Ungrateful Tw@ts at Xmas

[StuffChristmas]

Who can beat this for ungrateful Xmas tw@ttery?

I didn't manage to get Xmas cards sent in time, so instead sent a few close relatives last minute gifts, like flowers, bottles of wine etc. The first arrived today and I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received. Instead, my Uncle phoned my Dad to report arrival of said gift. The inference is they are really annoyed about it as they thought they had made it clear no gifts were to be exchanged between our families.

I have tried not to let on how upset I am. I remember now that no gifting had been mentioned, but honestly, why the *@$£ can't they just say thank you??? I don't want /need an Xmas present in return. They have been so kind to me over the years. Why do they have to be like this?

I had thought of dropping round to take it back, suggesting they donate to charity, pour it down the drain.... I don't even know if they will actually mention it to me!

I feel hurt and a bit stupid. Just as I was talking about this to my Dad, my cousin was Whatsapping, so I know they know.... such an unpleasant situation and I was only trying to be nice/kind/festive. I am sure there are plenty of other stories that will beat this. Tell me yours!

Me too!! I'd accept it and be grateful and then invite you round to share it!!

It was a mistake and mistakes happen!! Don't beat yourself up about it!!

But you are not thinking of someone - if they asked you not to buy a gift and you ignored their request - that is only thinking of yourself. When someone says no - maybe you should respect that.

ReluctantAdult.... Those socks! if your family loves them so much, they could ask you to get them for them at any other time of year. Birthday perhaps?

You can bet your bottom dollar that this has been widely talked about without you since your mention of socks and chocolates. To you they are capitulating, because you've left them no way out.

You have forced them into a corner and now the non-gift giving policy has to be revisited. No. It doesn't. The person who 'doesn't want', wins. It has to be that way. You can't make people want to follow what you want to do. You can though make them unhappy and stressed by imposing your will on them. I'm sorry but that is selfish.

Holy moly OP you posted in AIBU and have been told YABU. Yes champagne etc is generous but you’d said no gifts, so they probably feel flustered and a bit pissed off you’ve made them look bad by going back on it. If you can’t handle the heat step out the AIBU kitchen! Merry Christmas to you.

I don't get it OP, sorry. It is frustrating when you agree no gifts and then someone gives one because you've knowingly put the other person in a position where they feel awkward or a bit ashamed as though they should have also been 'generous' and reciprocated- not much of a gift from that perspective is it. It's a drama you've created yourself.

I'd rather the effort had been made to send a card on time and if you have time to dispatch a bottle of wine you can send a card online too. Yes you'd hope a person would be a bit more gracious and offer a thanks even if they weren't happy but equally I'd probably rather my family weren't referring to me as 'tw@ts' on the internet.

Quite a few people pretending they don’t understand what words mean- ‘we agreed no presents, so I bought-‘ no. That’s not what ‘no’ presents mean. A ‘gesture/something to open’ etc. is still a present, and you’ll make the other person feel awkward and try to find something they have to gift you you in return. Of course there’s an expectation of reciprocity.

If no presents have been agreed then it is embarrassing if you get one and didnt give one. You are in the wrong here IMHO. for not sticking to what was agreed.

OP could enjoy clear communication with her relatives if she simply listened to them.

If no presents have been agreed it is a truely unkind gesture to get any kind of gift

It's thoughtless - it's prioritising your feelings over theirs . You show you care by listening to others and respecting their wishes

Find a way to let them know it’s specifically a thank you for all their support so they don’t feel the pressure to reciprocate.
Alternatively, apologies for having given it in error. Say it was meant for someone else and go and fetch it back - if you’re feeling particularly wound up by the whole thing.

I forgot my grandsons cards this year so got them from Moonpig on the 20th and they arrived on the 22nd. If they hadn't received them I would have blamed the postal strike!

Just drop all this bloody present buying its crazy.

Nobody needs all this stuff. See the post about not being able to get rid of stuff for free.
Nothing wrong with thanking people though just tell them or buy them a thank you card.

Maybe but I’m not a child and don’t need someone establishing themselves as part of some family hierarchy tbh.

This. ... ^ .. People doing or buying stuff for you, that you not only did NOT want, but also asked them specifically NOT to do/buy, is not 'kind,' it's irksome, controlling, ignorant, and weirdly passive aggressive. I have had occasions when I need to do something and I am happy to do it myself, and indeed prefer to. Then someone does it FOR me. It fucks me off because they're basically listening to what you say, they know what you want, and they just ignore it and do whatever the fuck they want anyway.

One woman I used to work with, (the manager's P.A,) used to INSIST on making a coffee for everyone, every time she made one for herself. She made one for all 9 of us in the office. EVERY. TIME. You could say 'no thanks Liz, I'm good, I don't want one' and she'd keep saying 'are you sure? I am making the drinks, you may regret it, come on, I don't mind lalalalalalalalala!' 'NO thank you' people would repeat.

Every single time, she STILL made one. We all started to leave it most of the time. Wasted a lot of coffee and milk. I wasn't going to be guzzling 8 coffees a day at work. 3 or 4 was fine for me. It was soooooooo disrespectful; they ask someone what they want, and then do what they fuck they want anyway, and ignore what that person has said. Rude, ignorant, and disrespectful and patronising. Suggesting the person has no mind of their own.

@StuffChristmas WTAF? The communication with your family IS easy and clear. You all agreed no gifts. YOU are the only one making things difficult for everyone else in your family, muddying the waters, and then throwing your toys out your pram when most people tell you you're being unreasonable.

This happened to a friend of mine. She and her boyfriend were both skint so they agreed no presents. He bought her a fabulous dress and she was so upset.

It isn't kind, it's awkward.

Exactly. It's not KIND is it?

My sister in law told me she no longer buys her grown up nephews a Christmas present. Quite right I said, keep it simple.

Yeah I just get them socks and a bottle of wine she said.

Um, that's a present.

Just got back from a friends house. She had exchanged Xmas gifts with a work colleague where a total spend of around £15-£20 was agreed. The gift she received was in the region of £75. She’s now feeling guilty, mortified and just rotten. It’s been playing on her mind for a few days and literally kept her awake at night. You probably meant well but you’ve embarrassed your relatives and I’m not surprised they were angry. People don’t like to be blindsided and upstaged and made to feel awkward.

This.

YWBVU to get expensive gifts like champagne and the added costs of getting them delivered, when your family had all agreed no gifts.

Now, if you are talking "Xmas tw@ttery" , your behaviour is a fine example of it.

To then start a thread complaining about them not being grateful enough to you for putting them in a difficult position is even more twattery from you

God people are fucking ungrateful. If you can’t afford to gift back, that’s a You problem.

Most people gifting do so out of the goodness of their hearts. I love getting gifts but I don’t gift to receive - I genuinely enjoy picking things out for my friends and family that I think they’ll like or appreciate and bonus points if I can see/hear their reaction when they open it!

If they can’t gift back I do not hold it against them, it’s not about that. You can show your appreciation and love in other ways if you can’t afford to gift back.

no it doesn’t mean that, you are choosing to make it mean that.

Lol if you reread the story, OP forgot.

Most people gifting do so out of the goodness of their hearts.

Have a quick peruse of MN threads. Huge numbers of threads from people who are irritated by lack of reciprocation or who don't think the present they've got from x is good enough. Even threads from people who are annoyed that when they said "no gifts" they got no gifts.

God people are fucking ungrateful. If you can’t afford to gift back, that’s a You problem.

Most people gifting do so out of the goodness of their hearts.

Quite a tone shift there.