Ungrateful Tw@ts at Xmas

[StuffChristmas]

Who can beat this for ungrateful Xmas tw@ttery?

I didn't manage to get Xmas cards sent in time, so instead sent a few close relatives last minute gifts, like flowers, bottles of wine etc. The first arrived today and I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received. Instead, my Uncle phoned my Dad to report arrival of said gift. The inference is they are really annoyed about it as they thought they had made it clear no gifts were to be exchanged between our families.

I have tried not to let on how upset I am. I remember now that no gifting had been mentioned, but honestly, why the *@$£ can't they just say thank you??? I don't want /need an Xmas present in return. They have been so kind to me over the years. Why do they have to be like this?

I had thought of dropping round to take it back, suggesting they donate to charity, pour it down the drain.... I don't even know if they will actually mention it to me!

I feel hurt and a bit stupid. Just as I was talking about this to my Dad, my cousin was Whatsapping, so I know they know.... such an unpleasant situation and I was only trying to be nice/kind/festive. I am sure there are plenty of other stories that will beat this. Tell me yours!

You should have put a poll on here. It would be 95% YABU!!! You must know that you're being unreasonable @StuffChristmas . You say 'I didn't manage to send Christmas cards, so I will send potentially 15 to 20 pounds worth of gift to each person instead.' And then you cry off because they are complaining that you sent it when you've all agreed: No Gifts

Many people are agreeing not to send gifts anymore because it's getting too much. In some families people keep having more and more children, and then there's cousins and their children, friends and their children, and God knows what else. So lots of people are making a rule to only buy for their own adult children, and grandchildren, and each other.

For you to go and buy gifts for the whole family when you'd all agreed not to, and then complain and make it like you're the victim is a bit of a shitty thing to do. It's not nice to keep continually giving gifts when an agreement has been made NOT to. Because not everybody can afford to give them back. People should really only give him to the 5 or 6 people who are really close to them. You are clearly being very, very unreasonable.

Calling them ungrateful twats says more about you to be honest. You sound entitled, bossy, and rude!

Stop spending others money and taking up their head space.

This is true in my case. People that insist on buying me gifts, it means I have to spend money I don't really have. Because they don't mean it when they say "don't worry about it." It's so stressful.

Yeah, ungrateful bastard!

I was going to sat similar. No point writing it all out again!
So, this. The way you have spoken about them is awful. Ungrateful tears? What an awful thing to say.

You agreed to no gifts. You then send expensive gifts. They must feel embarrassed and awkward and now have pressure to find the money to get you something. You're the shitty person here, not them.

I've had a thank you from them, which was kind of second hand.

Those of you who enjoy easy and clear communication with your families are lucky. I hope you all enjoy a wonderful Christmas Day.

Peace and Love. Xxx

Why would you do that?! It’s unfair of you, and to do so also lacks manners and sense.

Some people have been a little harsh in their responses but i agree and I think their reaction is justified.

I hate receiving a gift if I hadn't bought one for them too, it's awkward and uncomfortable which is silly sure, but it's just how it works. Especially if it had already been said, no gifts. I also agree that sending gifts in absence of cards is a really random you'd have been better off sending no cards or just sending texts or something. Surely if you could send a gift you could send a card.

A thank you however would be expected regardless of the situation.

I agree what you did was a lovely thing. BUT, its really embarrassing when you agree no gifts and someone gives you one at the last moment as you then cannot reciprocate.

If they have people pleasing tendencies or you have the kind of personality where you feel obliged to return favours, it makes you feel like absolute shit when you cant because it threatens your perception of yourself as a "good person". If they've been brought up with this theme throughout childhood it taps in to very primal feelings of not being "nice" which may have been drummed into them by their own families. So, I think this is not about being "ungrateful", I think this is about them being put in a position where they are unable to reciprocate and that causing very uncomfortable feelings in them which is why they've reacted in a way that appears a bit OTT.

I agree what you did was a lovely thing

In what way was it lovely? It’s the opposite of lovely.

