Ungrateful Tw@ts at Xmas

[StuffChristmas]

Who can beat this for ungrateful Xmas tw@ttery?

I didn't manage to get Xmas cards sent in time, so instead sent a few close relatives last minute gifts, like flowers, bottles of wine etc. The first arrived today and I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received. Instead, my Uncle phoned my Dad to report arrival of said gift. The inference is they are really annoyed about it as they thought they had made it clear no gifts were to be exchanged between our families.

I have tried not to let on how upset I am. I remember now that no gifting had been mentioned, but honestly, why the *@$£ can't they just say thank you??? I don't want /need an Xmas present in return. They have been so kind to me over the years. Why do they have to be like this?

I had thought of dropping round to take it back, suggesting they donate to charity, pour it down the drain.... I don't even know if they will actually mention it to me!

I feel hurt and a bit stupid. Just as I was talking about this to my Dad, my cousin was Whatsapping, so I know they know.... such an unpleasant situation and I was only trying to be nice/kind/festive. I am sure there are plenty of other stories that will beat this. Tell me yours!

But they are backed into a corner now. They have to tell you it's OK. They can't say

'don't give me socks. I don't want socks I want no presents like we agreed'

so they are screwed. They thought they were OK and it was a done deal that there would be no presents. It's Christmas Eve...and now there are presents.

And here's the thing - people have asked for no gifts, then you disrespect their wishes and now they are the ones being insulted called ungrateful twats - you couldn't make it up.😂

It is a bit awkward but i would have still said thank you

I think you are getting a hard time op.
I can see why a gift delivered by courier would get there quicker and on time while a card delivered by royal mail wouldn't ( we've had no post for a week from royal mail but everyrhing sent via evri/ dpd etc has arrived) and I can see why no gifts message didn't register if you don't normally send them and on the spur of the moment you decided to do something kind and send a gift.
Your uncle is being ungracious he should just say thank you and enjoy the champagne! I'd love to receive a surprise gift and would have said thank you and definitely wouldn't have have moaned about it but they may be feeling awkward so you could message and say Hope you enjoy the champagne and make it clear no return gift needed or expected.
But I wouldn't bother next time it is hurtful to do something kind and for it to be thrown back in your face

I've been in this situation where we agreed no gifts and then a present arrived. We had nothing to give in returen as we had agreed no gifts. Some people never listen. Your uncle was frustrated. Just honour the agreement next year.

They have been so kind to me over the years.

And yet here you are, calling them twats. Nice.

A WhatsApp is a suitable alternative to a card, not a bottle of champagne.

I'd be annoyed. Not because I'm ungrateful but I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable and guilty. I'd also feel (maybe unfairly) that this was the intention.

So you tried to do a nice thing, but I can see why it wasn't received like that.

Can't believe these replies! Anyone who phones someone up just to bitch about getting a gift is a knob. Don't bother at all next time.

That's what her Uncle wanted in the first place - she just thought she knew better.

YOU'VE AGREED NO GIFTS SO WHY ARE YOU GIVING GIFTS.

Honestly, it's not kind.

Well yes, that's what everyone else wants her to do, as that's what's being agreed.

People who in her own words have been so nice and helpful to her over the years are now, again in her own words, selfish twats, for not immediately phoning and reporting their gratitude for her making them feel cheap and awkward at not getting her a gift.

Nonsense excuse of not having time to send a card, yeh ok, but has the time to order a variety of gifts and have them delivered.

It's generous but misguided. If your weren't able to send cards, a better substitute would have been a phone call IMO.

If you want "everyone to have something to open", the agreement should be "£5 limit" or "secret santa". I'd feel really awkward in your family's position, I'm afraid. The value of the gift, low or otherwise, is irrelevant.

As for the bottom of champagne...ungrateful twats? Really? As others have said they're upset and embarrassed that they haven't reciprocated...because they thought there was a pact....

When I say don't bother - I mean don't do a card either! It's one thing not to thank the OP, but what sort of oddball uncle phones the Dad just to bitch about receiving a gift from his daughter. They know it's meant well! Weird.

You agreed no gifts and sent them champagne? How strange.

Calling them twats is completely out of order.

YABU

I would be bloody annoyed if I’d agreed no gifts only to get a gift and feel I had to reciprocate.

Also, you can write twat and fuck on here. We are grown ups who can cope with swearing.

Your lack of organisation has put them in an awkward position. The situation is entirely of your doing, well meant or not.
I’d apologise and explain why you did it. They won’t feel so bad if they know you did it to get yourself out of a hole. Hopefully you can all laugh about it.

This is basically it in a nutshell. You meant it as a nice gesture, but you’ve ended up making him feel bad.

You agreed no gifts, you broke the rule and they’re the twats? What are they supposed to do - fawn over you in gratitude for an unwanted gift that hasn’t really had a lot of thought put into it and puts them in an awkward position? And if they don’t you come on here and are mean about them. You’re the one at fault here OP, and it’s a nasty way to talk about your family.

You could have just phoned , aplogised for the lack of a card and told them you were still thinking of them

Is this not her way of establishing her place in the family? You (and the other adults) are all the children’ and she is the adult and thus in charge.

This might just be my in laws

Well I'd say this is a busy day for those people who got champagne. They've got a present to buy now along with whatever they were looking forward to doing.

I'd be fuming if I thought I had everything done and could relax only to find that extra gifts are now due.

It's your communication that is wrong here. You should have put card /message in or texted to say I know we said no presents and that's great i don't expect one but you've been good to me and I wanted to treat you, enjoy
We used to buy for extended family that we only saw couple of times a year and the mental load of planning buying shopping wrapping delivering is crazy. So we agreed no presents, if we go round we will take a hosts gift
They are not ungrateful just uncomfortable

Some people genuinely don’t exchange gifts because they don’t want to, or perhaps they just can’t afford to. I can tell you right now there is nothing “enjoyable” or “bonding” about being made to buy presents when you have no money, even a token gift is unfordable for some people. If the OP had an agreement with the rest of the family not to exchange gifts, why is she then so surprised that she got the response she did?

And why would you encourage her to publicly message her uncle to instruct him on what he should do to reciprocate her gift - by donating to charity? Again, that’s not in the spirit of the agreement! What nonsense! What if he absolutely has no money but the OP is going to make him feel even more shit about it?

So many people go into debt because of wanting a “magical Christmas”. But that’s not the spirit of Christmas at all, and at the moment so many people are counting every penny. We are adults, not children, and it shouldn’t be about getting gifts or having something to open up on Christmas Day. It should be just ok to turn up and relax a bit, and not worry how you will be able to afford that gift! Such nonsense.