Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ungrateful Tw@ts at Xmas

179 replies

StuffChristmas · 24/12/2022 00:51

Who can beat this for ungrateful Xmas tw@ttery?

I didn't manage to get Xmas cards sent in time, so instead sent a few close relatives last minute gifts, like flowers, bottles of wine etc. The first arrived today and I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received. Instead, my Uncle phoned my Dad to report arrival of said gift. The inference is they are really annoyed about it as they thought they had made it clear no gifts were to be exchanged between our families.

I have tried not to let on how upset I am. I remember now that no gifting had been mentioned, but honestly, why the *@$£ can't they just say thank you??? I don't want /need an Xmas present in return. They have been so kind to me over the years. Why do they have to be like this?

I had thought of dropping round to take it back, suggesting they donate to charity, pour it down the drain.... I don't even know if they will actually mention it to me!

I feel hurt and a bit stupid. Just as I was talking about this to my Dad, my cousin was Whatsapping, so I know they know.... such an unpleasant situation and I was only trying to be nice/kind/festive. I am sure there are plenty of other stories that will beat this. Tell me yours!

OP posts:
Allsnotwell · 24/12/2022 00:54

Well it’s embarrassing getting gifts and handing nothing over in return.
They probably feel frustrated that they had the whole ‘no gifts’ agree and you went against that.

Bottle of champagne due to no cards? Get organised - it’s cheaper.

SnarkyBag · 24/12/2022 00:58

A bottle of champagne instead of a card? That’s madness!

To be honest I can see their point. MIL states only gifts for children every year and then proceeds to present every adult with something expensive. It’s excruciating receiving a gift and having nothing to give back in return.

FiveShelties · 24/12/2022 00:59

I don't think they are ungrateful at all. I would hate to receive a present at the last minute from someone who had agreed no presents.

DuchessDandelion · 24/12/2022 01:01

Of course they're ungrateful but champagne in lieu of cards does seem overkill!

If it were me, I'd be hoping you forgot cards every year!Wink

Glitterybee · 24/12/2022 02:01

sorry op you are the twat, not them!

no gifts was agreed so why did you send one?

Cas112 · 24/12/2022 02:02

Champagne instead of cards? How does that make sense?

ScrabbleRabbler · 24/12/2022 02:29

they are probably just concerned about needing to produce a return gift. Take the pressure off by texting your uncle and saying something kind like ‘ the champagne is more a thankyou for all your support this year. I’ve appreciated xxx and xxx’

Emanresu9 · 24/12/2022 02:34

It’s really embarrassing when someone gives you a gift and you haven’t got them something in return.

Siepie · 24/12/2022 02:58

If there was time to send champagne, surely there was time to send a card? At least one for delivery from Moonpig or similar. Receiving a gift when you have nothing to give back is awkward.

SomethingOriginal2 · 24/12/2022 04:15

Tbh I just received a gift off someone I'd agreed no gifts with. I wasn't actually grateful at all. It's not very nice receiving a gift with nothing to give back.

Sparkletastic · 24/12/2022 04:25

Firmly on the fence with this one. I can see you were trying to do something nice but equally can appreciate why it may not have landed well.

Whatstherecipe · 24/12/2022 04:28

If you would like to direct the champagne to me next year instead, I absolutely promise I will say thank you 😁

Treedecsandtinsel · 24/12/2022 06:20

Honestly OP you tried to do a lovely thing so hopefully they will thank you and move on; it just doesn’t feel nice when you feel so awkward about receiving a present that you can’t reciprocate with.
one of DPs sisters does this every year. There are lots of siblings so they do secret Santa but she insists on buying presents for siblings partners. It’s way to expensive to get into that but she just won’t accept that she’s being awkward not nice!

girlmom21 · 24/12/2022 06:26

A normal thing to do would be to either send the card and stick a 1st class stamp on it and hope it gets there ASAP or text and say "I'm really sorry I left it too late to send cards this year but I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and that we can catch up soon."

Are you trying to prove how wealthy you are?

aintnothinbutagstring · 24/12/2022 06:29

I guess if they are the lovely people you say they are, they now feel very heavily obligated to send a gift back. Sending champagne through a last minute gift service will be quite expensive - you could have sent a card through a courier and it still would have been much cheaper.

devildeepbluesea · 24/12/2022 06:33

Yeah, I think you made a mistake sending champagne in lieu of a card. I’d be quite embarrassed if I hadn’t bought anything for you.
I get you tried to do a nice thing so there’s no need to be upset. Just reiterate that you REALLY don’t expect anything return. I’m

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 24/12/2022 07:01

Oh OP I'm sorry. I can totally see both sides. You just wanted to show a bit of appreciation and didn't want anything in return. They feel blindsided and embarrased that they've recieved a gift and haven't got one in return. I would just swallow your pride call up and explain.

Iamnotausername · 24/12/2022 07:03

Sorry OP, I know you tried to do something nice and have been left feeling hurt.

From their Pov, as others have said, it's embarrassing/stressful to get a gift from someone you'd agreed no gifts with.

They were rude though and should have been more gracious.

I like the pp idea of reframing it as a thank you for your support gift, rather than a Christmas gift. Then it becomes an ad hoc gift rather than one they feel they need to or should have reciprocated. If it's too late for that, can you text them to explain that it was instead of a card and you don't want anything back?

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/12/2022 07:05

Sorry OP but as well meant as it was you have put them in an embarrassing position! I would be annoyed too in their situation!

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/12/2022 07:05

I think you need to apologise and explain their is no need to return the gesture.

AnyMucca · 24/12/2022 07:06

The uncle sounds a bit snide running moaning to your Dad. Why not a quick phone call to you saying, thanks but we said no gifts, we'll save it for when you come round and have a drink together.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 24/12/2022 07:11

So you all agreed no gifts, and you got them a gift? And you're wondering why they're a bit annoyed by that? You want a thank you for agreeing to give no gifts and doing it anyway 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/12/2022 07:14

If someone sent me a surprise bottle of champagne I’d be dead chuffed!

PoseyFlump · 24/12/2022 07:15

Are you sure you didn't plan to create this drama? Your OP makes no sense. If you can get flowers and champagne delivered, you could have delivered cards. Did you put a clear message on the gifts stating you were sorry you ran out of time for cards? Or just a merry Christmas? No one likes a last minute gift. It makes them feel uncomfortable. Your uncle did the right thing by going to his brother to try and figure out why the change. You should have just put cards in the post and blamed the Royal Mail strikes. No one would have been any the wiser.

LadyHarmby · 24/12/2022 07:20

Another one who can’t figure out why it was quicker and less hassle to send champagne than a card