Ungrateful Tw@ts at Xmas

[StuffChristmas]

Who can beat this for ungrateful Xmas tw@ttery?

I didn't manage to get Xmas cards sent in time, so instead sent a few close relatives last minute gifts, like flowers, bottles of wine etc. The first arrived today and I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received. Instead, my Uncle phoned my Dad to report arrival of said gift. The inference is they are really annoyed about it as they thought they had made it clear no gifts were to be exchanged between our families.

I have tried not to let on how upset I am. I remember now that no gifting had been mentioned, but honestly, why the *@$£ can't they just say thank you??? I don't want /need an Xmas present in return. They have been so kind to me over the years. Why do they have to be like this?

I had thought of dropping round to take it back, suggesting they donate to charity, pour it down the drain.... I don't even know if they will actually mention it to me!

I feel hurt and a bit stupid. Just as I was talking about this to my Dad, my cousin was Whatsapping, so I know they know.... such an unpleasant situation and I was only trying to be nice/kind/festive. I am sure there are plenty of other stories that will beat this. Tell me yours!

You have just used a family agreement about presents to 'one up' family members. What were you thinking?

Postal strikes don't mean you have to shell out on £30ish replacements for a couple of quids worth of card.

You may have some apologising to do!

You're getting a hard time here because you reneged on the mutual agreement and are now abusing your relatives because they haven't thanked you nicely for that. That's out of order.

Don't castigate them for not showing gratitude for your breaking the agreement; of course they feel too awkward to speak to you about it, can't you see that they would? It's not even a little token thing like festive socks, it's a bottle of champagne. They will feel massively worse about that!

You could do as some posters have suggested and say it's a thank you for all the help and support over the years, that may help smooth things down. Don't say it's in lieu of a Christmas card, you could have sent a card just as easily and they know that as well as everyone else.

So you went against what everyone agreed to make yourself feel good? How very Christmassy of you

It sounds like you enjoy exercising control over your relatives and that everything has to be about you. You couldn't be arsed to arrange a card in time so you decided to break an agreement not to exchange gifts, now you are miffed that the relatives are not delighted.

Try thinking about how they might feel.

What an ungrateful Uncle. Go round and take it off him and pour it down the sink!

Wow.

Dickens should have written A Christmas Carol quite differently for this thread. Scrooge at the beginning is quite right and he is selfish for making that backdated gift to the Charities Collectors at the end, right? Because he did it to make himself loom or feel good or because he didn't want to be a ghost.

Honestly, gratitude should be nothing to be ashamed of. Ingratitude should be.

Bah humbug.

Peeves me too when you try and do the no gift thing, then someone does it anyway. Makes EvERYONE feel bad.

Best thing to try next year, is secret santa for the family, or silly gifts only, ie. cheap and max £5 or £10.

So sorry OP, i’d be upset too and have to rush around and get you something in return. Last thing i want on xmas eve.

Maybe my boundaries are softer than other people on this thread. I can’t think of any reason why I’d be upset at someone buying me champagne! I’ve had friends bring gifts unexpectedly and didn’t have anything for them. I’ve given gifts just because.

No-one in my friends or family group keeps score like this or views others as showing off. We like each other - love each other - so take what’s given in the spirit it’s intended. I know I’m a lone voice but wanted to add a different perspective.

All the people having a go at me on here. I have been surprised by the strength of feeling, but have tried to listen and had a conversation with my siblings.

1. I had told them that I didn't like the no presents for adults rule at the time so it's not a shocker to them.
2. It wasn't the money they just didn't have anything they wanted.
3. I've told them I've got them a token gift and they're not mortally offended or upset with me and I believe them.
4. The socks are widely adored by my family and only sold in my town (that we know of) so will be appreciated.
5. We've agreed to revisit the present giving situation for next year because actually extended family are upset by it. Great Nana in her 80s who is suddenly not buying for her adult grandchildren or being given any gifts, and auntie the same. We need to find a solution everyone is happy with, probably an un-secret santa.

