Page 7 | To reject nanny’s gift

Blowthemandown · 24/12/2022 11:54

@Likesicecream I think you just saw a potentially difficult situation and didn’t have time to deal with it perfectly (unlike everyone here with hindsight). I think talk to the nanny again and say “I’m so touched and grateful you got these things even though it may not seem like it. But I panicked because my Mum got her that and she feels and I feel bad because she is in another country. I probably came across as rude and ungrateful and even though you probably get where I am coming from, your feelings must have been hurt at the time and I really regret how badly it must have come across - I’m so sorry”.

Hereeverysaturdaynight · 24/12/2022 12:06

Blowthemandown · 24/12/2022 11:54

@Likesicecream I think you just saw a potentially difficult situation and didn’t have time to deal with it perfectly (unlike everyone here with hindsight). I think talk to the nanny again and say “I’m so touched and grateful you got these things even though it may not seem like it. But I panicked because my Mum got her that and she feels and I feel bad because she is in another country. I probably came across as rude and ungrateful and even though you probably get where I am coming from, your feelings must have been hurt at the time and I really regret how badly it must have come across - I’m so sorry”.

That is really good advice and a way to recover the situation.

I would also buy the Nanny a nice gift (or give her a financial bonus if you can afford one). This is the lady who you leave your most precious child to. It can be a thankless task I suppose, but I have always valued my child's childminders and teachers in the latter years.

I've been lucky perhaps, but I valued anyone who I entrusted my child to and I made sure that they knew somehow, how much I valued them.

AccountDetail · 24/12/2022 12:10

You were very rude.
I'm guessing the nanny is in practice DDs main carer? Why not let her have the gift from her, she's a bigger part of her life than her nan since she lives abroad!
Just say, thank you, let her keep it. You may need to say one of them accidentally broke, good Job you had 2. Take the second to charity shops since you don't have space for 2.

Original poster

Likesicecream · 24/12/2022 12:24

Blowthemandown · 24/12/2022 11:54

@Likesicecream I think you just saw a potentially difficult situation and didn’t have time to deal with it perfectly (unlike everyone here with hindsight). I think talk to the nanny again and say “I’m so touched and grateful you got these things even though it may not seem like it. But I panicked because my Mum got her that and she feels and I feel bad because she is in another country. I probably came across as rude and ungrateful and even though you probably get where I am coming from, your feelings must have been hurt at the time and I really regret how badly it must have come across - I’m so sorry”.

This is perfect, thank you and thanks to all those who’ve had some kind words, I feel really bad about the whole thing.

OP posts:

NurseryNurse10 · 24/12/2022 13:17

I wish my ex nanny family valued me as much as you value yours @Hereeverysaturdaynight . I dream of working for someone who would speak that same way about me

Hereeverysaturdaynight · 24/12/2022 14:39

NurseryNurse10 · 24/12/2022 13:17

I wish my ex nanny family valued me as much as you value yours @Hereeverysaturdaynight . I dream of working for someone who would speak that same way about me

My baby is now a big girl. I could never have done it without being able to rely on and trust someone to look after that baby. I never took her for granted. I never underestimated her value in my life and in my child's life.

Hereeverysaturdaynight · 24/12/2022 15:09

Dd was about 2, the first time I dropped her off at the childminders, having not had breakfast. I was really apologetic and said, that I hadn't had time to give her breakfast that morning (bringing the sachet of porridge with me). Her childminder replied 'oh she breakfast here every morning anyway'. 🙄

Now, that daughter of mine had never once left without having eaten a bowl of porridge!!! She must have come across as a starved child though lol. But her childminder never mentioned it to me! She had porridge (which she ate!) before we left and she then went to her childminder's and ate another full breakfast!!! 😆She was a scrawny scrap of a thing as a baby and toddler, so I'm sure that her childminder thought that I was starving the poor child. I'm pretty sure that my childminder knew that I wasn't starving my child. It was funny though when I find out a year later that dd had been eating TWO breakfasts every morning. 😆

Hereeverysaturdaynight · 24/12/2022 15:12

I suspect cocopops or toast and butter were tastier than porridge. 😋

Hereeverysaturdaynight · 24/12/2022 15:15

NurseryNurse10 · 24/12/2022 13:17

I wish my ex nanny family valued me as much as you value yours @Hereeverysaturdaynight . I dream of working for someone who would speak that same way about me

You'll find someone who values you. Don't work for someone who doesn't.

