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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reject nanny’s gift

178 replies

Likesicecream · 23/12/2022 18:20

our lovely nanny brought Xmas gifts for the kids today and one was a doll stroller for my DD, perfect gift for her

problem is my mum got her the same thing (different style), it’s wrapped and ready for Xmas. My mum is crazy about Xmas and wanted to get her this for a while. Obviously our nanny would realise what had happened when she saw that one after Xmas, and it seemed silly to have two of them, we don’t have tons of space - and I wanted DD to be excited when she got the one from my mum

so when the wrapping came off and nanny was about to take it out of the packaging, I quickly mentioned that my mum had got her one too

she said oh she’ll get her something else then, of course I said don’t worry about that, but we put the stroller aside to return (DD too young to realise what had happened and there was something else small for her that she was happy playing with)

I was apologetic about the whole thing and said thank you etc but felt really bad about it afterwards and DH said he wouldn’t have said anything

Was I BU to say something?

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 23/12/2022 21:36

That was so rude of you. Your poor nanny.

rumbypumby · 23/12/2022 21:44

You should have accepted it OP and just had duplicate.

You say your mother lives in a different country whereas your nanny sees your child often and was probably also excited by the prospect of seeing your child enjoy her gift and you've taken that opportunity away. I would genuinely be hurt by this.
It comes across as its not as good as grandmothers gift because it's only from the nanny.

I think you need to profusely apologise and explain you've now come to your senses and would love to accept the gift.

SnackSizeRaisin · 23/12/2022 21:51

I think you had to say something really. The nanny is in the ops house every day so she can't just take the present gratefully and dispose of it later. Letting the DD keep it would take the shine off the grandmother's present. And then there would be two when nanny comes back to work after Christmas. Better on this occasion to be honest, although it is a shame as the nanny obviously was very kind and knew what the child would like

SnackSizeRaisin · 23/12/2022 21:53

rumbypumby · 23/12/2022 21:44

You should have accepted it OP and just had duplicate.

You say your mother lives in a different country whereas your nanny sees your child often and was probably also excited by the prospect of seeing your child enjoy her gift and you've taken that opportunity away. I would genuinely be hurt by this.
It comes across as its not as good as grandmothers gift because it's only from the nanny.

I think you need to profusely apologise and explain you've now come to your senses and would love to accept the gift.

I think it's fair enough to prioritise the child's grandmother over her nanny on this occasion. Don't you think it would bug the nanny to think she'd wasted her money on a gift the child already had, because the op was too afraid to tell her?

thehourwaslate · 23/12/2022 21:58

I don’t think you were rude, and I would have done the same thing. It would be wasteful to keep both, and as you say she is going to find out that your mum bought her one too. As long as you were grateful then I don’t really see a problem. If I were the nanny I wouldn’t be offended and would be glad you told me rather than letting the box get opened, making the gift unable to be returned.

bellamountain · 23/12/2022 21:58

It's a shame because as your daughter gets older, if she is anything like my niece, having two strollers would have been amazing as no doubt she will have more than one baby / dolly to put in them and one day she might have a sibling.....

TigerDroveAgain · 23/12/2022 22:00

I think you were very rude to the nanny.

on a separate note: why would anyone buy a sex stereotyping gift like a miniature pushchair for a small girl. that is weird!

Lenald · 23/12/2022 22:02

Whaaaat? Don’t be so silly ofc she nbu

why do people accept gifts if there not being used? What a total waste of money, the point of a gift is to be used by the recipient not boost the gift givers ego.

you definitely done the right thing - now dc can have something she’ll get some more joy out of and it’s money well spent by a kind lazy.

Lenald · 23/12/2022 22:02

TigerDroveAgain · 23/12/2022 22:00

I think you were very rude to the nanny.

on a separate note: why would anyone buy a sex stereotyping gift like a miniature pushchair for a small girl. that is weird!

I brought one for my son, is that acceptable?

Lenald · 23/12/2022 22:04

rumbypumby · 23/12/2022 21:44

You should have accepted it OP and just had duplicate.

You say your mother lives in a different country whereas your nanny sees your child often and was probably also excited by the prospect of seeing your child enjoy her gift and you've taken that opportunity away. I would genuinely be hurt by this.
It comes across as its not as good as grandmothers gift because it's only from the nanny.

