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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reject nanny’s gift

178 replies

Likesicecream · 23/12/2022 18:20

our lovely nanny brought Xmas gifts for the kids today and one was a doll stroller for my DD, perfect gift for her

problem is my mum got her the same thing (different style), it’s wrapped and ready for Xmas. My mum is crazy about Xmas and wanted to get her this for a while. Obviously our nanny would realise what had happened when she saw that one after Xmas, and it seemed silly to have two of them, we don’t have tons of space - and I wanted DD to be excited when she got the one from my mum

so when the wrapping came off and nanny was about to take it out of the packaging, I quickly mentioned that my mum had got her one too

she said oh she’ll get her something else then, of course I said don’t worry about that, but we put the stroller aside to return (DD too young to realise what had happened and there was something else small for her that she was happy playing with)

I was apologetic about the whole thing and said thank you etc but felt really bad about it afterwards and DH said he wouldn’t have said anything

Was I BU to say something?

OP posts:
GreenLeavesRustling · 23/12/2022 18:22

I would have accepted it, but maybe put it away till after tomorrow. what a lovely thing for your nanny to do.

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 23/12/2022 18:23

Yes I think you were. She could have both and keep one at your mums...

Original poster
Likesicecream · 23/12/2022 18:25

Just to add, my mum lives in another country, no chance to keep it there

OP posts:
HelloBunny · 23/12/2022 18:25

Look, you’re human. It was a natural reaction. I’d feel the same as you do now, as well. Hard not to overthink it, but it’s done now. Get her something else nice instead. Your DH is probably right, but you can’t be perfect all the time!

Newjobformoremoney · 23/12/2022 18:26

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable. What a lovely thing for your nanny to do.
I would say a present from the nanny shouldn’t be expected and no matter what you should always be gracious. Would you have treated a friend that way?

maddiemookins16mum · 23/12/2022 18:39

YABU, as an ex Nanny I would have been very hurt. two wee kiddie pushchairs don’t take up much room. One could possibly have been kept in a car boot for when you/she go out.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 23/12/2022 18:41

You were very rude

oblada · 23/12/2022 18:42

We have 2 dolls pushchairs and realistically currently only one child of an age to be interested by it. I don't have any issue with that. I would not have said anything. Kids will be happy with gifts no matter what it is / duplicates etc. So yes YABU but it is done. Apologise and move on.

neverbeenskiing · 23/12/2022 18:46

I wouldn't have said anything tbh, but it sounds as though your Nanny wasn't offended so I wouldn’t worry too much about it now. How lovely that she bought your kids Christmas presents though.

WillTryNotToBeGrumpy · 23/12/2022 18:47

Yep, that was rude. What a lovely thing for your nanny to have done. Your mum lives in a different country so wouldn't know which stroller your daughter kept?

PAFMO · 23/12/2022 18:50

I imagine the nanny's reaction was out of politeness in the face of basically being told her gift was going to be going back.
Given the grandmother is in a different country, her gift should have been the one to be changed.

Ghostedtree · 23/12/2022 18:52

Have you never had duplicate gifts for your kids before?

You could have just put the nanny's to one side, then left your DC open your DM on Xmas and have the excitement on the day. You didn't need to say anything to the nanny.

If its something your DC enjoys, I would hang onto both. For when the inevitable happens and it gets lost/broken.

HollyHobbie12 · 23/12/2022 18:54

You could have accepted it then left the other one at another relatives house for DD to play with there.
Your nanny will be disappointed and hurt even if she appeared otherwise. I think a nice text is in order.

Stopthebusplease · 23/12/2022 18:57

I actually don't think you did anything terrible OP, provided of course that you explained the situation to your Nanny, and expressed how grateful you were that she'd bought such a beautiful gift for your child. I'm sure she would far rather exchange it than see your daughter pushing another one around, and wondering why you hadn't explained what had happened.

Kitcaterpillar · 23/12/2022 19:01

I'm not sure I can cope with another week of 'I was intensely rude to someone because I lack the social grace to say "oh lovely, thank you"' threads. Although being graceless to an employee rather than your MiL is a fun new twist.

thelobsterquadrille · 23/12/2022 19:02

I think you were really rude.

Why can't your DD just have two gifts?

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 19:07

You were very rude OP. How hurtful to do this to the person who I imagine knows and sees your children a lot more than your mum.

Really no need.

Whinge · 23/12/2022 19:08

maddiemookins16mum · 23/12/2022 18:39

YABU, as an ex Nanny I would have been very hurt. two wee kiddie pushchairs don’t take up much room. One could possibly have been kept in a car boot for when you/she go out.

I agree the nanny may have brushed it off and pretended it was fine, but I suspect they're really upset that a thoughtful and well chosen gift for a child they care about has been thrown back in their face. There's no harm in having 2 pushchairs.

FangedFrisbee · 23/12/2022 19:10

You were so rude

NoelNoNoel · 23/12/2022 19:10

I’d probably have said it without thinking, more out of surprise that it was the same present. Then I would have thought oh no I should have stayed quiet.
Try not to worry about it.

Notaboutthebass · 23/12/2022 19:11

I'm sure most little girls would absolutely love two!

Iwantamarshmallowman · 23/12/2022 19:11

I think you were rude.

Suzi888 · 23/12/2022 19:15

I just hope your DD doesn’t have “twins” like mine- you’ll regret returning the second one then 😂. It’s done now, lovely of your nanny and I hope you for her something nice too.

MelchiorsMistress · 23/12/2022 19:17

The nanny did a really kind thing and it would be rude to get rid of her present straight away, especially when she presumably knows your child well and knows she will like it. Just let your dd have two for a while, you can leave the nanny’s one aside for a few days so your mum still gets the pleasure of giving her gift. Then after a few weeks, quietly take the one your dd favours least to the charity shop.

shreddies · 23/12/2022 19:17

That was very rude. Your poor nanny