Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reject nanny’s gift

178 replies

Likesicecream · 23/12/2022 18:20

our lovely nanny brought Xmas gifts for the kids today and one was a doll stroller for my DD, perfect gift for her

problem is my mum got her the same thing (different style), it’s wrapped and ready for Xmas. My mum is crazy about Xmas and wanted to get her this for a while. Obviously our nanny would realise what had happened when she saw that one after Xmas, and it seemed silly to have two of them, we don’t have tons of space - and I wanted DD to be excited when she got the one from my mum

so when the wrapping came off and nanny was about to take it out of the packaging, I quickly mentioned that my mum had got her one too

she said oh she’ll get her something else then, of course I said don’t worry about that, but we put the stroller aside to return (DD too young to realise what had happened and there was something else small for her that she was happy playing with)

I was apologetic about the whole thing and said thank you etc but felt really bad about it afterwards and DH said he wouldn’t have said anything

Was I BU to say something?

OP posts:
Essexhousehusbands · 23/12/2022 20:23

Super rude ! Making your nanny fell like a second class citizen.

I hope you got HER a really nice present !

PenelopeStrawberry1 · 23/12/2022 20:27

You sound rude. Hopefully the nanny will find a nicer, new employer in the new year

Nocutenamesleft · 23/12/2022 20:27

Well if your mum lives in another country why on earth didn’t you not say anything and give one away to a child who didn’t get a gift this year?!?!

the nanny wouldn’t know. Your mum wouldn’t know…

no hurt feelings.

Marcipex · 23/12/2022 20:28

You were unkind. The poor nanny.
It’s not a huge toy, your DD could have both.

HaggisWurst · 23/12/2022 20:30

Yabu. I often got duplicate gifts as a kid, I just used them both and both were exciting. Nothing wrong with it. You were really rude. The poor nanny.

Leavesaregood · 23/12/2022 20:32

I'm surprised so many people think this is so very rude! My family and friends are much more open, as we don't like the idea of a wasted present and want to give what is wanted/needed. Especially, as a PP said, as it would be obvious after Christmas so probably better to be upfront (if something is easily donated or passed on then that is a bit different, sure).
Tone and quality of the relationship makes all the difference as to whether this was rude or just honest (which some people would appreciate). Hard to know without being there!

TempyBrennan · 23/12/2022 20:32

We avoid them where possible in this house but we spend a lot of time outside too, so any duplicates we get end up being inside/clean and outside/dirty. Things like little pushchairs have been loved because they can take them outside and play, and then have nice ones indoors!

Cococomelon · 23/12/2022 20:33

When you say you put it aside to return do you mean she was going to return it or you were?

she offered to get something else and I understand you didn't want to put her out but then why tell her.

I'm sure it would have come in use.

Reindeersnooker · 23/12/2022 20:33

On reflection, it's not good manners and better not done but I understand why you did it and I wouldn't agonise over it.

GoldenCagedBird · 23/12/2022 20:36

Leavesaregood · 23/12/2022 20:32

I'm surprised so many people think this is so very rude! My family and friends are much more open, as we don't like the idea of a wasted present and want to give what is wanted/needed. Especially, as a PP said, as it would be obvious after Christmas so probably better to be upfront (if something is easily donated or passed on then that is a bit different, sure).
Tone and quality of the relationship makes all the difference as to whether this was rude or just honest (which some people would appreciate). Hard to know without being there!

It’s not family or a friend though.

It’s an employee who went out of her way to do something nice, and had her gift rejected ungraciously.

Willowswood · 23/12/2022 20:39

Extremely rude. How embarrassing. Your poor nanny.

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/12/2022 20:39

Ouch. I wouldn't have said anything and do think she was very polite in the face of what must of been quite an awkward position to be put in - whether it was intended as hurtful or not it must have stung to have been so generous and to have been dismissed so readily.

This person cares for your DD (in the literal sense as well as with her feelings) and has got her something she will love so clearly knows her well which is so lovely - why can't this be kept and both used and enjoyed? Your mum is easily old enough to not need pandering to to the extent that you need to make sure only hers is seen and the joy of a Christmas gift siphoned only towards her. Will she even be with your DD over Christmas to see her opening it?

I'd backtrack and tell the nanny she loves it and was so excited to have two, albeit I expect she will politely insist on returning it now she knows what you really think. Get her a lovely present at least, OP.

Herewegoagain84 · 23/12/2022 20:47

You were really rude. Your nanny had probably put a lot of thought and effort in, and was excited to give it to your DD. I don’t think you should overlook the value of having such a lovely nanny. If you keep treating her that way I doubt she’ll stay. Your mum lives in another country - she’d have had no idea if there were two buggies.

Luckyducker · 23/12/2022 20:52

I can think of a few reasons why 2 pushchairs are great.

1 to be kept clean for inside, 1 for pushing to the park and around the garden.

1 for your DD and her baby. 1 for her friend and their baby when you have other children round to play or for her siblings/cousins if she had any when they are playing together.
1 for now, 1 for when that one breaks.
1 for your house, 1 for your MIL's house or even the nanny's house.

I worry about stuff like this but it is easily fixed. Send her a text saying your DD loves the pushchair and a picture of her happily playing with it.

Rainbow1901 · 23/12/2022 20:54

I'm kind of on the fence about this - it did sound a bit rude but then I'm of the school that if someone didn't like something I'd bought or it was duplicated then I would not be offended. But then my family know that I hang on to receipts in case an exchange is needed for whatever reason.
I'd rather my recipients had something they would really be happy with but then I do tend to ask for ideas first to hopefully avoid this issue.

GoldenFarfalle · 23/12/2022 20:55

I think you were rude, my daughter has two stroller ( one was a gift and I kept it because my DD loves both) and I live in a 2 bedroom flat so I don't think it's a space issue.

You can keep both and use one for one doll and the other for another doll, I let my DD choose which one she wants to bring to the playground and she feels happy.

Wetblanket78 · 23/12/2022 20:58

There's no point in having two. The nanny could swap it for a dolly cradle or some accessories.

gamerchick · 23/12/2022 21:01

Why couldn't you have kept one at your mother's for the bairn to play with?

I haven't read the thread if this has already been said like.

Itwaseasierforyounotobelieveme · 23/12/2022 21:02

Very rude. Accept the present graciously.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/12/2022 21:05

Sorry to pile on but yes - you were so rude. Your nanny did a lovely thing; you take the gift, thank her & work out the details afterwards.

Two strollers is also fine.

You know you were too - hence posting here.

Beepbeepenergy · 23/12/2022 21:14

Yabu (I cringed) it sounded ungrateful

SoosanCarter · 23/12/2022 21:14

You were rude and ungracious

SoosanCarter · 23/12/2022 21:15

You don’t “reject” a gift. Rude.

Grannyyaga · 23/12/2022 21:22

What a lovely nanny ❤. Yes, I think you were rude.

Ohheythereitsme · 23/12/2022 21:27

I would have accepted it I think. Depends on how the nanny would take it