I think you need to profusely apologise and explain you've now come to your senses and would love to accept the gift.

Profusely apologise 🤣 how overdramatic.

making a mountain out of a mole hill. I would be more concerned about the child receiving joy from my gift not my ego. What’s the point in her having two.

TigerDroveAgain · 23/12/2022 22:05

TigerDroveAgain
I think you were very rude to the nanny.

on a separate note: why would anyone buy a sex stereotyping gift like a miniature pushchair for a small girl. that is weird!

I brought one for my son, is that acceptable?

Yes, that's fine DaffodilSmile

Lenald · 23/12/2022 22:08

TigerDroveAgain · 23/12/2022 22:05

TigerDroveAgain
I think you were very rude to the nanny.

on a separate note: why would anyone buy a sex stereotyping gift like a miniature pushchair for a small girl. that is weird!

I brought one for my son, is that acceptable?

Yes, that's fine DaffodilSmile

It’s also fine for a girl. That’s her interests - silly to say no because it’s ‘designed for little girls just like you’.

butterfliedtwo · 23/12/2022 22:13

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 19:07

You were very rude OP. How hurtful to do this to the person who I imagine knows and sees your children a lot more than your mum.

Really no need.

Exactly this.

SoupDragon · 23/12/2022 22:14

TigerDroveAgain · 23/12/2022 22:05

TigerDroveAgain
I think you were very rude to the nanny.

on a separate note: why would anyone buy a sex stereotyping gift like a miniature pushchair for a small girl. that is weird!

I brought one for my son, is that acceptable?

Yes, that's fine DaffodilSmile

Utterly ridiculous!

beatsin8s · 23/12/2022 22:21

I don't think you were rude, it was in front of DD so you had to explain at that moment why you were whisking it away.

I actually think a first dolls pram is an important present and I would have asked the parents first because I know I loved getting my DD's their first pram!

Lovely nanny to do that though. I'd either exchange for something you know your daughter would be excited about and film her reaction for the nanny so she knows she still loved her present or keep it until after your Mum's one is opened and your DD will still use it.

beatsin8s · 23/12/2022 22:24

Lenald · 23/12/2022 22:02

I brought one for my son, is that acceptable?

Show quote history

So are only boys allowed a toy pram?? My son had a baby doll, they like what they like. And pretending many little girls don't want to copy their Mums by having a toy pram is just silly.

beatsin8s · 23/12/2022 22:25

beatsin8s · 23/12/2022 22:24

So are only boys allowed a toy pram?? My son had a baby doll, they like what they like. And pretending many little girls don't want to copy their Mums by having a toy pram is just silly.

Show quote history

@Lenald sorry that was for @TigerDroveAgain

Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1 · 23/12/2022 22:25

Very rude. You’re poor nanny.

bridgetreilly · 23/12/2022 22:27

I think I might have accepted it, then after Christmas explained about the other one from your mother and would she mind terribly if you exchanged hers for something different. But in the moment, it’s hard to think it all through.

WimpoleHat · 23/12/2022 22:32

Well - on the upside - you’re unlikely to be having the same problem next year…..

I bet the nanny was really hurt. What a lovely thing to buy for your DD.

FancyFanny · 23/12/2022 22:36

In my experience it's a good thing to have at least two doll's prams! That way, when a friend comes round to play they can both take dollies for a walk together.

LittleBitLostWithoutYou · 23/12/2022 22:36

How unnecessary, they don’t take up much room, just let her have both. You shouldn’t have said anything. My kids loved it if they had 2 of the same thing. 😂

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/12/2022 22:43

I am torn.

On the one hand I wouldnt want her to have wasted money on something that maybe wouldnt get much use but on the other the way you did it was so crass its cringey!

I would have mentioned that your mum had gone on about getting her one wo would she mind if you hid it until after Xmas so your mum isnt upset about it and then DD can have both after Xmas. If you had done it in an eye roly "Mum is a bit precious about Xmas....sorry about this!" and really bigged up what a lovely gift it is then you might have got away with it.

Moveoverdarlin · 23/12/2022 22:45

You handled that badly. I would have said ‘oh wow, lovely thank you!’ Duplicate presents happen all the time. I would be upset if I was the nanny, imagine gifting a little girl a present and have the mother whisk it away.

Create10 · 23/12/2022 22:46

Absolutely beyond rude.

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