 15 year old. Your post fills me with horror to be honest. To put an 18 year old in charge of this is unforgivable to start with. My 15 year old hasn't tried alcohol and would definately not be going to a part with it. They can have just as much fun without alcohol. I also have adult children, none of them drank at 14 yet they still have a very good understanding of alcohol and its limits. As an above teacher mentioned, your situation would be a huge red flag for schools.

I'm obviously late to the party here (pardon the pun), but among the fucking ridiculous answers I've read, this one takes the proverbial, so far.

As a frontline emergency services worker, I can absolutely refute your 0.001% (or whatever ridiculous number) statistic on alcohol in teenagers being damaging.

I've literally been involved in the resuscitation of tens of children and teenagers who have asphyxiated on their own vomit, gone into respiratory arrest due to alcohol. I've also seen countless sexual assaults on both males and females of the same age where they were unfit to defend themselves, as well as falls from heights resulting in life changing injuries and death. Not to mention your good old run of the mill assaults and stabbings with alcohol involved.

And yes, sometimes the "parents" have thought that elder sibling supervision would be enough to prevent it. Spoiler alert - it wasn't.

No one should be so naive to think that their teenager might not rebel or get caught up in peer pressure, but actively encouraging and enabling it is downright bad parenting. The statistics are also becoming more clear that the longer a teenager waits to start drinking, the less likely they are to develop a problematic relationship with alcohol. Not to mention the fact that brain, liver and kidney function can be severely affected by drinking alcohol at a younger age.

It utterly astounds me that people are so lacking in awareness of these issues, or unwilling to see them. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Great post from someone who really knows what they are talking about. My nurse friends would say the same…

@WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat amen to all of that. Says all that needs to be said really.

I too was a 14 year old going out getting drunk. I now have year 9 sons and I'm horrified at them being allowed to do what I did. I would also be fuming if I sent them to a party where other parents deemed it ok to give them alcohol to share. There's a lot I miss about the 80s/90s - getting in drunken near misses is not one of them.

@BibblesworthTheThird @TheaBrandt , thank you.

I'm honestly not a sanctimonious twat. I also have a 17 & 19yo, as well as much younger children.

I've made many parenting mistakes, and I'll hold my hands up to them.

But I witness, daily, the carnage that is caused by teenagers and alcohol, and it's not pretty. It's distressing and upsetting, and it absolutely should not be encouraged.

I'm a firm advocate of children being allowed to be children.

To send her to a party with alcohol with no adults present to supervise? Terrible idea.

Are you trying to teach her that the only way to have fun is with alcohol? Have you considered how that is going to end?

@WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat I also work in healthcare and I agree 100%. I have posted links to studies which prove that early drinking actually increases the risk of teens engaging in heavy drinking later on but noone wants to hear that due to cognitive dissonance. They spout on about how they were given regular sips of wine at age 8 and arent alcoholics so its ok. By that rationale, I know heavy smokers who havent (yet) got lung cancer- doesnt mean encouraging a few puffs of a cigarette is a good idea at a young age (to take away the "mystique".

If your aim for your child is simply "not to be an alcoholic" then thats a pretty low bar to expect of your child when grown. The idea that giving alcohol as a child means you wont lie to your parents about alcohol as a teen is so ridiculous I cant even entertain it- teens dont want to drink with their parents, they want to drink with their mates which may well involve lying to their parents about getting drunk. No teen will ever say "Hmmm, I'd love to get drunk with my friends who are all drinking but coz I had wine at age 9 I wont do it". On the contrary, if they get some kind of benefit from feeling a bit tipsy, or it increases their social confidence they'll do it even more.

If you're so keen to prepare her early for adult life, why not also encourage her to have sex early too. Next time send her with the smirnoff ice and a pack of condoms.

Mine are 14 and 16 (year 10 & 11) and I wouldn’t do this….

I'm pretty relaxed. My DD is 14 Y9. I wouldn't do this.

I'm a very lenient parent and I got up to no good as a teenager but even for me 14 is too young for this. Massively unhealthy in my view. A drink with family yes why not but drunk at 14 is just a step too far. And quite dangerous. So no I definitely wouldn't encourage my children in that way. It promotes a really bad relationship with alcohol. We really don't need that.