Desertbarncat · 24/12/2022 18:44

You were not only ungrateful and rude to your nanny, you are putting unreasonable expectations on your very young child to act a certain way to please you and your mother. What will you do if your daughter isn’t excited about the gift? Or doesn’t want to interact much with your parents?

Evan456 · 24/12/2022 18:57

If your mum lives in another country how would she know if you used the nanny’s one?

Mandyjack · 24/12/2022 19:01

If your Mum lives abroad couldn't you have returned her one and just explained that Nanny got her one that was opened 1st?

FrightfullyFreezy · 24/12/2022 19:23

OMG so d8 so x9n. Rude

SoupDragon · 24/12/2022 19:45

FrightfullyFreezy · 24/12/2022 19:23

OMG so d8 so x9n. Rude

What on earth does that mean? 😂

FrightfullyFreezy · 24/12/2022 20:03

Fuck kbows I've fogot 😂

Daffi · 24/12/2022 22:41

Likesicecream · 23/12/2022 18:20

our lovely nanny brought Xmas gifts for the kids today and one was a doll stroller for my DD, perfect gift for her

problem is my mum got her the same thing (different style), it’s wrapped and ready for Xmas. My mum is crazy about Xmas and wanted to get her this for a while. Obviously our nanny would realise what had happened when she saw that one after Xmas, and it seemed silly to have two of them, we don’t have tons of space - and I wanted DD to be excited when she got the one from my mum

so when the wrapping came off and nanny was about to take it out of the packaging, I quickly mentioned that my mum had got her one too

she said oh she’ll get her something else then, of course I said don’t worry about that, but we put the stroller aside to return (DD too young to realise what had happened and there was something else small for her that she was happy playing with)

I was apologetic about the whole thing and said thank you etc but felt really bad about it afterwards and DH said he wouldn’t have said anything

Was I BU to say something?

Heavens, the struggle that some people have on this forum, surely you have more than one nanny?

Abcdefgh1234 · 24/12/2022 22:50

That was very rude and a degrading her to be honest. I beg if your friend or other people give it to you. You wouldn’t say anything. Its because she is your nanny so you can say that. She will be hurt but pretending to brushed it off

Baublebonkers · 24/12/2022 22:50

Yanbu - I totally get it and I’m sure your nanny did too.

ErrolTheDragon · 25/12/2022 00:01

Honestly I think YANBU. As you said, your nanny would realise that your child had been given another similar item, and that would be a bit awkward and disappointing for her. She'd probably much rather get the child something else that she knows will be appreciated by her.

ErrolTheDragon · 25/12/2022 00:05

The difference between a nanny and anyone else is she's the one person that the duplication can't be hidden from! The OP treated her like a sensible adult who probably cares more about the enjoyment of a gift by the child than anyone other than the parents.

shellyjules · 25/12/2022 01:23

Apologise to that Nanny now!

Singingalong · 25/12/2022 17:44

Never look a gifted horse in a mouth.
It’s a saying for a reason. Smile graciously, accept and thank the giver.
what you do afterwards is none of their business. Teach your children the same!

The giver does not owe you anything, it’s their choice to give you a gift. But it’s up to you to show good manners.
Happy Christmas 🎄

mathanxiety · 25/12/2022 17:55

I think you should have been more tactful. A graceful thank you is always the right way to receive a gift and you can sort out the details of a return or other disposition yourself later.

You should keep the nanny's gift for when the other one breaks. Your mum won't know there are two as she's in another country. Or use one for outdoors and one indoors.

You're imbuing toys with too much specialness here. I think you need to contact the nanny and tell her you spoke out of turn and that DD loves the toy. She's probably kicking herself.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/12/2022 18:05

As others said what you said was rude. I was a nanny for 20yrs and often think long and hard what to buy kids in my care

So yes your response was rude

Equally you have said that you said sorry to her

It really doesn't matter having two of the same. Even more so if had a little friend over for a play

sue20 · 26/12/2022 01:11

Although a nice gesture I’m always surprised by this sort of thing. I would never buy a large gift for a child without checking with parent first I think it’s inappropriate. Something which takes up space and has various significances has to be discussed. For exactly the reason pointed out in this post. Some years ago my in laws bought a large plastic dolls house at a car boot and presented it to DD as a surprise to all of us. Dd loved it but I hated it and it took up a load of space. I never said anything but I thought it was thoughtless. I realise this isn’t quite the same but I think a bit odd.