You had easy and clear communication; "No gifts."

You're the one who disregarded their feelings and their clear communication and the agreement you made. You're the one who caused the problem and made them all uncomfortable.

Do you actually understand that? Or do you see yourself as the victim?

Those of you who enjoy easy and clear communication with your families are lucky
This is probably how they felt. They thought there had been clear and easy communication that there would be no gifts then you totally undermined that. It's really not them that have screwed this up.

Its not very clever to send gift when no gifts are agreed and than think of the people as ungreatful twats. I would be angry if I was your Uncle, too.

I’m aware this is turning into a bit of a pile on but I’m seriously struggling to comprehend on what planet does anyone think bottles of champagne are reasonable substitutes for a card??

Because her intention wasnt to be an arse, it was to do something nice for someone else. This isnt some big manipulation on the OP's part to try to make them feel bad- like some calculated power play to garner anger. It sounds like she was in a rush, flustered and probably just forgot they said no presents.

This has got to be a troll ... because it's actually quite funny how the OP has breezily brushed off a full five pages of people telling her she's BVU 😄

As a family we agreed, not long ago, to only buy for children. One family member then buys gifts. It's so annoying as it's too near Christmas to be able to get them something. Why can't people just stick to what's been agreed?

Well you made them feel awkward, you promised no gifts then sent a fairly extravagant gift. I think you are very unreasonable and insensitive.
You are in the wrong here, but to then call your family so many choice names, I think you’ve proven that you are also pretty damned rude too.
They are no twats nor are they in the wrong.

It's you that has messed up the communication in the family OP. And it does not seem that you are really listening to what others are saying on this thread. Have you ever been involved in other family 'misunderstandings'? There appears to be little in the way of your own self awareness.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas, it seems you have received thanks and things will be ok.

I think you are right.

I had this recently, passive aggressive contact after a gift sent. Not even close with them but every year without fail they give us gifts but when I respond with something I feel is thoughtful it's perceived as being too much and not welcomed. So I think, well let's not bother as it leaves a bad taste all round when the point is about thoughtfulness and wishing people well.

You've embarrassed them on Christmas Eve by sending a gift and going against the no gifts as agreed.
Yabu

I ask for no Christmas gifts every year.
And then have to pretend to be grateful when people ignore me.

I'm not sure why getting people something they explicitly asked not for is meant to be a nice thing.

eCards are available, or you could have sent cards and accepted that they would just arrive late. Or simply wished them Happy Christmas?

I really wish this idea of people must love gifts regardless would stop. If the giver is getting more pleasure than the recipient, then there's something wrong with it.

That's great OP. That's good manners. If I give a gift thank you is the best gift back. Regift it if you don't like it but don't make me feel bad for thinking of you. You did no wrong. Merry Christmas xx

Classic troll answers. Ignoring the majority. Or maybe there's a massive back story where the OP has had a promotion and she wants to show off to her cousin and uncle by throwing around expensive champagne and flowers. There's only one twat in this story. (Along with the poster who mentioned a food bank 🙄)

I'm sorry to pile on OP but what you did and what a few others are trying to justify, is that it's a 'kind thing' to give a gift. It it only that when a) there is no agreement NOT to gift and b) there is no expectation in return. You failed on both of those.

What you've done is move the goalposts, reneging on an agreement that let everybody dispense with the buying of tat, or at best, things that you wouldn't choose for yourself. It then puts that person in an awkward position which is uncomfortable and spoils any kind of atmosphere. That's what you've 'gifted' them with.

The only graceful way you could have given this gift is to present it to them NOT as anything to do with Christmas, just as a 'thank you'. But that's not what this was about.

Ditto the other poster who has put her family into the position of accepting socks and chocolates - utterly pointless things, not agreed, because they themselves wanted to do that. They've now contacted their family to smooth the way, forcing the family members to accept this nonsense.

No gifts mean no gifts. Adults generally buy what they want/need and if there is an agreement not to do it then you just don't.