Ungrateful Tw@ts at Xmas

[StuffChristmas]

Who can beat this for ungrateful Xmas tw@ttery?

I didn't manage to get Xmas cards sent in time, so instead sent a few close relatives last minute gifts, like flowers, bottles of wine etc. The first arrived today and I was looking forward to hearing that the bottle of champagne had been well received. Instead, my Uncle phoned my Dad to report arrival of said gift. The inference is they are really annoyed about it as they thought they had made it clear no gifts were to be exchanged between our families.

I have tried not to let on how upset I am. I remember now that no gifting had been mentioned, but honestly, why the *@$£ can't they just say thank you??? I don't want /need an Xmas present in return. They have been so kind to me over the years. Why do they have to be like this?

I had thought of dropping round to take it back, suggesting they donate to charity, pour it down the drain.... I don't even know if they will actually mention it to me!

I feel hurt and a bit stupid. Just as I was talking about this to my Dad, my cousin was Whatsapping, so I know they know.... such an unpleasant situation and I was only trying to be nice/kind/festive. I am sure there are plenty of other stories that will beat this. Tell me yours!

Ah op I feel sorry for you and I do think they could have just said thank you. We've agreed no gifts between close family this year and I've got everyone chocs and socks because I would just like everyone to have something to open. It seems too odd that I'm getting things for eg for my nana, auntie and cousin and not my own mum, sister and brother. I hope I don't make people feel guilty or embarrassed.

Op you really didn’t think this through , you sent champagne instead of a card. People hate that they get gifts when they can’t return one . Yes it is very nice of you but your reaction to them was ott saying I’ll take it back or pour it away .
yes I’d thank you but I’d be a bit annoyed too it just makes people uncomfortable it’s champagne for gods sake much more expensive than a card .

what a lot of horrible replies. She sent a gift, it doesn’t make her a twat, or need to apologise or anything else

it was a bit misguided but no need for some of these posts

Oh dear. Prepare yourself for their displeasure on Christmas Day!

One of my friends has continually ignored my ‘no gifts please’ request and now I have to respond in kind as I feel like a knob if I don’t. It really pisses me off tbh, so I guess I’m an ungrateful twat too.

OP you said you were considering dropping round to collect the champagne back, so you were close enough to hand deliver the cards, surely?

@LadyHarmby Maybe, going on this thread! 😬
I hope not, they're pretty chilled.

@Reluctantadult

Please don't give them presents if you've agreed not to. You've literally said it's about you and what YOU want to do, it's not about them or their wishes or doing sonething nice. You're going to put them in an awkward position and they won't enjoy it.

That was my first thought too!

Some posters are missing the point on here. It's not people being ungrateful. We are living through a difficult cost of living crisis and many families have agreed no presents this year. Ours have. I know if I broke that rule and gave them presents it would upset them dearly. It's disrespectful if you've agreed, especially due to financial constraints.

I bought a good colleague a gift once. It was a daft thing, think a 50p ruler because there had been a long running good natured argument about the length of something. I'd wrapped it up because I thought it would be funny.

I handed it to him over the desk with a Happy Christmas. It was so awkward. He was really embarrassed that he hadn't got me anything. I had to explain it was just something silly and not a "proper" present. Then he got worried I'd bought him something embarrassing. When he eventually, tentatively opened it, he genuingely loved it and found it hysterical and ran off to measure the thing.

However, I have NEVER bought anyone a random gift ever again!🤣

It is embarrassing when you agree no gifts and one doesn’t stick to it. But they can at least say thank you

I agree, @StuffChristmas - giving is a really enjoyable part of life and I think also an important way you bond with others. I am a little bit against "no gifts" for this reason. It's hard to switch off one's training of many years as well! We usually limit £ spend (compromise).

But I think your Uncle is being joyless and ungracious, rather like many people on this thread. I would.send him a (public) message saying that he can contribute it to a food bank and you will still feel happy about it. We remember we're part of a larger family at Christmas, right? 😘

I can see why he reacted the way he did. I would feel awkward too if we'd agreed no gifts then something turned up at the last minute. The idea of reciprocity is really ingrained in people around Christmas time and now your uncle has no time to fulfil that obligation so of course he will feel a bit miffed. If you were worried about not sending a card, then surely arranging an e-card would have been less time consuming than ordering champagne.

It’s not so much the gifts or not, it’s that everyone has agreed. That’s the key. So if one person goes against it, they’re kind of saying ‘I know better’. What they should really do is say that they prefer present giving and they won’t be part of the ‘no gifts’ agreement - and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I'd be miffed if we agreed no presents and someone sent me a present. It feels like an attempt to wrong foot you and make you feel bad at xmas. I don't actually like getting cards as I never send any, but I realise there is nothing I can do about that. If you were too late to post cards, why not just send an email or text to explain - or even a phone call?

Would your uncle have been on the phone to your dad if you hadn’t sent anything at all, no Christmas card, nothing?

I bet he wouldn’t.

OP it is mildly irritating when an agreement is made (not that I’ve ever made one like this personally) and then somebody just reneges on it.

And why are you calling them twats? Bit much isn’t it?

@Iamnotausername I've heard you. I've just messaged them to say I've got them a token and do they want it or not. We've got a good relationship so it won't be an issue either way.

Your gesture was very kind and generous. However, If it had been agreed that no presents were to be exchanged, but then they get something from you, I would also be annoyed, if I was them. What’s the point of the agreement, otherwise?

You have gone against your previous no gifts arrangement, and embarrassed your uncle. Can’t you see that? And a bottle of champagne is not an insignificant gift. I’m sorry, but it really does make you appear very thoughtless I’m not surprised he is upset.
And who cares about cards? I’ve got 3 this year.
I would be furious if you did this to me

I wouldn't be happy to get a present if no presents had been agreed.

I would love to receive champagne for Christmas, however I would feel really down that I hadn't got the other person something.
I really hate when I make an agreement with someone 'no presents' and then they get me one and I have nothing to give back. It actually makes me feel really bad about myself.

My partner and I have had that agreement and they went back on it and got me something and I felt awful. And now I never know whether to trust it when someone says it and feel anxious about whether or not to get them something.
This might all sound a bit much but it's what's happened.

However I am in agreement with another poster, I'd hope you'd forget cards every year...! 😂😂

It's rude to buy someone a gift if you have agreed no gifts. The purpose of a gift is to bring joy and all this will achieve is to make them feel embarrassed and awkward.

Is it a family agreement that no Christmas gifts are given this year? Or something your Uncle prefers?

If there is a willing agreement, then it is you who has broken that & gone too far, particularly as a bottle of Champagne sent is not an equivalent of a Christmas card arriving late or not at all.

You say your Uncle has been kind to you over the years, so understandably you feel affection for him. But this gesture seems to be about you, your expectations of praise/thanks & nowt to do with him.

Might you have been panicked/sentimental/bit sloshed when you placed the orders? Maybe a touch of sender’s remorse?