For many, especially me, a gift is an obligation. I don't find getting presents kind or considerate, I find them an inconvenience because now I have to go out and get you something! Even if you SAY you don't want something in return, we all know that isn't the social contract. If you say no presents, then you don't get people presents.

For me, receiving an unsolicited gift is like posting a dog turd through my door and expecting me to smile and be happy about it. Its embarrassing and uncomfortable, don't do it! My family/friends have an agreement with me. if you are buying me something, tell me in advance and for heaven's sake tell me what you want in return. All this useless tat that gets put in the bin on Boxing Day isn't helpful.

@Mynameiselvispresley this is more like my situation. Thank you for sharing your perspective. I've not enjoyed the comments on here, but familiar with the ways of mumsnet.

No good deed goes unpunished OP.

Sorry you're experiencing such scrooginess from muppets on here too.

Merry Christmas, don't let it get you down. 💐

Exactly! Thanks!

I think boundaries these days are being disguised as nastiness and unkindness personally....

The world just seems to get colder.

1. So you never wanted to go along with the 'no presents' agreement. You just pretended to agree - that is sneaky and underhand of you. Stand your ground at the time or stick to the agreement
2. They didn't want anything, so why by them something when they explicitly said they didn't want anything
3. What else can they say? You've backed them into a corner.
4. No one 'adores' socks. See No.2 - they didn't want anything, they don't want your socks, they are being polite.
5. Maybe next year you could be considerate enought to stick to any agreement that is reached because you have been unreasonable this year.

I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received

Why were you looking for praise?

Even if you hadn’t had the no gifts policy there is something not quite right in looking for thank yous for gifts you have been given.

Why was it quicker to go out and buy and wrap a present and send it rather than getting a card and sending that. Even moon pig would have been cheaper

@Reluctantadult I’ve just read the thread properly and I can understand why you are upset. Seriously I’d just ignore as you’ve received some plainly nasty comments which I can’t comprehend. Have a merry Christmas!

It's not personal - no one knows you on here, so try not to take it to heart.
You have been presented with an alternative perspective on your actions and you have listened - not meant in a patronising way but that's quite a thing not many are capable of doing. Hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas together.

Have a look at Marin Lewis in gift giving - all you need to know right there!

Stop spending others money and taking up their head space.

That's not the situation OP describes though, is it? She's gone against an agreed decision and been chagrined to find that her relatives are not delighted that she's ignored what was previously agreed, but they are upset by it. Then she goes on the internet to lambast them for it and invite other people to share their stories of ingratitude and creation of bad feeling (for her, she's ignoring their discomfort and focusing solely on how she feels about the consequences of her actions). I'm sure initially she meant well, but it wasn't well thought out.

And the "that's just Mumsnet" is crap. Loads of people do that "MN at its worst", "typical Mumsnet"... There's nothing typical, it's not a hive mind, it's just different people's opinions. Replace Mumsnet with people and there you have it: most people would be upset by this and don't mind saying so.

On the contrary, if we keep buying unwanted gifts for people who have requested no gifts, the world will just get warmer, unfortunately.

Wise words - last year my dd insisted on buying her friends gifts - she spent £50 in total and I asked her what she'd prefer, £50 or all the gifts she received - being practical, not emotional about it - she took my point, she's a student she doesn't have a lot of money - her friends are now no gifts too.

@TheNoodlesIncident i just meant people are more willing to be rude and harsh on an Internet forum than in real life. Like pp's who called me a twat. In real life they'd have probably left that word out. Probably.

I'm on the fence on this one. They have been ungracious (at best) but feel wrong footed by the gift, so....

Can I tell you my own Ungrateful Fucker story? Left a bottle of wine for the Veg Box man. Hung a small knitted stocking from the neck filled with chocolates wrapped to look like brussell sprouts. He's taken the wine, and thrown the stocking and chocolates back in the new veg box, where it has got muddy from the veg, and wet. Better to have thrown them in the bin, or passed them on, (or your equivalent of throwing the champagne down the sink) than been so ungrateful. He won't be getting his wine next year

YABVY.